


Beautiful Mess

by Helenatrix



Series: Beautiful Mess [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: ACWNR, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pre-Canon, Slow Build, Slow Burn, post ACWNR
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-04-30 10:17:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 45,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14494767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helenatrix/pseuds/Helenatrix
Summary: Though he wanted to hate this man, to chide him, and dismiss him, he felt himself swayed by those strong words – words that made so much sense in a world that seemed to otherwise make none. Besides, where did he have left to go really? Back to the underground? There was nothing left for him now without Isabel and Furlan. Nothing but blades and titans. And Erwin Smith.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Eruri is my favorite - I love fanfics that explore that territory in between ACWNR and canon. It doesn't make sense to me that there wouldn't be a little something more that ties these two together. I wanted more Lobov, more drama, more of a story. 
> 
> This is my retelling - it will be multiple chapters long. I freaking LOVE multi-chapter fics! 
> 
> Hopefully I can update quickly. (My goal is at least two updates a week...that may be unrealistic but we will see!)
> 
> Titled Beautiful Mess - named after Vance Joy's "Mess Is Mine." That song is the epitome of my Eruri addiction. The lifeblood of all my ideas come from different songs that make me think of these two. I'll try to post some songs at the end of every chapter that really "speak to me" :) Hope you don't mind!
> 
> This is a reposting of my first chapter - Thanks to Muff for correcting some inconsistencies with my timeline. They should have since been corrected :) But as always, if you see any errors, or have any suggestions, let me know. I am open to your feedback and grateful for your support <3

 

Despite letting him live, Levi hated Erwin Smith. In that moment, while his blade was unsheathed and digging into the Squad Leader’s hand, Levi had had every intention of cutting him to ribbons. But despite the hatred and anguish that had flowed through him, Levi had let him live. He hated himself for his own weakness. With nowhere else to go, Levi had re-mounted his horse and followed Smith, leaving what was left of his friends’ dismembered bodies behind. 

The rain had picked back up as night fell, causing a weary Commander, Keith Shadis, to stop the mission abruptly and set up camp at the nearest Survey Corps check point, a base already established and stocked several expeditions prior.  The campsite was well-hidden within the depths of one of the several titan forests and it provided an easy escape from titans due to the height of the trees surrounding.

Levi, atop his horse, did his best to stay as near to the fringe of the group as possible. The soldiers left were small in number, terrified, wet and exhausted. And he saw the way their eyes rested on him, wary, almost frightened. He didn’t blame them. He was like a wild animal, caged – all he had once lived for had been stripped away in one instant, making him dangerous. He _felt_ dangerous. The Commander gave the order to dismount and the tired troupe began to make a path through the trees.

“This must seem odd to you,” a woman’s deep voice beside him startled Levi back into reality. He whipped his head around to come almost face-to-face with Squad Leader Hange Zoe. _Goddammit,_ he thought. This abnormal titan of a woman was the last person with whom he could have hoped to converse. Unknowingly and blissfully oblivious to his disdain, Hange smiled behind her goggles. “We don’t just kill titans. One of our main goals is expansion and exploration. The Corps frequently sets up bases in case we get too far out to make a retreat. We use them to refuel and rest. And don’t worry - titans aren’t active at night. Isn’t that fascinating?”

Levi gritted his teeth, not meeting her eccentric gaze. Hange must have mistaken his silence for interest, continuing. “Typically, the squads take turns keeping a lookout – it was Squad Flagon’s turn this expedition…” she paused, perhaps realizing the insensitivity of her words. “…which I suppose would fall on you….you being the only survivor…Say, I’m really sorry about your friends…It’s a real shame – “

Levi whirled on her, grabbing her by the collar of her uniform. “Don’t you talk about them. Don’t you _ever_ talk about them.” His voice was low so as to not draw attention. But the intent was clear. When he released her, Hange stumbled back, looking surprised but not discouraged.

“All I meant was…we’ve all lost someone. But they gave their lives in the defense of humanity. You should be proud of their sacrifice.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Levi’s voice was cutting. Before Hange could respond, Shadis’s voice boomed through the ranks, addressing the shivering soldiers. Levi hadn’t realized it but as he and the four-eyed titan had been conversing, they had arrived in the clearing that would serve as their campsite.

“We’re making camp here for the night. As you know, lookout duty is typically a rotation through the new recruits of each Squad in turn. This being Squad Flagon’s rotation, that duty would fall on Levi, our newest recruit.” At once, almost all eyes turned to him. Levi scowled, meeting Shadis’s gaze. Fuck it – he would keep lookout. All to make it easier to sneak up on Smith and strangle him in his sleep.

“That being said, circumstances as they are…” Shadis looked away from Levi, eyes coming to rest on that bastard Smith instead. “…Squad Leader Smith has volunteered to assume the lookout duty for tonight.”

Before he could stop himself, Levi’s voice cut through the silence. “Fuck that.” _And again with the eyes._ The tension was palpable as Shadis’s attention was again turned onto Levi’s small form. “I don’t need your pity, Smith. I can keep the damn lookout so you can get your beauty sleep.”

A hushed murmur ran through the corps. Eyes darted from Levi to Erwin to Shadis, while each solider seemed to hold his or her breath. Meanwhile, Levi’s gaze never faltered from Erwin, watching for any trace of emotion that might betray the Squad Leader.

But instead, Shadis answered with a tired sigh, too exhausted to argue. “Fine. Smith, seems your assistance is not needed in this. Levi, you’re on lookout duty. And watch your mouth when talking to your superiors.”

Levi rolled his eyes. How anyone could take orders from that tired old man was beyond his comprehension.

Shadis continued – giving directives to the rest of the corps. One Squad was assigned with stocking up on whatever provisions could be found from nearby staches. Another was charged with gathering firewood for the night and another still was charged with tending to the horses – ensuring they were secured, rested and fed.

The Scouts sourced out locations to pitch their tents, each looking around for a suitable place in which to roll out their blankets and settle in. Judging by the faces of those around him, Levi knew there would be little sleep tonight. As they were cloaked by night fall, the scouts began breaking off, some preferring solitude, others the comfort of company.  Levi could hear muffled sobs and comforting words. His heart felt cold and dead in his chest. Time for him to take up his post.

In this matter, height seemed that it would benefit him -  the best way to see and hear and keep his wits about him. He released the anchor of his maneuvering device and allowed the harness to pull his weight upwards, settling in the fold of one of the largest nearby trees. The silence and stillness of the darkness reminded him of how truly alone he was – Isabel and Furlan were gone. With Isabel had died his spark, his hope, his joy. With Furlan had died his purpose, his candor, his passion. Alone, in the darkness, he allowed himself to mourn. He placed his head in his hands and raked at his scalp, cursing Lobov, cursing Smith, cursing the Corps and the titans. Cursing himself. His friends were dead – and above all else, he was at fault. He choked back a sob by biting down on his tongue so hard he thought he might bite it off completely. The pain kept him grounded, a punishment of sorts.

He was pulled savagely from his own suffering by the sound of gears releasing and the soft thud of a body landing lithely next to his own. He immediately raised his head, ready to lash out at whoever had dared interrupt his misery, only to snap back a snarl of annoyance. He shouldn’t have been surprised, _not really_ , to see Erwin Smith now settled next to him.

“What do you want?” He growled.

“I volunteered to keep watch,” Smith replied coolly.

“And I said it wasn’t necessary.”

“You said you would take the watch yourself. And I never said I wouldn’t be inclined to join you.”

“ _I don’t want you here_ ,” Levi only hoped his tone conveyed the spitefulness coursing through his veins. He had thought Hange was the one person with whom he had wanted to interact the least. He was _incorrect_.

“Then perhaps you should turn in for the night.” Erwin’s concerned tone made Levi feel patronized. “You’re exhausted – it’s obvious.”

“I’m fine -” Levi shot at him.

“Somehow, I doubt that. I’m sure you’re still in shock…”

“In shock?” Levi spat.

“We all go through it the first time. And all the most well-meaning words in this godforsaken world will do nothing to make it any of it easier. I’m not going to tell you your friends died as heroes or that their sacrifice brought humanity one step closer to a world without titans. Hearing those things won’t ease your pain and it won’t bring Isabel and Furlan back.”

Levi was silent, watching Erwin, unsure of his intentions.His candor shocked Levi. Some might consider the Squad Leader’s words cruel, but Levi felt relieved by their frankness.

“You’re angry,” Erwin continued, his tone placid. “And you should be. But target that anger, Levi. Who is the real enemy here? Is it me? Is it the titans? Or was it that bastard who sent you to the surface on a mission bound to fail? Lobov did not care about you and he didn’t care about them. Lobov only cares about himself. And your friends died as a result of that selfishness.”

Levi, for once, couldn’t quite think of a sarcastic quip or jibe. Overcome with sudden exhaustion, he sighed. “What does any of this gain you, Smith? What do you want, really?”

Erwin’s eyes twinkled as he looked up at the dark sky. The rain had finally stopped, creating a clear starscape. It reminded Levi of the last night he had shared with Furlan and Isabel atop the Survey Corps headquarters. The night he had sealed their fates by deciding to trust them.

“What I want…” Erwin seemed lost in thought for a moment. “I want there to be something more. For all of us.”

“What do you mean?” The man was talking in riddles and Levi’s patience was already stretched too thin as it was.

“Look around you, Levi. Out here, outside of the walls, one could almost forget the reality of our situation. We’re trapped by that which is supposed to protect us - that can’t be all there really is, can it? A small world surrounded by walls. Nothing but titans on the other side…we’re like animals waiting the inevitable slaughter with nowhere else to go.” He turned and looked directly at Levi. Levi’s stomach clenched despite himself. Their proximity unnerved him. “But what is beyond the walls? Beyond titan territory? On the other edge of this world? How far does it expand? Are we really the only ones left?”

Levi’s brow furrowed, considering Erwin’s words. “Of course, we are. We know that – “

“But _how_ do we know?”Erwin’s voice was so earnest, it made Levi’s head spin. Erwin continued. “There are no history books, no stories of life before the walls. All we have been told is that life outside the walls no longer exists. That humanity has been completely eradicated.  But the world is uncharted. So how do we _know_?”

“Tsk,” Levi looked away, the intensity of the Squad Leader’s stare becoming too much. Could he have a point? The thought shook Levi to the core.

“Men like Lobov benefit from our lack of knowledge, from keeping resources centralized and just out of reach. They want to disband the Corps, prevent our further expansion so they can continue to grow rich and fat behind the walls. Don’t you see, Levi? They’re hiding something much, much bigger than we could imagine. The Survey Corps is humanity’s only chance at true freedom. From the titans and from our own ignorance.”It was obvious that Erwin was a passionate man, but this was the most fervent Levi had ever seen him.

“Why are you telling me all this? Why now?” Levi felt incredulous, almost suspicious.

“Because the Corps needs you, Levi. We need you more than you could ever know.”

Levi’s breath caught in his throat and he shifted uncomfortably where he sat. “What makes you think I plan to stay?”

Erwin smiled, looked away. “Nothing other than my own foolish optimism.” His eyes bounced back to Levi, full of an unexpected sincerity. “I hope you will stay, Levi.”

The tension made Levi shudder, uncomfortable. He shied away from Erwin’s gentle gaze. Though he wanted to hate this man, to chide him, and dismiss him, he felt himself swayed by those strong words – words that made so much sense in a world that seemed to otherwise make none. Besides, where did he have left to go really? Back to the underground? There was nothing left for him now without Isabel and Furlan. Nothing but blades and titans. And Erwin Smith.

“Not like I have anywhere else to go…” he muttered under his breath, just loud enough to be sure that Erwin could hear. Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw the corners of Erwin’s mouth pull into a smile.

They sat in silence for a while, watching the stars, watching for titans, letting their comrades sleep. Though he never would admit it, Erwin’s presence was soothing to Levi. Since meeting Furlan, there had rarely been a time in which he was truly alone. And when Isabel had come into their lives, that time was cut down even further.

Finally, after a moment, Erwin peered back down at Levi. “I am truly sorry about your friends, Levi. It wasn’t something I could have ever accounted for.”

Levi’s eyes darted to Smith’s face, heat suddenly rising up the back of his neck. “Oh _no_? That wasn’t part of your plan, was it?”

Erwin’s brow furrowed. “That’s not what I meant. I–“

 “That was all we were, wasn’t it, _Erwin Smith_? Workings of your well-formulated plan. What makes you any better than Lobov?” His voice was quiet but full of spite. He pulled away from Erwin, suddenly angry with himself for being such a fool, for allowing Smith to get into his head. “ _Fucking bastard_ ,” he cursed.

“Levi…” Erwin’s voice was strained. Levi could feel his gaze burning into the side of his face but he refused to look back.

“Just leave me alone.”

“Levi,” Erwin’s voice was stronger now. “Levi, look at me.” Levi felt pressure on his shoulder, felt a tug as Erwin forced his shoulders to face his own.  “We will avenge them, Levi. I promise you, we will. But you have to help me. We have to help eachother.”

Levi glanced at Erwin, eyes narrowed, jaw set. Erwin waited for him to speak and when Levi said nothing, Erwin continued. “Lobov will be answering to a jury of his peers in only a week’s time. I have been asked to testify at that trial. Your testimonial will only damn him further. I would ask that you come with me and bear witness as well.”

Erwin’s eyes bore into Levi, expectant, waiting. “What makes you think any of those Capital pigs will listen to me? I’m just thief from the underground – or did you forget where you scrounged me up from?”

“They will listen,” Erwin persisted. “The evidence to support our claims is too compelling. They will have no choice.”

Anger flooded Levi. He had seen this so many times before. Those in power stayed in power by the sheer force and presence of that which they had already: _power_. Underground, it was the way of the world – when an illegal act was committed by a member of the Military Police, everyone seemed to look the other way. How many times had he heard of a rape escaping consequences? Of a murder going unpunished? What would make Lobov any different? And why should he trust Erwin Smith of all people with his friends’ memory?

 “I can’t do this without you, Levi. Our case against Lobov depends on you.”

Levi stood slowly, stiffness wracking his body. Without warning or word, he released his grapple hook, allowing it to attach into a nearby tree, locking in.  

Erwin scrambled to his feet. “Levi, where are you going?”

Looking back only once, Levi muttered, “I need to clear my head. Besides, you volunteered to take the watch, didn’t you?” And he allowed himself to be pulled away, feeling the cold wind on his face. He heard Erwin call out his name but ignored him.

Levi knew Erwin was too devoted to the Corps to abandon his post and follow him. So, he took his time darting in and out of the trees around him until he was further and further away from the Scout’s make-shift base. It wasn’t his intention to desert but the mixture of emotions that flowed through his head clouded his judgement. All he knew was that he needed to get as far away as Smith and his lofty ideals as possible.

Several kilometers away from the base, his device sputtered and spat its last tired gasp, out of gas. He landed gracefully on another branch and cursed himself for not checking his supplies before making his retreat.

“Shit!” he sank down onto the onto the tree with a heavy curse. As he accessed his surroundings, Levi resigned himself to yet another sleepless night, though he rarely slept as it was. He would have to spend the remainder of the night walking back to the campsite. His bones ached at the thought of it. He was sure, hidden amid bushes or behind the tall trees, titans slumbered - sleeping monsters lying in wait.

Though he hated to admit it, he may have overreacted in his effort to remove himself from Smith. An overreaction with which he would have to come to terms as he trudged back to camp. Hange’s words echoed in his mind, _Titans aren’t active at night, you know. Isn’t that fascinating?_ Still, he would have to be on high-alert. Levi eased himself slowly down the trunk and landed nimbly on his feet, his eyes scanning the blackness – all was still and silent, so he began his trek.

Levi did not startle easily.  Fear was not an emotion with which he had much experience. But in the darkness of titan territory, every sound, every quiet reverberation, seemed sure to bring his own untimely demise. In his current state, though, he almost welcomed it, almost hoped for a giant, ugly face to peer out from the blackness and swallow him up. He shook himself. _I’ll go mad before this night is through,_ he thought.

But as he approached the camp, sun still barely hidden by cover of darkness, he found he remained quite sane, though more exhausted that he could have ever imagined possible. As he could have anticipated, Squad Leader Smith was still keeping watch, unmoving from the spot in which Levi had left him, most likely awaiting Levi’s return. No other soldier seemed to have arisen yet, but Smith had obviously been up for hours. Their eyes connected and for a moment, Levi wished he could slink back into the night. The sound of gears reeling alerted Levi to Erwin’s descent from the trees.

“Levi,” Erwin landed deftly beside him. “What were you thinking? Apart from being completely insubordinate, do you have any idea how foolish and reckless that was?”

Levi scoffed, “ _Titans aren’t active at night,_ remember?”

“You abandoned your post, willingly endangered yourself, and could have prolonged the mission should we have had to dispatch a search party to go out after you!” Erwin’s voice was almost a whisper but he was truly angry – the first time Levi had ever seen him so.

“I imagine you’ve told Shadis, then?” he asked, matching the Squad Leader’s quiet tone.

“Why would I do that?” Erwin retorted. “You know he doubts your sincerity already, imagines you to be waiting to desert, given any opportunity.” He sighed heavily, rubbed his temples. “No, Levi. I think it best this little incident be best left between you and me.”

Levi was surprised at this. He had thought Erwin to be Shadis’s faithful servant. To fail to mention Levi’s disobedience hinted at something else – did Erwin distrust Shadis, think him unworthy of leadership? Or perhaps, in some way, his desire to protect Levi, to keep him invested in the Corps, was enough to create a rift between Commander and Squad Leader. Levi felt uncomfortable – was Erwin “looking out” for him? “Fine then.”

Erwin nodded. “We will talk more about it once we return. We have to begin rousing the other soldiers. We should begin heading back before the sun comes up.” He turned his back to Levi, but sternly, over his shoulder, Erwin said, “Levi, come.”

He felt like a dog but, for once, Levi did as he was told.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi hadn’t known what to expect as the diminished forces of the Scout Regiment passed through the walls of Shinganshina. But nothing could have prepared him for the homecoming they received.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who left kudos on Chapter One, bookmarked it, commented on it. My heart is so happy right now. The Eruri love is strong. I'm really excited about Chapter Two. We're going places, people.
> 
> Trust me when I tell you I have a plan. I know the way this is all going to play out in my head - the hard part is translating it, making it all make sense and flow nicely. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy - Please let me know what you think :)
> 
> Chapter Song - Heart Beat Here by Dashboard Confessional. So good.

Levi hadn’t known what to expect as the diminished forces of the Scout Regiment passed through the walls of Shinganshina. But nothing could have prepared him for the homecoming they received. Growing up in the underground, tears had become commonplace, the wailings of widows and orphans something with which he had become accustomed. But on the surface, the sounds of mourning seemed misplaced, inappropriate, erroneous. Screams grated on his ears, made his skin crawl.

“Commander Shadis!” a woman howled, her voice a shrill pitch Levi had never before heard. “My daughter…my daughter Martine – where is she?”

The Commander’s face was set in stone.  He didn’t look down, didn’t respond. The woman threw herself to her knees and wept as the soldiers picked their ways around her, keeping their pace, avoiding her eyes. “Please! Where is she?!” She grabbed a hold of any cloak near her – only to have each one in turn pulled from her clutches. Her head in her hands, she moaned and thrashed, pounding the ground with her fist.

“Fucking bastards! Wasting our taxes to kill more children!”

“How many bodies did you bring home this time?”

“Monsters, the lot of you! Worse than the titans that have us trapped here! At least they make their intentions clear!”

Levi’s eyes roamed the faces around him. Shame, guilt, fear, sorrow. All the scouts wore the same expressions. All except Erwin Smith. While most scouts looked to the ground, eyes downturned so as to hide their culpability, the Squad Leader looked straight ahead. His eyes seemed bright, his brow set in determination. He looked like a man following a path so clearly lit, it should have been obvious to everyone else around him. Who was this man whose eyes were so set on something no one else seemed to be able to see?

The trudging pace the scouts followed back to the Survey Corps base was so slow, Levi could count each one of his horse’s hoofprints. They kept time with his heart – slow and nearly lifeless in his chest. The further he moved back behind the walls, the deeper he became entrenched in his new reality – a reality in which Furlan and Isabel did not exist. He had left the walls with them in tow, not knowing that in only a matter of a few short hours, he would never see them again.

He imagined the look on Isabel’s face should she have returned with him, the exhaustion only masked over by her triumphant grin. She wouldn’t have been the least bit bothered by their sardonic return to Shinganshina. She would have been proud to have returned from her first expedition, proud of her first titan kill. Furlan, on the other hand, would have just been relieved to be alive, to return unscathed. He always was the rational one of their group, his cautiousness cancelling out Levi’s impulsivity. He imagined Isabel throwing her arms around him, laughing. Furlan clapping him on the back. _Big brother, can you believe it?_ Isabel’s voice was so animated, so filled with joy. _I told you – you can trust us, Levi!_ Furlan’s eyes were bright.

Levi forced himself out of his delusion, back to reality. Nearing the Survey Corps stables, he shifted uneasily. Soon he would have to dismount, reenter the world, and decide what to do next.

As he housed his horse, his mind swam with images of death, blood, raining body parts. Suddenly, he felt repulsive. He had known that he was stained with grime and bodily fluids, though up until this point, the commotion and movement had kept those realizations at bay. Now, he was fully aware of his friends’ blood decorating the white of his cravat, the green of his cloak. Titan blood evaporates. And he was _painted_ _red_. Immediately and overwhelmingly he was hit with a wave of nausea. _Not here, not now,_ he thought to himself. He would not allow the scouts to see his weakness. Least of all, he would not allow Erwin Smith to see it.

As if he had been summoned by Levi’s thoughts, Smith appeared at Levi’s shoulder. “Levi,” he said. “A word.” He turned and headed up to the headquarters, a looming castle-like structure, housing the officer’s personal chambers and offices. It didn’t even occur to Levi to wonder what Smith wanted. His skin crawled at the thought of another moment in his soiled uniform. But again, he wordlessly did as he was told.

Erwin’s office was as Levi would have expected it to be. The man, himself, always looked clean and well-groomed, though Levi was sure that, internally, the Squad Leader’s mind was a beautiful mess, constantly churning and puzzling, never resting, never settling. His office was quite the same. While it seemed dusted, polished and clean, the harder one looked, the more details appeared out of place – papers scattered, ink splotches uncleaned, cobwebs left undisturbed. As though, this man was much too busy to tidy up, much too important to care about those little indulgences.

Erwin gestured to a plain, unadorned chair. “Please, sit.” He then rounded his own desk and took a seat opposite the chair he offered to Levi. Levi eyed his surroundings uneasily. He chanced a look down at the chair offered to him and stubbornly, did not want to sit. His bones protested his obstinacy however and he gave in despite himself, taking a seat across from the Squad Leader. He glared at him.

“This couldn’t have waited? I’m stink of titan shit and I’m covered in – “

“Levi…” Erwin’s voice sounded as exhausted as he outwardly appeared. “I thought now would be a pertinent time to discuss some housekeeping items. Commander Shadis and I have spoken and we think it best that you join my squad moving forward.”

Levi did his best to allow his face to convey no emotion. It shouldn’t surprise him – Smith did seem to have some sort of strange fixation with winning Levi’s affections – a task he would be hard-pressed to achieve. Levi was not so easily won-over, not so easily swayed.

“You’re not surprised?” Erwin accessed.

“Why would I be? You’ve made your obsession with me obvious since you first hunted me down.”

Erwin raised an eyebrow. “Obsession?”

“Tsk…” Suddenly, Levi felt self-conscious, completely aware of himself. He crossed his arms over his chest, a refusing to meet Smith’s eyes, as a flush unwillingly crept up the back of his neck.

Erwin ignored Levi’s obvious agitation. “I think you will benefit from being on my squad – you know Mike already. Stella and Gris are both strong maneuverers. And perhaps from them you can learn to respect your superiors.” Erwin was smirking now. Was he _joking_? 

“I suppose you want to lecture me about my _insubordination_ last night, then?” Levi interjected.

“I have a feeling that if I make a habit of lecturing you every time you disobey a direct order, I’ll soon run out of breath.” He _was_ joking. Levi fought back the urge to seem surprised. Erwin continued, “Though, I would urge you to consider making wiser choices, especially regarding going off alone in titan-infested territory. My concern is only for your safety.”

“Afraid to lose your return on investment, Smith?” Levi shot and Erwin’s smile faltered.

“Is that what you think you are, Levi? An investment?”

“Am I not?” Levi’s studied the Squad Leader’s face, searching for a crack in that perfectly fastened mask. But Smith refused to break.

“You’re now a solider under my command. I am responsible for your prosperity and your well-being as long as you are a part of my squad.”

Levi almost laughed out loud. “My well-being? So, _what_ , you’re going to spoon-feed me and make sure I’m clothed and that I go to bed at a decent hour?”

“I’m going to supply you with anything you need to dedicate your heart and continue fighting for the Corps.” Suddenly Erwin was sober, unsmiling.

Levi scoffed. “ _Anything_ I need?”

“Anything.” The serious look on Erwin’s face rattled Levi. Again, he was too flabbergasted to find words to throw back. He wanted to look away but he couldn’t. His eyes connected with Erwin’s and for a moment, he felt an electric surge so strong he almost couldn’t bear it. Levi wondered if Erwin could feel it too, if it both frightened and intrigued him in the same way.

Erwin broke away first and the connection failed at once. “I have something for you…I was afraid to give it to you last night.” He shook his head derisively. “I was afraid the wounds might have been too fresh…though I’m sure even now it’s still probably too soon...” He reached into the pocket of his jacket and slowly pulled out a patch – a bloodied and tattered patch depicting the wings of freedom. It looked like the patch sewn on the jacket pocket of the Survey Corps uniforms and it was frayed at the edges as though someone had used a knife to cut it from the fabric. Not _someone. Erwin Smith._ Upon closer inspection, Levi’s heart stopped. There were two patches – not one, but _two_.

“They were Isabel and Furlan’s. I…went back for them after…” Erwin stumbled over his words and Levi watched him curiously. He was always so well-spoken, so self-assured. Why now did he seem so unsure of himself? “I wanted you to have something of theirs – something that proves they lived.” He outstretched his hand, presented the patches to Levi.

Levi set the patches on his lap and soundlessly, he caressed them, ran his fingers over them, tracing every inch, feeling every fabric. The last fingers to touch these patches, apart from Erwin’s and his own, belonged to his friends. His friends who had proudly worn these patches on their chests and died wearing them.

He became aware, after a long moment, of Erwin’s eyes watching him. He wanted to snap at him, to tell him to mind his own business or chide him for being a _voyeur_ , but instead, he just said, “Thank you.”

Erwin nodded. “You’re welcome, Levi.”

Levi stood, his heart in his throat, patches clutched to his chest. Erwin stood in response. “I’m sorry. I’m sure you’re ready to get cleaned up… I should as well. My first mission, it took me weeks to get the titan stink off me.” He chuckled to himself but Levi hardly noticed. His mind was too clouded, disengaged, somewhere else entirely.

“Levi?” He heard his name, looked up. “Try to get some rest tonight. I know it won’t be easy but, it will get _easier_.”

Levi nodded, moving towards the door. Smith turned the knob, held the door open for him. Levi sensed his desire to say something, his hesitation and eventual decision to remain silent. That was fine – Levi had nothing to say in return.

As he stepped out the door, he heard Erwin say, “Good night, Levi.” He paused a moment, wanting to respond. But instead, he just nodded, turned on his heel and didn’t look back.

 

* * *

 

Freshly cleaned and scoured raw from his fervent scrubbing, Levi headed towards the barracks. The benefit of being detained by Smith was that he had missed the rush to the bathhouse and was therefore allowed to wash up in near complete solitude. There had been no one to see him be swallowed up by his grief as he washed away the last remaining evidence that his friends had ever existed.  It struck him how Furlan and Isabel occupied every spare moment of his time. Nearly all of his thoughts were consumed with memories of the last time he had seen them alive, the last time he had heard their voices.

As he neared the bunk he had shared with Furlan, he was startled to see something odd peeking out from underneath his pillow. The corner of a plain, inconspicuous envelope was visible and he cautiously retrieved it, eyes suspiciously darting back and forth, covering every inch of the barracks. Not sure what to expect, he slid his finger through the seal and ripped the envelope open, withdrawing a hastily written note displaying only two words.

_Stables. Midnight._

It was 10 minutes until midnight and Levi’s heart was racing. Who had left this message? What did they want? Should he be still in the underground, Levi would have thought the nondescript message to be a trap, relying on his curiosity to lead him to his own demise. But he wasn’t in the underground anymore. Against his better judgement, Levi made up his mind to investigate and headed to the stables. Not before stashing a knife in each boot and yet another in his belt. Best to be prepared.

Each step he took felt like an eternity, grounding him to the earth, nearly rendering him immobile. He had no idea what he was doing, felt foolish at how idiotic he was being. But he wasn’t afraid – if it was death he was walking towards, so be it. He had slipped his friend’s Wings inside his breast pocket and in a way, they moved him onwards, gave him courage.

A shadowy figure, tall and lanky stood enshrouded in the darkness, off to the side of the stables, almost hidden, almost _lurking_. Levi couldn’t quite make out the details of the figure’s face but the voice seemed suddenly so familiar to him, snapping him back to a place and time he had discarded to the back of his mind, “Levi?” The figure gestured to where he was standing before disappearing into the darkness, further obscured by the stables’ hulking frame.

The man Levi faced in the moonlight froze him in his tracks. The last time he had seen this man was in the underground, being carried to a carriage, bound for the surface and a treatment that promised to save his failing legs. He had been Furlan’s pet project – suffering from an ailment known only to those in the underground, an ailment caused by lack of sunlight, lack of nutrients, lack of air. Furlan had taken pity on him, divvied out extra rations of pay to help him. But it had only been through the good graces of _Nicholas Lobov_ that Yan had gotten the surgery he needed.

Yan – his hair was longer. Thick brown curls rested on his head and trailed down the sides of his face, just touching the tips of his ears. His eyes were the same golden brown, his face wore the same soft expression of innocence. But his legs…he was _standing_. Levi had never seen Yan stand before. From the time Levi had known Yan, failing legs had rendered him immobile, bound him to crutches and eventually, to a wheeled chair.

Yan’s treatment on the surface had been Lobov’s deposit for the work Levi and his friends were to complete – for the assassination of Erwin Smith. As assassination that was never accomplished; a mission that hadn’t been successful. 

Yan spoke first. “Furlan and Isabel, did you tell them you were coming here?”

Levi’s voice caught in his throat. He worked to steady himself before speaking. “They’re dead, Yan.”

Yan’s eyes widened in shock. “No…” was all he said in response. Then he grabbed his head in his hands and collapsed to his knees in front of Levi. “No no no no no…”

“Yan – “ Levi tried to bring Yan back to his feet but Yan shook him off.

“Levi, I’m in trouble. You have no idea how much trouble. They’re going to kill me…they killed Isabel and Furlan and now they’re going to kill me!”

“Yan, what are you talking about? The titans killed Isabel and Furlan.”

“ _Did they_? How can you be so sure? How do you know that Isabel and Furlan weren’t led into the mouths of those monsters on purpose? Were you _there_?” Yan’s golden eyes settled on Levi and bore directly into him. Levi hadn’t been there. Levi couldn’t be sure.

“Smith lives, Levi – your mission failed. And now Lobov is going to kill me.”  Yan was sobbing now, tears streaming down his cheeks. Levi had known Yan to be weak-hearted, easily prone to being overcome by his emotions. But this was different. His tears now were a result of Levi’s failure.

Levi knelt down beside Yan and gently laid a hand on his shoulder. It was a position in which Levi had spent so little time, he felt unsure, uncomfortable, unsteady. “Lobov has been arrested...” Hadn’t Smith told him that Lobov was to face trial? That the Commander-in-Chief, Darius Zakley, had been informed and that Lobov was now in custody? Why would Smith lie? Was he misinformed?

“You’re wrong.  Lobov escaped custody. I owe him a debt for my legs. A debt I can never repay…except by…” Yan trailed off, sobs quieted to sniffles.

“What does he want, Yan?”

After a long moment of trailing off, staring at the ground, Yan finally looked up, eyes glistening, wet with tears. “He wants _you_ , Levi _.” Of course_ he did.

“He wants to kill me?” _Well, he wouldn’t be the first._

“I…I don’t know…”

“Tsk…” Levi’s eyes narrowed, mind set. “Let the fucker try. Where is he?”

“He’s been hiding in the underground. You have 24 hours to give yourself up or they will reverse the treatment on my legs…and kill me in the process." His voice shook in fear.

 “Tomorrow night…” Levi was tired, so tired. “Then we better get moving…It’s a 12-hour ride on horseback to Mitras from here – and we will have to make camp along the way for my horse…Can you take me to him?” Levi stood, offered a hand to Yan. Yan took it hesitantly, “You…you’re going to do it? To turn yourself in? Why…why would you do that?”

“It’s what Furlan would have wanted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully Yan didn't come out of nowhere.  
> And hopefully Levi's interaction with him didn't seem OOC. Furlan was always so kind to Yan due to his mother having experienced the same ailment. I think in a way, Levi really wants to honor Furlan's memory by helping Yan.
> 
> And I just didn't buy Lobov going down so easily. No repercussions? The guy is so rich he has his own stairwell in and out of the underground...
> 
> Any way, please let me know what you think. Hoping this flows smoothly and makes sense.  
> Also hoping the moments between Erwin and Levi were as fraught as I thought they were when I was writing them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The underground – the place Levi had grown up, the one place to which he had never wanted to return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again, so much, to everyone who commented, left kudos, bookmarked etc my work! This has been SO much fun to write! It's been all I have wanted to do the last few days!
> 
> So it begins...the journey back to the underground. 
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> The one song that kept going though my head when writing this chapter was Way Down We Go by Kaleo. This song has always reminded me of Kenny and Levi's relationship for some reason...(Kenny will not be featured in this chapter FYI) but it seems to pertain well to the events in this chapter as well.

The underground – the place Levi had grown up, the one place to which he had never wanted to return.

Levi had allowed Yan to ride behind him on his horse, thus further slowing their travels. They had decided to stop and make camp in Ehrmich to give his horse a chance to rest. They stabled her and rented a room at a nearby inn. Between Levi’s monthly stipend since joining the Corps and Yan’s savings, they had enough money to pay for a small chamber and a loaf of stale bread for dinner.

That night, Yan fell asleep easily. His soft snores comforted Levi in a strange way. It felt good to be near someone who had known Furlan and Isabel, someone who had perhaps come close to loving them in the same way he had. It was a reminder that they had lived, had touched more lives than just his own. Levi had volunteered up the bed – having always slept better curled up in a chair anyway. Yet, he still struggled to find even a few hours of rest – every time he closed his eyes, Isabel opened hers – staring lifelessly into the distance, head separated from her body.

When the sun began to rise, Levi was already awake. “Yan – it’s time to go.”

Yan nodded resolutely, rose from the bed, stared at Levi. “Levi, you look like shit. Did you get any sleep at all?”

“Tsk…” Levi scoffed and rolled his eyes. Did it matter? If Lobov had his way, he was a dead man anyhow.

The remainder of the trek was a silent one, slow and tedious. Levi knew his horse was exhausted and he felt guilty for pushing her. He tried to allow her multiple breaks on the journey, but the day was passing quickly, their time running out. Soon, Mitras became visible with its lavish buildings that nearly touched the sky. Levi’s stomach clenched, knowing that just beneath his feet, the underground lay in wait.

Levi’s legs trembled as he dismounted. The amount of time he had spent on horseback over the past few days had bruised the insides of his thighs so severely, it almost pained him to walk. He ignored the nuisance and helped Yan down.  They would have to house his horse outside of town at a nearby stable. As Levi tied her up, made sure she had water, he patted her neck, scratched under her chin. When paying the stablemaster, he said, “If I don’t return for her within 48 hours, alert the Scout Regiment that their horse is here.”

The entrance to the underground was a set of stairs on the fringes of Mitras, nowhere near the capital. This placement was most likely in an effort to keep the rats of the underground away from the king and nobility. Today, two bored looking MP’s guarded the stairway. Levi’s heart hammered inside his chest, his every inclination begging him to turn away, an alarm screaming in his brain.

Yan stepped in front of Levi as the MP’s looked up upon their approach. One of them was stocky, hardly suited for the vertical maneuvering gear he had around his waist. The other MP was trimmer, firmer, sharper looking. His eyes were beady and dark, like a hawk’s eyes. His pointed face was familiar to Levi, though he supposed this was most likely due to years of run-ins with the MP’s while living in the underground. _Most_ MP’s looked familiar to him – he had probably either evaded him or beat him within an inch of his life at one point. This one, though, looked almost _too_ familiar. And judging by the look on his face when his narrowed eyes rested on Levi, Levi looked familiar to him as well.

The stocky MP spoke first, “Well, well, well. If it isn’t the prodigal son, Yan returned from his jaunt to the surface. Looking to come back down and join the cripples, Yanny boy?” He guffawed, throwing his head back in an exaggerated laugh.

The slimmer MP did not take his eyes off Levi. The look he gave sent chills down Levi’s spine. It took every ounce of his self-control not to knock him to the ground and beat him to a bloody pulp.

Yan shifted uncomfortably, obviously self-conscious being the center of attention. “We’ve been summoned to the underground at the request of the noble lord Starling.” His voice shook but he stood his ground, feet planted, hands in fists at his sides.

“Starling?” the squat MP eyed him. “Who the hell is _Starling_? Never heard of him.” He made to shoo Yan away but his partner threw out his arm, stopped his dismissal. He looked at Yan with a knowing look. “Let him pass, Artur.”

Artur shot his companion a confused look but did as he was told. He moved aside, revealing the cavernous opening to the underground, stairs jutting downward into the blackness. Levi held his breath as he took the first step, as his boot touched the stone slab that would lead him back down into the depths of his hometown. As he made to pass the MP’s, the slimmer one grabbed his shoulder and leaned into his ear. His breath was hot as it brushed the hair that framed Levi’s face.

“Welcome home, Levi.”

He released Levi and turned back as though no interaction had taken place between them. Levi, despite himself, felt chilled to the core.

As they descended the steps to the underground, the air around them cooled measurably. To break the silence and drown out his own heart pounding in his ears, Levi spoke, “Starling, huh?”

“Code name for Lobov. Some of the MP’s are loyal to him.”

It didn’t surprise Levi. Though the Military Police were charged with the well-being humanity, their loyalties were often bought and sold to the highest bidder and Lobov was enormously wealthy.

“Levi?” Levi sighed. He had opened himself up to conversation by being the first to speak. He had no one to blame but himself for Yan’s attempt to continue it. “Why didn’t you do it?”

“Do what?” Levi snapped back, irritated at the ambiguity of Yan’s question.

“Why didn’t you kill Erwin Smith?”

Levi froze, jarred. He didn’t know, couldn’t put it into words. He could sense Yan’s imploring eyes on him, desirous of some kind of answer, some kind of explanation for their current predicament, but Levi could provide none. He slowly raised his hand to his breast pocket, felt the outline of the patches within, and suddenly, in a crashing cascade of reality, he realized that his desire to kill Smith was gone.

“Levi?”

“I just didn’t… Do I have to have a reason?” he snapped.

“He’s responsible for Isabel and Furlan’s deaths. If it had been me, I wouldn’t have hesitated…” Yan’s voice, for once, seemed resolute. Levi shook his head.

“Smith is not the reason they’re dead, Yan.”

They travelled the rest of the way in silence, Yan leading the way. He didn’t look back while winding his way through the streets and down alleyways. The familiarity of his surroundings created a feeling of uneasiness in Levi, a feeling he bit back in defiance.

The streets were the same cobblestones as on the surface, the houses made of the same brick and clay. But there was no sunlight. Levi felt he would drown in the dankness, the stink of decay filling his nose. When he had lived below the surface, never knowing what it felt like to be outside this life had been commonplace. Now, Levi felt claustrophobic, like the very walls of the underground could at any moment, collapse in on him and swallow him alive. Panic clutched at his throat, threatening to burst forth and consume him. He fiercely swallowed it down.

The final corner down which Yan rounded brought back memories Levi had long since forgotten. Sitting on the corner of the street, quiet, dark and foreboding, sat the little apartment he had once shared with Isabel and Furlan. But now, the once vibrant and noisy street corner was soundless, taciturn, exhibiting  no sign of life. Yan turned to look at him and nodded. Levi’s eyes darted from Yan to the house and then back in disbelief.

“It was vacant after you three left. Lobov’s spies took it over. It’s almost _ironic_ now…isn’t it?” Yan’s voice sounded so hollow, so empty.

“It’s dark,” Levi accessed. “You sure they’re in there?”

Yan shrugged an uncertain expression masking his face. Levi moved to the door, treading up the stone steps upon which he had tramped so many times before – in what felt like another life entirely.

He peered into the window adjacent the door. Solid blackness within. No candles were lit, no movement within. He glanced back at Yan before trying the door handle. Locked. Perhaps they had vacated, been found, arrested. A slight flicker of hope bloomed in Levi’s chest.

“Levi…” Yan said his name and Levi looked up expectantly but Yan shook his head and looked away. “It’s nothing…” he said as though he had thought better of that which he was going to say.

“Tsk…” Irritated, Levi grit his teeth. Without hesitation, he slammed his elbow through the glass of the window, shattering it.  Yan let out a frightened whimper. Levi slid his hand through the opening, careful to avoid the shards that protruded from the sill. Deftly, he maneuvered his hand behind the door and turned the latch, unlocking the door.

“Like you’ve done it a million times…” Yan quietly admired.

“I have,” was his reply.

And then they were in. Levi opened the front door, remembering how it creaked on its hinges before it even made a sound. He knew exactly which floor boards to avoid due to their squeakiness, knew how many steps to each individual room within. As a precaution, he reached into his belt and pulled out a knife…it was too quiet. There was no movement in response to his footsteps. Something was wrong.

“I’m sorry, Levi.” Levi’s breath hitched. He spun around.

Yan held a small, discreet revolver nearly pressed to Levi’s forehead. His hand trembled though he fought to hold it still. His eyes never left Levi’s as he said, “I have him.”

And then they were on him. Too many of them – at least ten, though in the darkness it was hard for Levi to count. The first blow came up from the blackness and connected with the side of his head, though he was too quick for the second to make contact. His knife jammed into an arm, a leg, someone’s temple. He didn’t care – he fought like a wild animal, lunging and diving, imperceptibly fast.

“Levi, stop it!” Yan called out, the gun still pointed at him, the trembling in his hands ongoing. “Stop, it, I’ll shoot.” But Levi ignored him. Yan was too soft, too weak. He would not shoot. He had no idea the blood Levi had on his hands, the blood Levi was willing to spill.

He cut his way though Lobov’s men– throwing their bodies to the ground like discarded trash.

“I said, STOP IT!” The gun blast hardly registered with Levi until a sharp pain exploded in his right shoulder, dropping him instantly to his knees. He cried out, clawing at the fresh wound with his other hand, feeling the blood gushing through his fingers. It was a pain unlike any he had ever before felt. The knife dropped from his grasp and fell to the floor, his grip releasing unwillingly.  His ears rung, his world spun.

“Yan…” his voice was shallow. Blood continued to pour from his shoulder, down his arm, dripping to the floor.

Levi felt a boot connect with his stomach and he doubled over. “Fucker!” he heard shouts. But the only face he could make out was Yan’s looking down at him. His expression was nearly unreadable. But his hand had stopped trembling. Of that, Levi could be sure.

“Glad to see you made it home, Levi,” a man’s deep voice resonated through the room, a voice he recognized, a voice that had haunted his thoughts since the night Isabel and Furlan had died. “Apologies for the less than pleasant homecoming. Some of my men have been waiting a long time to get their  hands on you.” Nicholas Lobov.

Another boot to the back of his head and his world went black.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... really sorry if any of you are traumatized. It's going to get worse before it gets better...but should be fun along the way. 
> 
> I am not underestimating Levi's strength and skill here in any way. I truly think the only way Levi could have been taken down was:   
> 1\. Being completely outnumbered   
> 2\. Being surprised by someone he trusted or underestimated and   
> 3\. A gun (which we know the people in the walls have access to)  
> Not to mention he is days fresh from a mission beyond the walls and completely exhausted.
> 
> Please let me know what you think in the comments! I really appreciate the feedback!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi was gone. Erwin couldn’t help replaying the conversation with Levi over and over in his mind. Had he said something wrong? Offended the smaller man in such a way as to convince him to leave? Erwin didn’t know why it mattered so much to him – but he couldn’t shake the shallow pit that settled in his stomach whenever he thought about Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's an Erwin chapter! I actually really enjoyed writing from his POV. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Eruri song - I Found by Amber Run. OMG this song. It's one of those songs that fuels the Eruri fire for me. There is one line in it that I think really sums up Erwin for me - "I'll use you as a warning sign that if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind." GAH! So good.

Levi was gone. Erwin couldn’t help replaying the conversation with Levi over and over in his mind. Had he said something wrong? Offended the smaller man in such a way as to convince him to leave? Erwin didn’t know why it mattered so much to him – but he couldn’t shake the shallow pit that settled in his stomach whenever he thought about Levi.

None of the soldiers in the barracks had seen him go to bed that night. And his horse was gone from the stables. All Erwin could imagine was that he had deserted, abandoned the Corps and that it was his own fault. For pushing him too hard, for allowing his friends to be killed.

He couldn’t help remembering the remorse he had seen hidden behind those steel-colored eyes. The look of shock as Erwin had withdrawn the patches he had removed from Isabel and Furlan’s uniforms. He didn’t know why he had done it – removed those small pieces of fabric from the dismembered bodies of Levi’s comrades. Perhaps it was the guilt that had wracked his brain, made him feel responsible for their deaths.

A sharp pain shot through the palm of his hand and Erwin instinctively gasped out loud, checking the bandage he had hastily used to cover his wound. Blood had begun to creep through the fabric. Levi’s blade had dug deep. It had been his intention to kill Erwin. The thought sent a shiver down his spine. He only hoped the wound had not become infected. He had known men to lose arms over much less.

“Smith!” The thunderous voice of the Commander echoed down the hall, summoning him from his dismayed thoughts. As Shadis approached, he raised an eyebrow, or lack thereof, at Erwin’s downcast expression. “So you’ve heard then?”

“Levi?” Erwin nodded, ignoring the clenching pit in his stomach as he said that name aloud.

“Seems he disappeared sometime in the night. Took one of our horses with him as well…that little shit.” Shadis crossed his arms in front of his chest, the look on his face one of absolute disgust.

In a way, Erwin pitied Shadis. Behind the gruff exterior was a man who grew weary – weary of begging for funding, weary of leading young soldiers to their impending deaths, weary of the burden of leadership. So much of the blame for failed missions fell on Shadis – Erwin knew it was becoming too heavy of a weight for this man to bear.

“It just doesn’t make sense to me…” Erwin spoke out loud. “Where else does he have to go?”

Shadis rolled his eyes. “What doesn’t make sense about it, Smith? Once a criminal, always a criminal. The thug probably went back to the underground to live like a king on the money he got selling our stolen horse!”

“The underground…?” Erwin looked at Shadis intently. “Why would he go back there? There’s nothing for him there anymore…his friends’ deaths…”

“Friends…hmph…” Shadis looked away. “They were more his subordinates than anything else. You think he really cared about those two?”

Erwin cocked an eyebrow at Shadis. “I do. He only agreed with Lobov’s plan to gain them citizenship on the surface…”

“Ahh! That reminds me…” Shadis dug into the pocket of his jacket and withdrew a white envelope, it’s seal broken. Erwin recognized that seal immediately – the swirling “Z” embossed into the gold wax. “This arrived this morning. From Zakley. He addressed it to me but I think it’s pertinent you see it.”

Erwin took it uncertainly. There was really only one reason Zakley would be writing Survey Corps leadership as of late. Retrieving the letter from the envelope, his heart skipped a beat.

“Lobov’s evaded capture…” His eyes connected with Shadis’s.

Shadis chuckled. “How that fat bastard was able to outrun the MP’s in their maneuvering gear is beyond me…though I do imagine it to be a rather comical sight.” Erwin didn’t laugh in return.  

“We knew there was a sect of MP’s loyal to Lobov…”

“We did…” Shadis sobered, nodded. “This shouldn’t surprise you, Smith.”

“Not surprising…but concerning nonetheless.” His mind flickered back to Levi. Could it really be just a coincidence that his newest recruit had disappeared on the very night Lobov had escaped his arrest? An arrest for which both Levi and Erwin were responsible? He voiced his concerns to Shadis and the Commander just sighed.

“Well, that makes all the more sense, then doesn’t it? The assassin running back to his master…or did you forget that the very reason that thug decided to join the Corps in the first place was to _murder you_? On Lobov’s orders?”

“I haven’t forgotten – “ Erwin snapped.

Shadis’s eyes narrowed. “Watch yourself, Squad Leader. Don’t throw away all that potential on one street urchin…I know you want to believe you can save him…but some men don’t want to be saved. Let him go.” His face softened as he placed a hand on Erwin’s shoulder. “Spend your time on the men who want to be here, who respect you, who follow you and believe in you. The members of your squad lost friends yesterday as well.”

Erwin’s gaze faltered, dropped to the ground and he nodded, hearing truth in those words. He wanted so badly to earn Levi’s trust, to rescue him from that hell of a life he had been living. It hadn’t occurred to him that perhaps from that life, Levi had never wanted to be rescued.

“Go see to them, Smith. They need your guidance now more than ever.”

Erwin knew Shadis was right. He turned and headed to his squad’s wing in the barracks, unsure of what he would say, how he would comfort them when he himself felt so miserable.

As he had imagined they would be, the three remaining members of his small squad sat gathered together, all on the same bunk. Stella’s head was on Gris’s shoulder, both of their eyes were on Mike, and all eyes were glistening with reminiscent tears. To announce his presence, Erwin knocked on a nearby bunk with his knuckles. Immediately, Stella’s head shot up from Gris’s shoulder, her red curls bouncing, framing her face. Erwin smiled. He had known about Stella and Gris’s relationship for a while, though they had done their best to hide it from him.

They looked at him then, seeking his words, needing his comfort. He sat down on the bunk next to Mike, felt the weight of their stares. After a moment of silence, he spoke. “Fitz and Marcelle fought bravely.”

They all nodded, not meeting his eyes.

“You know if they could see you all now, huddled in this bunk instead of drinking to their memories, they’d be furious.” Erwin thought he could see the hint of a smile pulling at Gris’s lips.

Stella chuckled, wiping her big green eyes with her sleeve. “Marcelle would hate this. He always thought we were undermining our comrades’ lives by dwelling on their deaths…”

Gris grinned, his dark black hair falling in his eyes. “Fitz would just have drowned his sorrows in some good ale until he couldn’t help but feel happy again…”

They all smiled, all but Mike, who would not meet Erwin’s eyes, hadn’t since he had entered the barracks. Erwin had known Mike since their training days, considered him one of his closest friends. In an effort to comfort him, he clapped a hand on Mike’s shoulder. Mike withdrew.

“Erwin, may I have a word?” Still not meeting Erwin’s gaze, Mike stood. Erwin watched him, dumbfounded. It wasn’t like Mike to pull away, to refuse to meet his eyes. “Of course.” He stood, straightened his uniform, nodded to Stella and Gris.

Mike led the way out of the barracks in the brightness of the morning. Erwin followed, watching his form for any hint of his intentions. Once fully outside and out of earshot, Erwin spoke,” Mike?” This was more than grief for his deceased comrades. Erwin had seen Mike mourn before. This was something else entirely.

Mike whirled around, eyes afire. Anger.

“Your squad needed you, Smith!”

“Mike – “

“Last night. During the mission. After it. And where were you?”

“Mike.”

“Stella was a mess last night. Gris was even worse. Do you _care_? Is this all just an ego project for you? Another notch in your belt of accomplishments? Taming the underground dog – “

“Mike!” Erwin raised his voice silencing Mike mid-sentence. “It doesn’t matter now. Levi is gone.”

Mike paused in his tracks. Defiantly, he met Erwin’s eyes, “I know.”

 “What?” It was Erwin’s turn now to feel angry.

Mike glared back at Erwin. “I saw the rat turn tail and run off.”

Erwin whipped around, grabbed Mike squarely by the shoulders and looked him directly in the eyes. “What did you see?”

Mike ripped himself from Erwin’s grasp, fury evident in his expression as he explained himself. “I didn’t think he would desert…There was another person with him. A man…taller than him…I’ve never seen him before. They talked for a long time before Levi hitched his horse and they rode off….”

“Why wouldn’t you say something?”

Mike’s eyes flashed dangerously. “I’m saying something _now_. Besides, what does it matter, Erwin? He probably ran off with one of his underground cronies – they’re undoubtedly almost to Mitras by now!”

Erwin dropped his gaze, the realization setting in. “Lobov escaped custody last night, Mike.”

“What?” Mike blinked in disbelief. “I thought Zakley sent a messenger – “

“He sent another messenger this morning. Lobov remains at large.” He rubbed his temples, feeling sick to his stomach. It was all making some kind of twisted sense in his mind. Levi didn’t have _underground cronies,_ at least not any that lived. The smaller man’s words rang in his mind, ‘ _Not like I have anywhere else to go’._ He remembered that look on Levi’s face, felt the surge of electricity that had shot through his body when their eyes had connected.

He shook himself. No, something was not right here. He glanced down at Mike, forcing his stubborn eyes into submission. “Something is amiss, Mike. Levi is in danger.”

Mike sighed. “You can’t be serious?”

“Think about it, Mike,” Erwin persisted. “Levi disappears the night after Lobov evades arrest with a strange man you’ve never seen before…And you and I both know that Levi doesn’t have any friends to speak of…not anymore.”

“Well they certainly _looked_ friendly,” Mike scoffed and Erwin bristled. Surprised at himself, he snapped back, insistent. “It doesn’t matter,” he forced himself to say. “It doesn’t sit well with me. I’m going to the underground. I’m going to find him.”

“Goddammit, Erwin! This is probably all one big ploy to get you alone and finish the job he started!” Mike was resolute, putting his foot down, Erwin could see it. But there was no changing his mind.

“He had the opportunity to finish the job many times in the last two days, Mike. My life is no longer in danger, at least not from Levi.”

Mike shook his head, obviously dismayed. “You’re really doing this? You’re going back there, to that hellhole? It smells like trash and mold and disease. It’s worse than a puddle of titan vomit.” Mike wrinkled his sensitive nose, made a face of disgust. 

Erwin nodded, unyielding.

“Fuck!” Mike rolled his eyes back in his head and scoured his head in his hands. “You infuriate me, Smith. This is so like you – so selfish.”

Erwin almost laughed. “I’m not asking you to come with me, Mike.”

“Because you already know you don’t have to ask, you cheeky bastard. _What_ , I’m supposed to just let you waltz off to the underground and get yourself killed?”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

Though Erwin laughed, he knew Mike was still angry. Mike’s brow was set as he rounded on Erwin, pointed a solitary finger directly in his face. “This isn’t settled, Smith. I’ll go with you to rescue that mongrel. I’ll bear the stink to ensure you come back alive but you have to promise me…promise me that if he truly deserted, if he’s gone back to the underground and his old way of life, you’ll let him go.”

Erwin sighed. “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked reading Erwin's perspective as much as I enjoyed writing it! Let me know in the comments!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lobov’s deep voice reverberated. “Welcome back, Levi. We’re so glad you could join us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning on releasing this Tuesday but I just can't wait any longer. I'm excited and nervous about this chapter. Can't wait to hear what you all think.
> 
> This is the first chapter wherein I feel obligated to archive some warnings. Expect some graphic depictions of violence and non-con elements. I hope that doesn't scare anyone away or reveal too much. 
> 
> Chapter Song - Beautiful Crime by Tamer. It's so dark and haunting. It reminds me of the underground and in a weird way, it always reminded me of Erwin too.

_Levi…_

That voice was so familiar, soft, inviting.

_Levi…_

A woman’s voice. One he had heard before…a long time ago. One that had slipped into the fringes of his memory.

_Levi…Come here, little one._

He could barely remember her face but suddenly, there she was. His mother. Her face was gaunt, her skin was marble white. But she was still beautiful. Her hair matched his, the same jet black in color, but hers trailed down her back, to hang in stark straight locks. Her eyes, though the same steel gray as his, were sunken where once they had been bright. She opened her arms to him and as he approached, she scooped him up, pulled him close.

His body, so small, so thin and frail, fit perfectly in between her arms. He nuzzled into her. He could hear her labored breathing, hear her struggle to take a breath in-between her words. She had been sick for almost as long as he could remember. As of late, it was only getting worse. She hadn’t gotten out of bed in days, hadn’t had the energy to eat.

 _Levi, I need to tell you something. Look at me._ He did and she smiled. _Do you know how special you are, little boy?_

He felt embarrassed, shook his head. “Am not. I’m just normal.”

She laughed. _Nothing about you is normal, Levi. You are destined for greatness. One day, you’re going to leave this place. And when you do, you will make a new life for yourself. A life that you choose._

“What about you?”

She coughed. Blood was splattered in her handkerchief as she pulled it away. He saw her try to hide it from him.

_You’re better than me, Levi. You are meant for so much more than this._

Her breathing was getting more and more labored. Her eyes glazed over. _I love you, little boy.  I love you, Levi…Levi…Levi…_

_LEVI!_

And suddenly his mother was gone. Kenny smacked him upside his head before rustling his hair. _Ya little shit! You need to start payin’ more attention! You listenin’ to me?_

Levi rubbed his ear, the spot sore where Kenny’s fist had connected. He glared at the tall man standing in front of him. He hated Kenny’s scraggly face and his over-sized, wide-brimmed hat. He hated the way he talked and the sound of his voice, so very different from the warm vibrato of his mother’s.

 _This world won’t be kind to little runts like you! Tiny little baby birds that don’t know how to fly – the underground’s gonna chew ya up and spit ya out._ He grabbed Levi by his ear, yanked hard.

“Stop!” Levi slapped his hand away with all the force he could muster but Kenny just laughed. _You think that pathetic little hit’s gonna throw off an enemy? A mugger? A raper? Yer weak, kid. You gotta do better than that._

It took little force for Kenny to knock Levi off his feet, throw him in a puddle, splash mud in his face. He scoffed. _Pathetic._

“Stop it!” Levi flew off his feet and pounced on Kenny. The force he was able to generate propelled Kenny back, took him by surprise. He stumbled and almost fell to the ground, only barely catching himself. His eyes filled with fury. Without hesitation, he whipped his hand back and backhanded Levi hard across the face. Levi fell, scraping his knee and the palms of his hands on the stones as he caught himself. Before he knew it, Kenny’s fists were wrapped tightly on the collar of his tunic and he was lifted off the ground.

 _You think yer some kind of special, boy? You best think again. Yer not special. Yer nothin’._ He dropped Levi, let him fall to the ground. Levi wanted to cry but he wouldn’t let Kenny see his tears. He wiped his nose on his sleeve, stood up defiantly and Kenny laughed.

_Levi…_

Levi’s eyes narrowed, his feet planted.

_Levi…_

He saw Kenny’s arm pull back, his hand formed into another fist.  

“LEVI!” The fist connected and he spit out blood, pulled from his delirium, as the reality of his surroundings set in.

“That’s enough, Phineas.” Lobov’s deep voice reverberated. “Welcome back, Levi. We’re so glad you could join us.”

Pain. Levi was in a good deal of pain. His shoulder throbbed and he couldn’t move his right arm. His right eye was swollen closed and he was sure that bruises would soon begin to color nearly every inch of his torso. As he did his best to access his surroundings, a few things became clear.

He was in a seated position, his arms fastened behind his back, impeding his movement and rendering him otherwise useless. He was still in the flat, still enshrouded in darkness, though a few solitary candles were sprinkled around the room, giving enough light to see but not enough to see _clearly_. Nicholas Lobov stood in front of him, his huge frame blocking out the light behind him.

To Lobov’s left, stood Yan, leaning against the wall, not looking at Levi, not looking at Lobov. The expression on Yan’s face was unreadable. Levi burned with hate seeing him standing there, the traitorous bastard.

To Lobov’s right, Levi was surprised to see the slim, bird-like MP from the stairwell. _Phineas,_ Lobov had called him. Phineas, Lobov’s fucking attack dog. Phineas’s hands twitched at his sides, his eyes hungry as he watched Levi. Levi couldn’t wait to kill him.

Levi couldn’t help himself. “Good dog, Phineas.”

Phineas shot forward from where he stood and grabbed a fistful of Levi’s hair at the scalp. “Say something else, fucker. Try it - ”

“I said _enough.”_ Lobov’s voice was firm. “Patience is a virtue, Phineas. You’ve waited this long, haven’t you?” He reached out his hand and took a gentle hold of Phineas’s arm, pulling him back. The MP threw Levi’s head back, forcefully releasing him before whipping back around and spitting directly in his face.

Levi’s skin crawled, rage surging through him. He struggled with his bindings and then gasped in pain, his shoulder burning, raging, screaming.

Lobov gave Phineas an admonishing look before bending down and meeting Levi at eye level. He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and used it to clean the spittle from Levi’s face. Levi glared in defiance, not once mistaking his actions for compassion. “That was quite _unkind_ of Phineas…we all know how you hate to get yourself dirty.” He glanced back at Phineas. “A chair, Phineas.”

The squealing of the chair as Phineas pulled it across the floor rang in Levi’s ears. When it was placed behind Lobov, he sat, pulled it directly across from Levi so they were face to face. His face was folds of fat hidden behind a huge brown mustache, piercing green eyes peering out, scrutinizing Levi’s every detail, taking him in.  

“We had a deal, Levi. I gave you a directive and you assured me it would be carried out. I must say, I’m very disappointed.” His voice was calm but danger flashed in those green eyes. He crossed his arms over his expansive chest, gave Levi a falsely inquisitive look. “Tell me, Levi. How did it come to be that Erwin Smith is still alive?”

Levi remained silent, studying his captor. Lobov leaned in, grazed the side of Levi’s face with the palm of his hand. “Was Smith too much for you?” His voice was hardly more than a whisper. “He’s quite the charmer, that one, isn’t he? Did he charm you too, my little snake?”

Levi snapped at Lobov’s hand with his teeth, barely missing as Lobov pulled away. Lobov chortled. “Ahh I love the spark! It’s still there despite your friends being torn apart in front of your very eyes. I’ll admit, I expected a shell of the man I’d hired but here you sit! Tell me, Levi, did you come here to avenge your friends? Protect sweet innocent Yan?” His laughter grated on Levi. He gnashed his teeth and pulled at his bindings.  

“You shut your mouth, you fat pig.” He spat, addressing Lobov directly for the first time.

“Ohhh so he _does_ speak!” Lobov’s smile was stretched across his swine-like face. “So _speak_ then, Levi. Tell me why you would be so stupid as to come all the way back here, walk directly into this trap we so delicately laid for you. Does the rat think himself capable of honor?”

Levi looked away, refusing to answer, refusing to meet Lobov’s eyes. In a fit of rage, Lobov sprang from his chair and the floor shook at the crashing weight of his feet hitting the floor. With his thick hands, he forced Levi to face him, their eyes locked in. “How does it feel to know that the man responsible for Isabel and Furlan’s deaths is within arm’s reach and yet just out of your grasp?”

Levi’s eyes narrowed, rage burning through his veins.

“That’s right,” Lobov spat. “ _I_ ensured their demise. Do you think Squad Leader Smith and his pathetic Commander Shadis would be surprised to know Nicholas Lobov has infiltrated the Survey Corps? You didn’t honestly think you and your little friends were my only line of defense, did you?”

“What are you talking about?” Levi’s voice was venom.

“My men. They fired the flares that led your little friends into that titan pit…” He paused and Levi trembled in indignation. “They needed to die, Levi. They were only weighing you down, holding you back. I had hoped that their deaths would have unleashed your rage…directed it at Smith…unfortunate you got soft…”

“You fucking son of a bitch!” Levi fought through the pain, his shoulder screaming in response. “I’m going to fucking kill you!”

Lobov smirked. “I think that highly unlikely.” He put his hand on Levi’s injured shoulder and squeezed. Levi’s world spun. He gritted his teeth to stop himself from crying out in agony. He wouldn’t let Lobov get that reaction from him.

Yan let out a quiet whimper where he stood. Lobov turned, released his grip on Levi. Levi noticed the blood on Lobov’s hand as the larger man wiped his hand on his kerchief. “Have something to say, Yan?”

Yan shook his head, looked at the ground, wouldn’t meet Lobov’s eyes. Lobov strolled over to him, his immense weight causing the floors to creak and groan beneath him. Once beside Yan, Lobov threw an arm around his shoulder and clapped him on the back. “Ahh Yan, one of my most skilled actors yet.”

Yan shuddered under Lobov’s grasp. Lobov continued, addressing Levi. “I had thought winning your compliance would have been a little more of a challenge. But innocent little Yan, defenseless little Yan…he proved such a valuable asset…what with you still being in mourning…weak-minded from your grief. And you played right into our hand. You’ve now set us up for success in our next directive - A perfect game of entrapment for our dear friend Erwin Smith.”

“You stupid shit, Smith’s too smart to fall for your ploy. He’ll see right through it.” Levi scoffed.

“Ohh so he did ensnare you with his clever words then?” Lobov shoved Yan aside and moved closer to Levi. The pacing was making Levi sick.

“I should have known…someone like you…your circumstances being what they were…your mother being what she was…you’d sell yourself to anyone able to fill your head with pretty words, lofty ideals…”

“Fuck you!” Levi cursed, the force of his anger causing his ears to ring.

Lobov shook his head. “I should have known you would betray me for Smith…but the truth is, Levi, Nicholas Lobov is not someone who takes betrayal lightly.”

“Then fucking kill me and get it over with,” Levi growled. “I’m sick of your one-sided monologue. Or was your plan to bore me to death?” 

Lobov laughed, threw his head back, belly bouncing. “Kill you? Oh Levi…we won’t be killing you today.”

Phineas stirred where he stood, snarled out, “Lobov, you promised me!”

Lobov raised his hands to steady Phineas. “And I intend to keep my promise, Phineas. We won’t be killing Levi _today_. We need to keep him alive long enough to lure Smith here, let him watch his prized pet from the underground be killed in front of him.”

“I’ve waited years for this!” Phineas roared.

“Then a few days should not cause you any more strife.” Lobov placated Phineas. “Besides…all I ask is that Levi remain _alive_. I didn’t say anything about the state of life in which he should remain.”

Phineas’s lips curled into a sneer. He crossed his arms over his chest and slunk back into the darkness, lying in wait. Lobov withdrew a small gold pocket watch from the pocket of the vest he was wearing. “Ahh look at what time it is…I have some items to which I need to attend…items pertaining to the demise of Erwin Smith…Don’t worry Levi, our dear handsome Squad Leader will join you in your imprisonment all too soon.”

He nodded at Phineas, “I leave our prisoner in your capable hands, Phin. Remember, I need him _breathing_ tomorrow morning, if nothing else.”

As Lobov turned to go, Yan did as well, not once looking back at Levi. His shoulders were sloped, his hair disheveled. He was a shrunken shell of a man. _Traitorous piece of shit,_ Levi thought as Yan’s pathetic frame disappeared out the front door. Then, he was left alone with Phineas.

The lanky MP was silent at first, seemingly savoring the moment, watching Levi, breathing heavily.

“Do you recognize me, Levi? Is my face familiar to you?” He leaned in, pulled his dark hair back from those beady black eyes. “Do you remember what you did?” Without warning, he again grabbed Levi by the scalp, forced Levi’s face to stare into his own. “Do you fucking remember what you did?”

Suddenly, Levi did remember. That face – though it had been so long ago.

That night came back to him so clearly. The night Isabel had come home broken, bleeding, beaten within an inch of her life. She had stumbled in the door, her pretty little face nearly bruised beyond recognition. She could barely form the words to describe what had happened to her. But Levi had been able to discern her attack, her rape, her abandonment. It was no secret that life in the underground was dangerous. But it had been Levi’s job to protect her and he had failed. Incensed, he had sought out her attacker. He had killed him, slit his throat, let him drown in his own blood.

He remembered that face. He had killed that man years before. Yet here he stood. Then Levi realized.

“Your brother…”

“My _twin_.” Phineas stared down at Levi, his eyes filled with hate. “You killed him in cold blood. You fucking piece of shit. He loved that girl. He would have done anything for her. And you couldn’t take it – couldn’t allow anyone else to steal your little underground princess away from you.”

“He fucking raped her! He almost killed her! Your fucking brother was a piece of underground trash. And I would kill him again if I could – “

Phineas’s hand connected with Levi’s face, open-palm. The slap resonated through the small flat.

“You shut your filthy mouth. I won’t let you disgrace his memory. Anything he did to her, she would have _deserved_.”

Levi’s head was reeling. The loss of blood was affecting him. He wanted to hurt this man for his words but he could barely move, barely think. It was becoming harder and harder to focus.

“When I get out of here…” he growled and Phineas laughed.

“You’ll what? I’d like to see it!” He pulled a knife from his pocket, unsheathed it and put it up against Levi’s neck. “What do you think you’ll be able to do in this state? Let’s find out, shall we?” He reached behind and cut the ties that bound Levi.

Levi sprang on him. Phineas cursed, fell back. Levi pulled his fist back, prepared to strike and cried out unwillingly as the pain shot from his shoulder to his entire body. The force of his movements made him dizzy. He staggered back, lightheaded. Doing his best to steady himself, Levi’s arms found Phineas’s neck, squeezed. A sharp pain in his side told him that Phineas’s knife had embedded in his flesh. The knife turned, taking Levi’s breath away. His right arm gave out on its grip on Phineas’s neck. A forceful kick to his torso found Levi falling back, head slamming on the hard wood floor. Phineas’s steel-toed boot again slammed into Levi’s body. Raged flooded Levi’s every thought. This was the first time in his living memory that he could remember his body failing him. He wanted to tear through Phineas, destroy him, make him hurt, but the blood loss, the exhaustion, the grief…he was a shell of his former self.

He closed his eyes, accepting his fate. He was tired…so tired. He felt Phineas’s hasty hands force him to his stomach, felt the ties once again bind both his hands behind his back. He could feel Phineas’s hot breath on his neck. “How does it feel? How does it fucking feel to know you’re about to die? Do you feel like my brother did before you fucking slit his throat?”

Phineas forced Levi to his feet. Levi stumbled on his own legs. He was so weak. The pain was starting to fade to a dull throbbing. He was beginning to feel numb. He was aware of Phineas throwing his body over the kitchen table he had once shared with Isabel and Furlan, aware of Phineas fumbling with the ties of his trousers, undoing the belt, allowing it to fall to the floor.

“Imagine this, Levi, the great criminal of the underground, getting fucked by an MP!” He gripped a fistful of Levi’s hair in his hand, whispered in his ear, “Just imagine I’m Erwin Smith. You might even like it – “

And then the front door slammed open. Levi heard Phineas roar, “What the fuck are you doing here, you scrawny piece of shit?”

The gun shot that rang out deafened Levi. In that moment, he couldn’t recognize what had happened, who had been shot. It wasn’t until Phineas’s lifeless body fell on top of him, blood pooling around him on the table that Levi knew – Phineas was dead. Levi’s breath caught in his throat. The relief overwhelmed him, his eyes began losing focus.

Yan. Yan forcing Phinea’s lifeless body off the table, away from Levi. Yan, gathering Levi in his arms. Yan apologizing, stroking Levi’s hair, throwing Levi’s uninjured arm over his shoulder. Yan compelling Levi to walk, getting him out the door.

He could barely register Yan’s words, barely hear his voice. “Levi, stay with me. Levi…I’m so sorry. I was wrong…I don’t care what they’ll do to me…Levi, stay with me!”

They struggled down an empty alleyway. Levi was aware of the fact that Yan was doing the majority of the work but they were getting further and further away from the apartment.

He struggled to get the words out. “Yan…why?”

Yan’s golden eyes gazed down at him, full of pity, full of shame. “It’s what Furlan would have wanted. Come on, keep moving, Levi. Stay with me.”

Levi heard his own words coming from Yan’s mouth and a small smile pulled at his lips. He collapsed then, legs giving out completely. He crashed to the cobblestones, vision blurred, heartbeat slowing.

His vision was going. He thought he saw Yan, two other faces he recognized…Zacharias…Smith? He couldn’t make out any details…but those piercing blue eyes, determined, set. He must have been imagining him…why would he imagine Erwin Smith at a time like this? He realized then that it didn’t matter and allowed himself to give in to the delusion.  Hearing Smith’s calming voice gave him comfort in an way he couldn’t have expected.

“Hold on, Levi.”

He allowed himself to drift away into the blackness.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I put you all through a lot this chapter. I hope it was an intense ride that paid off towards the end - bringing these two back together. 
> 
> Please let me know what you thought. Like I said, excited and nervous.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His body needed rest like it needed oxygen. He breathed in the sleep like air – inhaled it, exhaled it, was consumed by it. As he slept, he dreamed of Erwin Smith, could hear his voice, deep, concerned. Levi was alive. He was safe. For the first time in his life, Levi allowed himself to truly feel safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, friends. The reaction to Chapter 5 was something I could not have expected. Thank you so so much. I love writing this story so much. Thanks for coming along on the Eruri journey with me :)
> 
> The gang's all back together now. 
> 
> Chapter song is Sanctuary by Wealthy West. If you haven't listened to it, doooo it. It's seriously so good.

Blue eyes peered into his soul.

_I hope you will stay, Levi._

_I wanted you to have something of theirs – something that proves they lived._

_Hold on, Levi._

His body needed rest like it needed oxygen. He breathed in the sleep like air – inhaled it, exhaled it, was consumed by it. As he slept, he dreamed of Erwin Smith, could hear his voice, deep, concerned. He heard Yan, Zacharias, a few voices he did not recognize. Once, he thought he even heard Shadis. Hange. But he blocked them all out, their words meaningless to him. He was alive. He was safe. For the first time in his life, Levi allowed himself to truly feel _safe_.  

It was dark when he awoke. He seemed to be in some sort of hospital bed. The sheets were white, sterile. And he was no longer in the underground, of that much he was sure. The moonlight shone through an open window to his right. Stars dotted the sky like fireflies.

Seated in a chair just below the window, head in his hands, Erwin Smith dozed. Levi watched the Squad Leader’s chest rise and fall. He wondered how long Erwin had been there, by his bedside. How long he had forgone his own bed for these less than favorable accommodations.

Levi struggled to push himself up and involuntarily cursed in pain. Erwin’s eyes flew open immediately. Before Levi could right himself, Erwin was out of his chair, arms outstretched. “You’re awake.” His eyes were wide, full of concern. Levi awkwardly shifted away but Erwin persisted. “How can I help?” His voice was sincere.

“I’m fine.” Levi didn’t know why he swatted Smith away so brusquely, why he refused his help.

Erwin nodded, chose to sit back down in his chair, pulling it closer to Levi’s side. “I understand…what you’ve been through…”

“What have you been told?” Levi snapped.

Erwin looked away and Levi noticed his hands balling into fists on his lap. I didn’t need to be _told_ , Levi. “Your shoulder…the bruises…what they did became obvious after we began to dress your wounds."

Levi attempted, again unsuccessfully, to rise to a seated position. He felt useless, even foolish, laying down. Erwin twitched, watching him. “Levi, let me help you.”

Levi rolled his eyes but nodded. Erwin stood, slid an arm under his back delicately, his touch so measured, so gentle, it burned into Levi’s skin through the thin white nightshirt in which he had been dressed. He couldn’t meet Smith’s eyes, choosing instead to look at the corner of the bed, studying its curves, the material out of which it was made. As Erwin began to lift, throbbing pain again forced him to cry out. “Shit!”

“Did I hurt you?” The look on Erwin’s face was so imploring, so concerned, his eyes so piercingly blue.

“You didn’t do this to me, Smith.”

As Levi settled into his more up-right position, Erwin seated himself back into his chair. He regarded Levi with such earnestness, Levi again, had to look away.

“Smith…Lobov told me something…concerning…” Erwin leaned forward, a thick eyebrow raised.

Levi continued. “The bastard told me he has spies within the Survey Corps. Spies who are supposedly responsible for Furlan and Isabel’s deaths.” He met Erwin’s eyes, expecting to see surprise. But instead, he was faced with a solemn look of grave intensity. “So that proves it…” Smith was quiet, his eyes ablaze, penetrating. He looked into the distance as if putting pieces together in his mind, solving a puzzle to which Levi was not privy.

“You knew?” Levi’s voice was low.

Erwin met his eyes. “I had my suspicions. Nothing I could have proved without conducting a thorough investigation into the Corps…inciting a full panic and riot. But to hear it from Lobov’s mouth…” His eyes were alight, large. “Now we have proof.”

“Glad I was able to provide _proof_.” Levi growled and Erwin immediately looked ashamed.

“Levi – I…I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant…”

“I know…” Levi dismissed him. “So what now?”

Erwin squared his shoulders where he sat. “Now, finding Lobov and bringing him to justice is our priority.”

Levi snorted. “Does Shadis agree with you?”

Erwin shrugged. “He has to. Lobov openly attacked a member of the Scout Regiment. Levi, I have no doubt Lobov’s intention was to kill you…he’s a dangerous man.”

“That wasn’t his intention, Smith. He wanted to use me as bait to get to _you_.” Erwin’s eyes widened at Levi’s words. “He thought for some reason you would come chasing after me, stage some sort of rescue mission…I told him you wouldn’t possibly be foolish enough to – “

Erwin was smiling and an involuntary flush colored Levi’s cheeks.

“Thank you, Levi, for your faith in me. But I’m afraid…I am _just stupid enough_ to attempt to stage a rescue mission…” The smile faded. “Mike and I were just a little too late I’m afraid…thank the walls Yan was there to stop him…”

Yan. “Is Yan alive?” Levi was well aware of what would have happened should Yan not have intervened. But he wasn’t quite ready to forgive him either. 

“He is. Under the protective custody of the Survey Corps until Lobov is apprehended…” Erwin’s eyes connected meaningfully with Levi’s. “I’m just happy you’re alive, Levi.”

 _Damn it, Smith,_ Levi thought. Erwin’s sincerity, his earnestness, his candor, seemed to have a way to dumbfound Levi, to render him speechless without a sarcastic word at his disposal. It made him self-conscious, set him on edge. But if Levi was honest with himself, he almost _liked_ it, that feeling of being vulnerable yet safe.

“Don’t you have somewhere important to go, Smith?” Levi snapped, feigning annoyance.

“I’m afraid not…” Erwin leaned back in his chair, settled himself in, crossing one long leg over the other. “Sorry to disappoint you but you may just be stuck with me.”

Levi huffed, though he was glad to have the company as he dozed back off into a quiet, dreamless slumber.

 

* * *

 

When next he awoke, he found he was alone in his room, though he could hear muffled voices in the hallway just outside. He recognized Erwin’s low, moderate tone. Mike’s questioning, impatient voice.

“Now what, Erwin? Now you abandon your squad again? Now that your pet is back?”

“Mike…he is a part of my squad now. I can’t leave him here – “

“It’s a hospital, Erwin. They will take care of him. What will you being here do? You’re not a doctor!”

“You’re right. But I think my presence here is helping him – “

“Helping him, what? Heal? Helping him cope? Helping him, _what_ , Erwin?”

“Yes, both. Helping him _acclimate_. Levi didn’t try to abandon the Corps, Mike. He was doing what he thought was right.”

“So now that you’ve confirmed the criminal has a conscience, you’re willing to forsake all reason, forsake your duty as a Squad Leader to ensure he can _acclimate – “_

Now Erwin’s voice was strong, firm. “Mike, I appreciate all your assistance in this process. But as your commanding officer, I order you to stand down and let me handle this _my_ way. I leave Squad Smith in your capable hands until I am able to return.”

Mike’s voice was hard in response. “Yes sir.”

Levi heard footsteps trail away before Mike’s voice, “I hope you know what you’re doing Smith.”

And then Erwin, almost too quiet to hear, “Me too.”

 

* * *

 

 

One of the worst aspects of being confined to a bed, in too much pain to make a stealthy retreat, was his inability to get away from _her_.

Squad Leader Hange had insisted on being present when the doctor had re-bandaged his shoulder and every time a wound was re-dressed, seemingly enthralled with his ability to heal so rapidly.

As the doctor unwound the dressing on his shoulder, Hange gasped, leaned in closer. “The bullet…your body has pushed it back out the entrance wound...like it’s rejecting it… How is that _possible_?” She squirmed with glee. “ _What are you_?!?”

Levi rolled his eyes. He had always been able to heal quickly – quicker than most. It had come in quite handy growing up in the underground.

The doctor had nodded in agreement. Pushed his glasses higher up on the bridge of his bulbous nose, looked baffled in a way Levi had assumed doctors weren’t supposed to look. “These wounds should have killed you, Levi. The amount of blood loss alone…that you’re still with us is nothing short of a miracle.”

Levi didn’t believe in miracles. He never had – he wasn’t going to start now.

The collection of wounds he had sustained consisted of three broken ribs, a concussion and an obviously fractured shoulder. The bruises that spread across his stomach and chest had turned a sickening array of green and purple.

It surprised Levi that Erwin seemed unable to watch when the doctors inspected his wounds. He had assumed that given his chosen lifestyle, the Squad Leader would have seen worse. And yet every time Smith turned his eyes on Levi’s bruised face, he seemed to be in pain himself somehow.

After a week of lying in bed, being less than useless, Levi’s restlessness provoked him to action. It had taken Smith, the attending doctor and two nurses to restrain him, to force him back into the bed after he had begun pulling out the IV’s attached to his arms and attempting to leave in a fit of bored rage.

“This is ridiculous!” he had bellowed. “I’m of no use to anyone lying here on my ass!”

Erwin had had a hard time hiding the smile that threatened to break through his serious expression. “Levi, it’s been a week! You need more time to heal.”

He had spun on Erwin, his eyes narrowed. “How do you know what I need?” His voice had been harsher than he had intended it to be and Erwin had nodded in response. “You’re right…I don’t know what you need…but anyone else, in your condition, would need more time…”

Levi had sighed then, crossed his arms where he sat. His shoulder barely caused him pain any longer and the wound on his stomach, caused by Phineas’s blade, had resolved itself to a scar he would carry with him forever. “I’m not _anyone else_ , Smith. And I don’t need more time.”

Smith leaned in, extended an arm. “May I see?”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. But he acquiesced. Pulled the gown down to reveal the bandages covering his shoulder. They were clean. The bleeding had stopped. Erwin stirred, bent over Levi, picked at the adhesive holding the bandage in place. Levi watched his face as he pulled it back, inspected the wound, only a week fresh, now almost entirely healed.

Erwin’s brow furrowed. He ran a hand over Levi’s shoulder and Levi forced himself to hold in the gasp that nearly escaped his lips. Erwin’s finger traced his collar bone, raising goosebumps in its wake on Levi’s skin. Levi’s heart was beating so rapidly, he almost had to hold his breath to steady himself.

And just like that, Erwin withdrew. Levi thought he noticed the Squad Leader’s breathing hitch as he pulled away. “I…can’t believe it…it’s almost completely healed…” The quizzical expression on his face brought Levi back to reality. Perhaps he hadn’t noticed Levi’s goosebumps, his quickened breathing, the flush on his cheeks.

Levi nodded, pulling the gown back over his shoulder, not meeting Erwin’s eyes.

“Can you move it? Your arm?”

Again, Levi nodded. He picked up his right arm, held his hand out to Erwin and to his surprise, Erwin took it, intertwined his fingers with Levi’s. The Squad Leader smiled, gave Levi’s hand a comforting squeeze.

“Let’s get you out of here then, shall we?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...Ackerpowers. In the Manga (spoiler warning) they mentioned that the Ackermans were byproducts of titan research...that hasn't been explained yet BUT I imagine that this may have impacted Levi's ability to heal quicker than most and sustain more serious injuries. 
> 
> I'm sorry if this slow burn is burning a little too slow for anyone. We are getting there - I just don't imagine that any of this would come naturally to Levi. We've got a little while left before we get into any real tangible relationship territory but I hope the tension and flirtations are at least tiding you over :)
> 
> Thanks again for reading! Let me know what you think!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin’s Squad. Stella, Gris, Mike.   
> They stared at him. He knew what he must look like to them – a thug from the underground, colored black and blue, a dangerous glint in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Song - The Anchor by Bastille. I'm biased...but I think it's really good :)

Erwin’s Squad. Stella, Gris, Mike.

They stared at him. He knew what he must look like to them – a thug from the underground, colored black and blue, a dangerous glint in his eyes. Erwin stood beside him, never flinching, never moving away as they eyed him nervously.

Stella was pretty – slim-built with long curly red hair. Her eyes were big, green. She reminded Levi of Isabel in a way, the same vivacity, the same tireless enthusiasm.  She smiled shyly at him.

Gris, on the other hand, seemed less than friendly. He stood in front of Stella, perhaps shielding her from Levi’s menacing glare. His shoulders were wider-set than Levi’s – he was a larger man overall. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and nodded solemnly at Levi rather than extending a welcoming hand. That was fine with Levi, already uncomfortable with introductions.

Mike was the least welcoming of all, though that was to be expected. A part of the reconnaissance mission to retrieve Levi and his friends from the underground, Mike had assisted in his capture. He had been to the underground, knew who Levi was before he had joined the Corps. His eyes were filled with contempt and distrust.  

“Levi, you’ll stay here now, with my squad,” Erwin indicated a pod of several bunks.

“You can have the bunk under me!” Stella said cheerily and Gris glared at her.

“I thought we decided I would be taking that bunk and Levi would get the bunk under Mike,” he snapped and Stella shrugged.

“Doesn’t matter to me! Whatever works best for Levi!” She smiled and took Levi under her arm. He wanted to pull away but despite himself, her cheerfulness got the better of him. He allowed himself to be spirited away.

For the next few days, Levi spent more of his time with the members of Erwin’s squad than he did alone. During their training exercises, he would often partner with Mike, if only to take whatever pleasure he could in knocking the bigger man on his ass. When they took their meals, Stella would call out to Levi, wave him over, and though Levi preferred eating alone, from time to time, he would choose to eat with his squad, if only to be closer to her. Stella’s presence calmed him, grounded him.

Despite himself, he couldn’t help but notice Erwin’s absence. Since they had returned from the hospital, since that touch that had set his skin on fire, Levi had seen little of Smith. They trained without him, ate without him. There were days when Levi would turn in for the night without once having seen his face.

He struggled to shake the feelings that had developed in him since that day…perhaps even before that. He still was not sure if he trusted Smith fully. But there was something about him, something soothing, something _different_ …something Levi wasn’t fully comfortable with or used to. It was something he wanted more of.  So, seeing less of Smith was disconcerting.

When the news of their next expedition was announced, Levi found some focus, some purpose. He began training harder, testing his body’s limits. His shoulder still pained him, but it was a dull, numb pain, a pain with which he could live. When he flew through the air, his gear hissing behind him, he barely felt that pain at all.

Finally, after about two weeks without any substantial interaction with Erwin, the Squad Leader summoned the four members of his squad to his office. Most likely for a mission debriefing. Stella was excited – she had jumped onto Gris’s shoulders, joyful, enthusiastic.

“It’s about time we had a debrief for the mission! I’m ready to get back out there and teach those titans a lesson!”

Gris had thrown an arm around her, kissed the top of her head. Her enthusiasm was infectious. The air was rife with anticipation as they approached the Squad Leader’s office. Levi, though, for whatever reason, couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that had settled in the pit of his stomach.

Mike led the group, knocked on Erwin’s door when they arrived.

“Come in,” Erwin’s voice echoed. Mike turned the knob and ushered them all inside. Within, Erwin was seated at his desk, bent over some what appeared to be mission details – maps, plans, sketches. When they entered, Erwin stood, smiled at them all in turn. Levi entered last. Erwin’s eyes lingered on his just a moment too long. He turned away.

“It’s good to see you all,” he said, rounding to the other side of his desk, sat on the edge of it, facing them. “I know I’ve been…absent...these last few days and for that I apologize. Urgent matters required my attention but they have since been resolved…for now.” He grinned at them. _Charming as ever_ , Levi thought and rolled his eyes.

“That being said, and being that we depart in three days’ time, I thought it pertinent we discuss the plans for our upcoming mission.” He ushered them over, around the desk, where he pulled up meticulously hand-drawn plans, detailing the operation. He gestured to the already assigned Survey Corps bases, indicated by small red tents, sporadically yet strategically placed within the borders of one particularly dense titan forest. “This mission will be our most audacious yet,” Smith said. His finger traced a line upwards, further out than any of the other encampments, at least several kilometers deeper within the forest, by Levi’s measurements. “We’re to establish a base here, pushing our lines of advancement further outwards, deeper into that forest than ever before.”

Levi felt his heart race. This mission seemed frivolous to him. He searched Erwin’s face for any indication that he felt similarly but the Squad Leader would not meet his eyes.

He continued to explain the formation, clarifying their Squad’s role in tireless detail, how they would be fringed by both Squad Hange and Squad Nanaba on each side until they reached the clearing of the forest, when the other squads would veer off around it. Their squad would enter the forest alone to establish the base, thus being the first squad to set up camp in the newly reached territory. Levi tuned in and out. He knew how to ride a horse, how to swing his blades, how to take down titans. What else mattered?

When Erwin finished, an uneasy silence had settled in the room. It occurred to Levi that Smith seemed to be distracted, somewhere else entirely. He dismissed them after a few moments, apologizing again for his absence, thanking them for joining him. The brusque manner in which he spoke to them all seemed so unlike the Erwin Smith Levi had come to know.

They all began to file out, Levi at the rear. Before he had the chance to step through the threshold into the hallway, Erwin called out to him. “Levi, hold back a moment.”

He glanced behind and saw Mike glare at Erwin before storming away. As he passed Levi, their shoulders connected and Mike’s glower settled on him. “Watch yourself, _thug_.” It was a warning, Levi knew. He ignored it, making a point to beat the shit out of the larger man on the training field the following morning.  

Then he was alone with Erwin. The first time he had been since the hospital. His blood ran hot and he felt irritated with himself for allowing whatever feelings he was now experiencing to get the better of him.

Erwin spoke first. “How are you feeling?”

“You command me to stay so you can ask me how I’m _feeling_?” Levi chided, an eyebrow raised. He crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame, the distance from Smith making him feel safer, less exposed.

Erwin’s smile remained. “You seem to be healing well – I’ve watched you train the past few days. You seem to have no trouble knocking Mike around…” he laughed to himself. “I’m sure he’s been _enjoying_ that…”

“You’ve been watching me, then?” Levi attempted to keep his tone level.

“Of course. It’s the duty of a Squad Leader to watch out for each individual member of his or her squad. You being a part of my squad now, I found it pertinent to observe your techniques, ensure they were up to par for an impending expedition…”

Levi nodded. _Of course._ _Always an excuse._  

“That being said, if you don’t think yourself capable of an expedition this soon into your recovery, I would understand if you need to stay back – “

“Fuck that,” Levi snapped. “I’m fine.”

Erwin smirked. “I thought you might say that. I’m glad you feel that way. I’m afraid I wasn’t forthcoming during our debrief…This mission’s objective is much more than expansion…”

“Information you decided to keep from the rest of your squad…why?”

“The true objective of our upcoming expedition is to smoke out Lobov’s spies and bring them to justice.”

Levi’s eyes widened. “You don’t trust Stella…Gris…Mike?”

Erwin gestured for Levi to come closer. He hunched over his desk, pulled out plans covered by hastily drawn marks, circles, X’s. As Levi approached, he made out the campaign that detailed his first mission, the mission during which he had lost Isabel and Furlan.

“I’ve reviewed these plans nearly every day since we returned,” Erwin said solemnly. “The squad closest to Flagon’s at the time of the attack…was mine.”

Levi’s eyes flickered to Erwin’s face. A pained expression was painted on those high cheekbones, colored those blue eyes a darker shade. As he continued, Levi could tell the words he spoke wounded him to say aloud. “The rain would have obscured our vision, made it possible for any of the members of my squad to disappear, send out that erroneous flare and then return without drawing any attention. It had to have been one of them…”

“Surely you can’t think Mike…”

Erwin shook his head. “Mike is aware of our plan…”

Levi’s breath hitched. “So, you think either Stella or Gris…”

Erwin’s eyes met his own, stopped his heart. “I can only hope I’m wrong.”

That night, after Levi returned to the barracks, Stella had plopped down on the bunk beside him, smiled at him, nudged him. “So…what did Erwin want?”

Levi couldn’t’ meet her eyes, those emerald eyes that reminded him so much of Isabel’s. “He wanted to make sure I’m fit for the expedition.”

Stella laughed. “ _Of course_ , he did. You’re his favorite, after all.”

Levi rolled his eyes, made to pull away but Stella stopped him with a question he wasn’t expecting. “Levi…are you ok?”

He turned back to her, studied her face. “I’m fine…”

“It’s just that…This will be your first mission without…without your friends…I’m sorry…I don’t mean to open up old wounds but...I just wanted to say…we’ll look out for you, Levi. We look out for each other.” Her expression was so earnest, he had to look away. The thought that this woman, so kind, so full of sincerity, could be responsible for the deaths of the two people whom he had loved more than anything else in the world, tore him apart. He couldn’t face her.

He stood, turned his back on her and strode into the night, leaving the barracks and a puzzled Stella behind.

The days that followed leading up to the expedition, Levi made a point to avoid Smith’s squad. He trained on his own, choosing to run and practice his maneuvering rather than sparring. During mealtimes, he ignored Stella’s imploring invitations. He had never felt more alone, more hollow, and he hated that he allowed himself the luxury of self-pity. He just couldn’t face them. Not until their innocence was either confirmed or negated.

Three days passed by at an agonizingly slow pace but pass they did. The morning of the expedition, Levi arose with the sun. Stomach in knots, he refrained from eating, only made himself a hot cup of tea from the mess hall before heading out to the armory to check on his supplies.

Erwin had beaten him there. He looked up as Levi approached.

“Good morning,” he said evenly. Levi’s mouth was dry. He nodded in response.

“Didn’t sleep much?” Erwin questioned him.

“Never do,” Levi responded gruffly.

Erwin chuckled. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You heal at an inhuman rate from wounds that would have killed any normal man, you barely sleep, live off of tea alone and still manage to knock our strongest soldiers off their feet. Hange wasn’t wrong to ask it, _what are you, Levi?”_ Levi could tell he was joking, trying to cut through the tenseness that hung in the air. But he scowled in response nonetheless.

“Tsk…” he hissed. He dutifully turned his attention to checking the gas in his stores, sharpening his blades, aware of Erwin watching him. Finally, those eyes boring into him became too much to bear and he spun on the Squad Leader, a look of annoyance coloring his expression.

“What, Smith?”

Erwin jumped, averted his eyes, looked down at the cannister in his own hands. “Nothing…it’s just…”

“Spit it out,” Levi snapped.

Erwin beamed at him. “I had almost forgotten what your face looked like under all those bruises. Forgive me, I shouldn’t stare.”

Levi flushed. “No, you shouldn’t.”

Erwin paused. “I noticed you avoided interaction with the squad following our conversation.”

“Goddammit Smith…don’t you have something better to do than constantly watch me?”

“I can’t imagine the burden I placed on you, Levi. For that, I apologize. But one way or the other, today, we learn the truth. We’ll be one step closer to bringing Lobov to justice.”

Levi began buckling himself into his gear, unsure how to respond. Erwin remained motionless where he sat. When next he spoke, his words were measured, pained.

“I…I can’t stop thinking about how I found you, Levi.” His voice was quiet. “I thought…I thought you would die in front of my eyes. Thought I had been too late. If I hadn’t wasted time doubting your intentions, I might have gotten there sooner…might have been able to spare you some of that torture…For that, I hate myself.”

Levi’s hands paused on the belt around his waist. Why was Erwin telling him this, why now?

“Smith, what are you – “

Erwin held up a hand to silence him. “I’m sorry for doubting you, Levi. I’m sorry for not getting there sooner. I won’t fail you again.”

“You didn’t – “

His words were interrupted as a group of solemn-faced scouts entered the armory, moved to check their gear. They spent the rest of their preparations in silence. But Levi couldn’t help replaying Erwin’s words in his head.

_I won’t fail you again._

As he took his place in the formation, atop his horse, those same words repeated over and over. As the gates opened, and Levi’s heart raced inside his chest, Erwin looked back. Their eyes connected. For one solitary instant, Levi was pulled from his apprehensive state. He sank into that stare, into the sea of blue in his eyes. _I won’t fail you again._

Shadis led the charge and they flew through the gate, leaving those words, that moment, behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My biggest concern with this chapter is that the expedition de-brief became garbled. I wanted to attach a formation layout that I created but I was having some trouble uploading it due to the format. 
> 
> Let me know what you think! We have another Erwin chapter coming up next! Hoping that these last few chapters have been entertaining so would love to know your thoughts!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a blessing that day, that outside the walls, there was not a cloud in the sky. Erwin was so ready to rid himself of the burden of uncertainty. As his squad fell into formation, he prepared himself for what awaited – a new expanse of the world outside of the walls, a revelation for which he would have to steel himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erwin Chapter! I can't believe we're already on Chapter 8! 
> 
> Thanks again to everyone who commented, left kudos, gave support! I'm glad you're liking my story! And I'm glad to connect with people who love SNK and these two characters like I do!
> 
> Chapter song is War by Poets of the Fall. Holy crap, friends. I forgot how good this song is. And how poignant for this chapter in particular. 
> 
> This chapter, like Chapter 5, will have some graphic depictions of violence. Just wanted to make sure you are aware. It is an expedition, after all...

The guilt that racked Erwin made it nearly impossible to look Levi in the eyes. He had spent the last few days avoiding contact with him for fear the guilt would break him, that he would confess something which he had no business confessing.

Hence the morning of the expedition. Levi’s presence was so intoxicating. That mixed with the anxiety with which he always dealt pre-expedition, had caused him to say something senseless, something ill-advised. Yet, he couldn’t regret it for all the truth it held.

 _I’m sorry for doubting you, Levi. I’m sorry for not getting there sooner. I won’t fail you again._ He heard his own voice in his head. Saw Levi’s cold gray eyes widen, soften.

The truth was that the concoction of emotions that flowed through Erwin lately had made him feel unreliable, incompetent. He had become obsessed with Lobov and the spies who had supposedly infiltrated the Corps on his behalf.  He wanted to do more than bring Lobov to justice. He wanted to _destroy_ him.

Seeing Levi’s broken body collapse at his feet had shattered something inside of him. This man he had thought to be nearly invincible...Erwin had had to watch him nearly succumb to his own demise. It had ruined him, killed the man he had once thought himself to be. In that man’s place had developed a furious hunger, a manic purpose.

The thought that Stella and Gris, _his Stella and Gris_ , could be disloyal chilled him to the core, rattled him, set him on edge. Made him afraid to maintain that connection for fear he would be blinded by that love he had felt for them.

The truth was the only thing keeping him moving forward. That and the thought of getting revenge for what had happened to Levi. His repentance for failing him so severely.

It was a blessing that day, that outside the walls, there was not a cloud in the sky. Erwin was so ready to rid himself of the burden of uncertainty. As his squad fell into formation in between Nanaba’s squad and Hange’s squad, he prepared himself for what awaited – a new expanse of the world outside of the walls, a revelation for which he would have to steel himself.

The first titan they encountered was a 10 meter. It’s ugly, stretched mouth was pulled open unnaturally far as it plunged down nearly on top of the front line. Red flares shot through the air. Erwin’s squad rounded to the right narrowly avoiding it, changing directions, firing the respective flare.

His heart raced in his chest.  Their movement was staggered now, moving away from their destination. He dispatched Mike to convene with Hange, to get them back on track. A green flare indicated that she had received the message. They righted themselves as Mike fell back in beside Levi.

They were steadily advancing towards the opening of the forest, making good time. The weather was so favorable, Erwin couldn’t believe their luck. Perhaps this would be easier than he had initially thought.

His plan was so simple – he would get the traitors to reveal themselves…by using himself as bait. He remembered having explained it to Levi, the disbelief in the smaller man’s eyes.

“Their goal will be to get me alone…to kill me. We’re going to make that goal easily attainable.”

“What are you talking about?” Levi had looked at him like he was a madman. Maybe he was.

He had shown Levi the diagram he had hastily drawn, detailing his plan. Squad Nanaba would be to their left, Squad Hange to their right. When approaching the forest opening, Squad Nanaba would flank to the left of the forest, going around. Squad Hange would do the same on the right, leaving only Squad Smith to enter the clearing.

“When we’re alone…that’s when they will make their move. When all our reinforcements are cleared out and it’s just the five of us. They’ll come for me.”

Levi’s expression was one he hadn’t seen him wear before. Quizzical, puzzled, _worried_. “Why the hell would you put yourself in that situation, Smith? Do you have a death wish?”

“Nonsense,” he had replied. “I’ll have you watching out for me, won’t I? What could possibly go wrong?”

Erwin snapped himself out of the memory. He needed to focus. They were in place – reaching the edge of the clearing. Squad Hange was in position, as was Squad Nanaba. All three formations reached the entrance to the forest together. Erwin gripped the reigns of his horse tightly. As the other squads turned sharply to avoid entering, Squad Smith flew into its depths, the canopy of the trees blocking out the clouds.

That’s when he heard it. The reeling of grapple hooks shooting through the air, attaching themselves to nearby trees. The heavy _thunk_ as they dug in. He hadn’t thought the defectors would take action so early into the mission. They were _eager_. _So be it,_ he thought. _Let them come – let them show themselves for what they really are._

“Smith!” Levi’s shout caused him to glance behind him and in that moment, his heart stopped. Flying towards his squad, faces covered, hidden behind their pulled hoods, were two unidentified scouts for whom he had not accounted…All members of his squad were still on horseback, Stella and Gris both looking forward, clinging to their reigns, searching his face in confusion.

“Squad Leader?” Gris called out, his face a mixture of bewilderment and terror. Erwin saw it happen before he could do anything to prevent it.

The hooded scout on the right swung down, landed on Gris’s horse and without hesitation, ran a blade across the soft white skin of his neck. Blood poured out of the wound like water from a fountain and Gris spat up blood, fell from his horse, his body slumping to the ground like a ragdoll.

“Gris!” Stella’s voice was so shrill, so piercing as she leapt from her horse to Gris’s side. Erwin’s heart chilled inside his chest. He had been wrong…so wrong and now Gris was dead…

Levi stirred beside him, didn’t hesitate. Before Erwin could react, Levi was in the air, his gear deployed. He shot towards the figure on the right, deftly cut through the lines holding his enemy in the air. The scout dropped, grabbing onto Levi’s leg as he fell and the two tumbled to the ground in a twisting mix of bodies, blades and blood.

While Erwin’s eyes were locked on Levi, the second hooded figure shot towards him, knocked him off his horse, crashed on top of him, weapon bared. While he struggled with the scout on the ground, he heard Mike bellow atop his horse, leap down, race into the fray.

Erwin was able to subdue his attacker as Mike approached, bringing him to his knees with a forceful kick to the groin and quick moving blades to the throat. Mike threw his arms around the rouge’s chest, locking his body still as Erwin threw back the hood of his robe. His heart stopped upon seeing the face that looked back at him. He could barely get the name out. “Marcelle…” he choked. Dark, almost black hair was tied back from Marcelle’s face, a face Erwin had thought he would never see again. Brown eyes were narrowed, angry, so unfamiliar to Erwin.

Mike’s eyes widened as Erwin called out to Levi. The smaller man gruffly replied back, “I have him.” Erwin knew without having to look who he would see restrained within Levi’s grasp.

Stella was sobbing. “Fitz…Fitz, how could you do that? How could you kill him? You killed Gris. You _killed_ him!” Her hands were covered in blood. She cradled Gris’s body in her lap, hands shaking as she clawed at her face in grief.

But Fitz would not look at her. His smoke colored eyes were for Erwin alone, boring a hole in his chest with their fury.

Erwin’s head spun. Had he not seen these two men, these two former members of his squad, fall behind during the last mission’s titan attack? Had he not heard their ill-fated screams as they disappeared into the mist? Had he not come across the torn remains of their dismembered bodies? He cursed himself for a fool – he hadn’t seen them die. He had doubted the loyalties of those he should have trusted…and now Gris was dead.

Squad Nanaba and Squad Hange had rounded back around, to regroup with Squad Smith at the opening of the clearing. This had been a part of his plan from the beginning but when Erwin saw the looks on the faces of the other Squad Leaders, he knew something else had gone gravely wrong.

Hange nodded resolutely at Erwin as he approached. “I saw that one,” she indicated Fitz, “slip out of the back line of my squad when we broke off…I tried to turn the formation…Erwin…he’s not one of mine. I didn’t even notice…”

Erwin dismissed her gently. “This isn’t your fault, Hange…it’s mine. I misjudged the situation…I was wrong…”

“Is anyone hurt?” Hange asked, her eyes wide behind her goggles.

Erwin nodded gravely. “Gris is dead.”

Rage shot through her normally joyful face. “Let’s take those fuckers into custody.”

As they rounded up the traitorous former Survey Corps members, tethered their hands and bound them to walk behind the horses, Erwin assessed his surroundings. The other squads would soon be joining them within the forest to resume their expansion. And Stella couldn’t be moved. He knew this shock to her, to Mike, to the rest of the scouts, was devastating. Seeing a human kill another human…it wasn’t right. They had become so used to the bloodshed caused by the titans. But _this_ bloodshed was senseless, vulgar, cruel. Humans were the cruelest monsters of all. A lesson they would all have to learn in time. A lesson Levi had learned long ago…

His eyes connected with Levi’s though they were far across the clearing from one another. He searched Levi’s face but couldn’t read his somber expression. In that moment, his heart ached, longed for something he could not describe. He turned away, felt Levi’s eyes on his back.

The push through the forest to their destination was relatively easy. Shadis’s squad joined them, having only sustained minor injuries from their contact with the titan that had attacked the front line. Once they reached the campsite, began to unload supplies and set up the base, Erwin debriefed with the other squad leaders to get a full understanding of what had happened, how Marcelle and Fitz were able to slip into their ranks undetected. Hange and Nanaba’s squads had both experienced similar losses – each Marcelle and Fitz had taken the place of one member from each squad, possibly killing the replaced soldiers in the process. Their lowered hoods and the distraction of the expedition had allowed them to remain overlooked, concealed along the fringes of each squad in turn. They lay in wait, waiting for their time to strike.

 They restrained Marcelle and Fitz, off to the fringes of the camp. From where they sat, the traitors glared out at Erwin. The hatred in their eyes disturbed him. He understood their serving Lobov. Both Marcelle and Fitz had come from a poor town on the edges of Wall Maria. Growing up with nothing, the promise of wealth would have been almost too tempting for them to resist. But what lies could Lobov have fed to them to make them look at him with such disdain, such contempt? What could have driven them to kill Gris, someone they had once loved as a comrade, a friend? Erwin realized in a crushing blow of reality that he may not have ever truly known these men at all.

He was aware, amid his muddled thoughts, of Levi’s presence at his side.

“What a mess…” Levi’s tone was somber though level.

Erwin nodded. “I was wrong, Levi…”

“This wasn’t your fault, Smith.”

“Levi…” It _was_ Erwin’s fault, he knew it, Levi knew it. Shadis knew it. The entire Survey Corps knew it.

“No,” Levi growled, whirled on Erwin. “You don’t have to be some kind of fucking martyr, Smith. _This wasn’t your fault._ We both know who is responsible for this…the same pig responsible for Isabel and Furlan. And I won’t let you whip yourself in front of your subordinates. _You keep your shit together_.”

Erwin glanced down at him, raised an eyebrow, almost smiled. Levi’s lack of decorum was refreshing amid all the hesitant eyes, sympathetic faces. He acquiesced. “Very well then. Thank you, Levi.”

“Tsk…” Levi walked away but Erwin felt warmed by their brief conversation.

He knew he had to find Stella, to comfort her as best he could. Though, what words could he possibly use to comfort her, to ease her pain? He knew there would be nothing he could do to assist her in her grief. No way he could make up for his lack of faith in her, his lack of faith in Gris. The part he had played in her lover’s death.

He heard her scream. His eyes scanned for her – only to see her in Fitz’s grasp, a knife held to her throat. Erwin imagined that in her grief, she had approached him, plead with him, begged him for an explanation. And somehow, Fitz had escaped the ties that had bound him. Erwin cursed. He could only watch as Fitz stabbed the knife into Stella’s throat, threw her body to the ground, and then launched himself in Erwin’s direction, intent to kill blatantly clear.

Levi was a blur.  Before Fitz was able to lay a hand on Erwin, to drive his knife into Erwin’s chest, Levi had broken his wrist, bent it back and wrangled him to the ground, blade unsheathed, up against his throat. Fitz screamed out in pain, twisted under Levi’s grasp but the small soldier held fast, his strength easily overpowering the larger man.

Without taking his eyes off Fitz, Levi growled out, “Are you hurt, Smith?”

Erwin couldn’t control his ragged breathing but he was unharmed. “No…” He managed to pull himself to his feet, his hands trembling. His eyes rested at Stella and his heart broke. He stumbled over to where she lay, head cradled in Mike’s lap, hands raking at the gaping wound to her throat. She was slowly dying, slowly choking on her own blood. Mike tried to comfort her, stroking her hair. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, dropping onto her blood-stained face. The wretched whimpering noises she was making reminded Erwin of an animal dying. After several miserable, heart-wrenching moments, her eyes finally rolled back in her head and her labored breathing slowed, expired. Erwin felt nauseous.

All eyes were on the scene though the clearing was silent. No one breathed. No one moved. No one but Fitz.

“Fuck…you…Smith…” he snarled beneath Levi’s blades. Levi’s hand curled into a fist, hitting Fitz directly in the face. Fitz turned to the side, spat out blood, a tooth, into the grass.

Erwin stood, approached slowly, hesitantly. Fitz’s mouth pulled into a sneer. His teeth were stained red with his own blood, a result of Levi’s fist.  

“It’s so like you to rely on your attack dog rather than face me yourself,” he scoffed.

“You shut your mouth!” Levi’s voice was dangerous. Erwin placed a hand on Levi’s shoulder, knelt beside him so he was just near enough to Fitz to look him in the eyes. “Fitz…why?  Stella? Gris? You loved them. They were your squad mates, your friends.”

“Don’t you get it, Smith?” Fitz’s voice was manic, frenzied. “This is about so much more than killing you…are you in _pain_ , Smith? How did it feel to have her die in your arms?”

 “Bastard!” Levi’s blade cut into the skin of Fitz’s neck, drawing blood.

“Levi.” Erwin steadied him, and Levi pulled back slightly though his eyes were filled with fury. Erwin thought he saw Levi’s hands shake, if ever so slightly.

Fitz thrashed under Levi. “Lobov hopes you enjoyed the little gifts he sent for you.” And with those words, he lifted his neck, forced it into Levi’s blades and forcefully ripped his own flesh along the cutting edge, falling back as the blood poured from his self-inflicted wound.  Levi fell back, dropped his blade as Fitz spluttered, choked up blood, writhed on the ground.

“Dammit!” Erwin whipped off his cloak, used it to attempt to suppress the bleeding. He needed to keep these two alive, to coerce them to testify at Lobov’s trial, to compel them to _talk_. But the wound was too deep, Levi’s blades too sharp. Erwin’s cloak was stained with Fitz’s blood. He slammed his fist to the earth when Fitz’s eyes closed forever.

Mike was at his side. “Erwin…” he gestured to where Marcelle sat, wide-eyed. “This isn’t over.”

Erwin solemnly agreed. “No, it is not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that the mission objective was clear. And that Fitz and Marcelle weren't so much of a surprise that it seemed out of place. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think! I so love your comments and support :)
> 
> Much love and Happy Mother's Day!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had happened again. Levi shoved his hands inside his cloak to hide their trembling.  
> The scouts rounded up the bodies of their deceased. This was the first time in living memory any of them could recall bringing bodies home as a result of something, anything, other than titans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends! Thanks so much for reading, commenting and leaving kudos!
> 
> I really enjoyed writing this chapter! Hope you enjoy :)
> 
> Chapter song is Unsteady by X Ambassadors. You'll see why :)

It had happened again.  Levi shoved his hands inside his cloak to hide their trembling.

The scouts rounded up the bodies of their deceased. This was the first time in living memory any of them could recall bringing bodies home as a result of something, _anything_ , other than titans. Levi watched as Stella’s body was loaded into one of their supply wagons, covered with a tarp, concealing her features, her bloodied uniform. She was laid next to Gris in death. Levi imagined that would have been how she would have wanted it.

He had taken it upon himself to check the ties that bound Marcelle after the incident with Fitz, wound the fibers so tightly their captive cried out. Levi didn’t care – he was a traitor bought by Lobov, responsible for Isabel and Furlan’s deaths. Now, responsible for Stella’s death as well.

As he began to move away, Levi heard the prisoner’s voice for the first time. “Is this really the life you would have chosen for yourself, Levi?”

Levi whirled around, his eyes narrowed. “What did you say?”

Marcelle wasn’t looking at him. Tears were streaming down his face. His brown eyes found Levi and he smiled. “It’s not the life I would have chosen.”

“Oh no? You’d instead have chosen a life of being paid to murder innocent people?” Levi spat. “How much did Lobov pay you, you fucking coward?”

Marcelle hung his head, did not respond.

“Levi.” Hearing his name caused him to start, turn away from Marcelle’s despondent form. He was surprised and irritated to see Zacharias standing behind him. The taller man’s uniform was stained with blood, his eyes red. On his cheeks, the dirt and grime of the forest were only disturbed by the wet tracks of tears that had streamed down his face. 

Levi glowered at him. But for the first time, Levi’s glare was not returned. Mike looked miserable, more miserable that Levi had ever seen him. His voice was cold, somber when he spoke, “Levi…” he breathed the smaller man’s name, stumbled over the rest of his words. “...I wasn’t quick enough…to save Erwin…If you hadn’t been there, I don’t doubt Fitz would have killed him… Fuck…I’m shit at all this.... Look, what I wanted to say was…I was wrong, Levi…I shouldn’t have doubted your loyalties to him…and if you’re loyal to Erwin Smith, you’re loyal to the Corps.” He extended a hand to Levi, a truce, a peace offering. Warily, Levi took it, disbelief coloring his face. 

Mike laughed then. “I’m glad you’re one of us…Erwin sure is a lot safer with you around.” He clapped a hand on Levi’s right shoulder and then pulled back, distressed. “Oh damn, I’m sorry…I forgot...your shoulder…”

“It’s fine,” Levi placated him. “Don’t worry about it. It’s healed.”

“Goddamn,” Mike scratched his head. “That’s a skill that would come in real handy around here.” The irony of his words, the setting, and recent events settled between them and Mike fell silent. After a moment, he looked at Levi, sadly said, “It’s just us now, Levi. We have to look out for each other. And Erwin too. He’s bound to take a lot of this on himself. How much can one man take on his own?”

Both of their eyes fell on Erwin then. The Squad Leader was standing alone, watching over the bodies of his squad members. The look on his face was unreadable.

The rest of the evening consisted of the scouts pitching their tents, settling in. The victory of a new establishment was so outweighed by the carnage they had seen, the revelation of traitors in their midst. The air was thick with disenchantment, and a subtle resentment began to settle over the scouts. Levi was to share a tent with Mike. Together, the two worked to roll out their makeshift beds, to throw the tarp of their tent over its structure, creating what little shelter they could.

Levi couldn’t help his eyes drifting to Smith. The officers were each given their own tent, allowing for more privacy, a privilege of their stations. A dwelling in which they could let themselves break down, truly feel the burden of their losses. Levi imagined Erwin behind the flaps of that tent, alone. No doubt he would martyr himself, blame himself for what had happened. Erwin Smith, the sacrificial lamb of the Scout Regiment. Levi shook his head, bitterness sinking into his bones.

As night fell, Mike tumbled into his cot, fell asleep near instantly. It was obvious to Levi that the mission’s losses had had substantial impact on him.  He almost felt sorry for the brute of a man, as he watched him curl into a ball under the blankets, softly snore, writhe in his sleep, obviously tormented by nightmares, visions of titans, enemies with blades disguised as comrades.

Levi, unable to sleep, stepped from the tent into the darkness of the surrounding wilderness. All candles had been dimmed. All but one. A solitary flame of light burned inside Smith’s tent, casting his shadow on the tarp. He was alone, as Levi knew he would be, pacing the length of his small quarters.

Without first announcing himself, Levi walked over to Smith’s makeshift lodging and threw open the flap of his tent. Erwin looked up but didn’t seem overly surprised to see Levi standing in the entrance.

“Smith, you need sleep.”

Erwin nodded. “I could say the same for you, Levi.”

“Tsk…” Levi hissed under his breath, stepped further into the tent, allowing the fold of fabric to enclose him in the space.  The air was warm, almost stifling. He moved over to the cot Erwin had laid out for himself and took a seat, watching the squad leader raise an inquisitive eyebrow.

“Make yourself at home.” There was a hint of playfulness in his voice. Levi wouldn’t admit it, but he was pleased to hear something other than melancholy, something other than despair.

“Not like I can get any rest in my own tent…Zacharias has been snoring for hours.”

“Ahh Mike…” the somber expression returned to Smith’s face. “He’s been through quite a lot today.”

Levi flashed back to the image of Stella clawing at her own neck, Mike holding her, trying to comfort her and failing. Blood covering his uniform. Blood obscuring his features. Blood mixed with his tears. He forced the picture from his mind.  

“So have you,” Levi’s tone was gruff.

“And you as well…” Erwin’s eyes found Levi’s.

“Stop worrying so much about everyone else around you and start worrying more about yourself. Don’t you care about what would become of the Corps if something happened to you? You’re being selfish.”

Erwin actually laughed out loud. “And here, I thought you resented the Corps, Levi. I didn’t know you had so much concern for it’s wellbeing.”

“Don’t patronize me, Smith. I’m not Shadis.”

Erwin gave in, plopped down heavily on the bunk beside Levi. He rubbed his eyes with his hands.

“I appreciate your concern over me, Levi. Truth be told, it is rather unexpected…here I was thinking you hated me.”

Levi crossed his arms, moved away ever so slightly. “Who says I don’t?”

“You saved my life today without hesitation…” Erwin’s voice was strange, far off. “Not sure what I did to deserve your loyalty…but I am grateful for it.”

Levi flushed. He couldn’t explain it, this pull he had towards Smith, this otherworldly connection that seemed to tether his thoughts, his hopes, his purpose, to this man. He believed in Smith, believed in his vision. Believed in this man who contained within in him the capacity for such strength, such kindness, such purpose.

“Don’t be an idiot,” he said quietly.

Erwin looked at him quizzically. “An idiot?”

Levi scowled. “An _idiot._ Do you really doubt what these men see in you? What _I_ see in you? Yours is the only cause I’ll dedicate my heart to…” He immediately regretted his words. How could he have allowed such stupid sentiment to slip through his lips.

“Levi…” Erwin’s mouth was open, his blue eyes seeking, searching, penetrating. He put his head in his hands then, rubbed his forehead, raked his hairline. His gold hair fell in his face, the first time Levi had ever seen it out of place. “Levi, I’m afraid your belief in me is misplaced. Lately, I feel all I am capable of is missteps…missteps in the wrong direction. I’ve led you there as well. I’ve pulled you down with me…into despair, into death…”

Levi’s voice caught in his throat. “You pulled me _up_ from despair, Smith.”  He felt vulnerable admitting it, but Smith had opened himself, bared his soul before him. For some reason, he trusted Levi, the criminal from the underground, with those weaknesses he showed to no one else. “For that reason, I follow you…and you alone.”

Erwin’s eyes were wide as he pulled his face from his hands to look at Levi. “Levi…”

“Don’t ruin it, Smith. Just let it be…”

He nodded, turned away. “Thank you, Levi.”

The silence between them was deafening. Levi could tell that there was more Erwin had wanted to say. In a way, he was glad for the quiet, for his company, for a brief moment of calm amidst the storm.

When Erwin did speak, his voice almost trembled. “I can’t stop picturing her face…” Levi knew without his having to say it that he was talking about Stella. “I can’t stop hearing the noises she made. Is that how all our lives end? In fear? In pain? Terrified to die?”

Levi wasn’t sure how to respond, stayed silent, allowed him to continue.

 “Are we ever really ready? I’m terrified, Levi…Terrified to die before learning the truth.”

“Then don’t die.” Levi heard his own voice, felt the weight of his own words. “Stay alive. And I’ll help you find the truth.”

Erwin shook his head. “You continue to surprise me, Levi. You’re truly…extraordinary…” His eyes shone under the flickering light of his candle. Levi was aware then of how close they were to one another. He could almost feel Erwin’s breath on his face. The moment was so tense, so fraught, with something unspoken, something neither of them could name, Levi had to move away.

He got to his feet, made towards the tent flap. “I should go…Mike will have noticed my absence by now…”

“Levi…will you _stay_?” The request was so simple, Erwin’s voice so calm and yet Levi’s heart began to race in his chest. He felt an alarm ring in his head, though he did his best to disguise the heat rising to his face.

He swallowed, considering the man before him. Erwin Smith. The man he had hated, the man he had been determined to destroy…now sat in front of him, looking at him with the bluest of imploring eyes. So vulnerable, so open. Levi _wanted to_  stay. What reason did he have to say no?

He found his voice, “That hardly seems appropriate.” There was a tremor when he spoke…he was at once completely aware of the shake in his legs, the trembling of his hands. He plunged them into his cloak.

“Since when did you care about what is or isn’t appropriate?” Erwin asked. He smiled then, obviously noticing Levi’s discomfort. “I want nothing more from you than your presence, Levi… I just…don’t want to be alone tonight…”

A moment passed. Silence. Levi could hear the pounding of his own heart. Finally, he nodded, moving closer to Erwin. When he lay his body next to Erwin’s, the larger man swung his legs around, made room.  He reached over to the candle where it smoldered, and with a gentle breath, blew it out. They were enveloped in darkness. The sound of his own breathing was deafening to Levi. He pushed himself as close as he could to the edge of the frame, as far away from Smith as the small cot would allow.

Erwin softly breathed out. “Thank you, Levi.”

Before he knew it, Levi could feel Erwin’s gentle snores next to him. The deep rise and fall of his chest let him know that Smith was asleep, perhaps dreaming of a world without death, without betrayal, without titans. Levi debated with himself – toying with the idea of leaving now that Smith was asleep. But the warmth radiating from his sleeping body was soothing, comforting. Levi pressed himself closer to the man beside him. His sleeping breath played on the back of Levi’s neck. He was alive. They were alive. It was enough to make Levi want to stay.

In his sleep, the Squad Leader grumbled, breathed out, wrapped an arm around Levi’s waist and pulled him closer. Panic struck and Levi attempted to pull away but Erwin Smith was just about as strong as he looked.

He shoved Erwin hard between the ribs. “Smith,” he whispered fiercely. “Smith, get off me!” He struggled but Erwin held fast. He buried his face in Levi’s hair, breathed in deeply. “Levi…” he mumbled in his sleep.

Levi froze amidst his struggles. Hearing his name come from Erwin’s slumbering lips gave him pause. What was he dreaming about? Did it matter? Erwin had said his name...somewhere in the depths of that beautiful mess of a mind, Levi was occupying space. He closed his eyes, giving in. Allowed himself to be held. He was Erwin Smith’s willing captive. In the darkness, enveloped by Erwin Smith’s arms, he felt calm, safe, free. Being bound to this man…he felt freer than he had ever before.

That night, Levi, the man who rarely slept, fell into a deep and easy slumber. He didn’t dream, didn’t stir. And he rose before sunrise, pulling himself from Erwin’s grasp, careful not to disturb him. Before he walked out into the early dawn, he chanced one last look at the Squad Leader. He was tangled in the sheets, hair out of place. He looked so peaceful, so unburdened. Levi knew it wouldn’t last. Soon Erwin Smith would arise to face the harsh realities of this damned world, have to face the men he so often led into the depths of hell. In that moment, Levi swore to himself that he would not allow Erwin Smith to face those realities alone.

He stole away into the darkness of the early morning, creeping into his own tent, careful to avoid waking a sleeping Mike. As he crawled into his cot, Mike stirred. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, groggy, eyes adjusting. “Mmm…where were you?”

Levi did his best to hide the flush that colored the pallor of his face. He grunted, “Went out to take a piss. Go back to sleep, Mike.”

Mike nodded, yawned, rolled back over. “Mmmhmm…”

The silence surrounded Levi, enveloped him. He knew he wouldn’t fall back asleep but allowed himself to close his eyes nonetheless. He pictured Erwin Smith’s sleeping form. Heard his own name slip from his lips. The warmth that spread through his chest was so strange to him. He had never felt this way before…this purpose, this drive, this hope. For the first time in his life, Levi felt he had something to live for, something to fight for. Something he would dedicate his life to protecting. 

_Fine. I’ll follow you, Erwin Smith._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Ackerbond is starting to form! I've always thought that there might be a side to Erwin he lets Levi alone see. 
> 
> Levi is unused to compassion, kindness, someone respecting him as an equal. It was something he had only experienced with Isabel and Furlan. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Our last mission revealed quite a bit more than I had anticipated. Smith’s hairbrained idea did the trick…it revealed the traitors in our midst and now, I believe, we are one step closer to apprehending Lobov.” Shadis paused, looked at Erwin, who nodded, began to speak in turn.  
> “Marcelle has decided to talk to us,” he said coolly, indifferently. “But he has decided he only wants to talk…to you, Levi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! Here is Chapter 10! Hope you like it :)
> 
> Setting up some good stuff to come!
> 
> Chapter Song - I had a really hard time deciding between a lot of different songs but I think I settled on All or Nothing by Rueben and the Dark. 
> 
> I may publish a Spotify playlist with all the songs I have included in this series. If that is something you would be interested in, let me know!

The evening following their return from outside the walls, Shadis summoned Levi to his office.

Upon his arrival, Levi was unsurprised to see Erwin standing, arms folded, at Shadis’s side. Shadis himself sat at his desk near the front of the room. His desk, like Smith’s, was covered in scraps of papers, unfinished notes, pending missions. The cobwebs and clutter made Levi itch. He wished he had a duster and broom and a few good hours at his disposal to clean the place out and make it habitable.

Mike, too was present, settled in the corner of the room nearest Smith. He was leaned against the wall, a weary expression on his face. His nose was crinkled as if he had smelled something unsavory, something distasteful.  

But seeing Yan standing to Shadis’s right gave Levi pause. Yan was dressed in simple clothes, a vest and trousers, and his hair was neatly pulled back from his face in a short tail. Levi eyed Yan suspiciously. Yan only nodded at Levi, looked away.

Levi gestured to Yan. “Why’s he here?”

“Levi,” Shadis’s voice boomed. He motioned to a chair in front of his desk, ignoring Levi’s question. “Please sit.”

Looking around the room at the other men, Levi crossed his arms. “I’ll stand.” He saw the hint of a smile play at Erwin’s lips.

Shadis sighed, rubbed his temples. “Tell me, are you _purposely_ defiant? Or does it just come naturally to you?”

Levi didn’t reply, stared the commander down where he sat.

“Fine then. Stand for all I care.” It seemed arguing was too much for the tired Shadis. He looked at Levi with bags under his eyes, wrinkles on his face. Levi wondered how much more this old man could really have left in him, how much more death and defiance he was capable of taking, before it broke him, wore him down into nothing. 

“I’m sure this all seems very abnormal …” Shadis began. It was a tired refrain for Levi. _Just get on with it,_ he wanted to bark. But Smith’s eyes were on him. Levi shifted uncomfortably.

“Our last mission revealed quite a bit more than I had anticipated. Smith’s hairbrained idea did the trick…it revealed the traitors in our midst and now, I believe, we are one step closer to apprehending Lobov.” He paused, looked at Erwin, who nodded, began to speak in turn.

“Marcelle has decided to talk to us,” he said coolly, indifferently. “But he has decided he only wants to talk…to you, Levi.”

Levi’s eyes widened. “Me? Why?”

Erwin shrugged, began to pace where he stood. “We don’t know.” His hand had moved to cup his defined chin. “We were hoping you might be able to tell us?”

Levi’s steel eyes darkened. “I have no idea…we only spoke once…after I checked on his restraints at the campsite. He asked me if this was really the life I would have chosen for myself.”

Erwin paused, looked at him with a piercing blue stare. “And does that mean something to you?”

Levi shook his head. “Nothing. Just the insane ramblings of a caged animal. The fucker was probably just pissing himself after seeing his friend kill himself.”

Erwin’s thoughts were far away, his eyes delving into another one of the labyrinth of puzzles in the depths of his mind. Finally, he looked back at Levi, eyes glittering. “Do you mind going to speak with him? Now?”

“Where is he?” Levi asked. He had lost sight of their prisoner after they arrived at their base in Trost.

“In the dungeons.” Erwin indicated.

“What do you want me to say to him? What help can I possibly be?” Levi doubted his candor, his lack of propriety would be of any assistance. He just wasn’t capable of saying the _right_ things or acting any certain way.

“We think he has information on Lobov’s whereabouts. If we can get him to reveal them…if we can formulate some kind of plan with the knowledge he can give us…” Erwin’s face shone with hope. Levi recognized that look – that look of determination, of anticipation.

“You really think that spineless bastard is going to give us anything useful, Smith?” Levi threw out. “He tried to murder you – “

Erwin smiled at him, his expression warm…but with an edge. “He’s not the first…”

Levi quieted, slumped back into himself. “Fine,” he growled. “Take me to him. I’ll interrogate the piece of shit. And I’ll be happy to beat him senseless when he proves himself useless.”

Shadis sat up. “That won’t be necessary, Levi. He’s a valuable witness…”

“And I’ve found pain is often the most effective means of making someone talk…” Levi’s voice was cold. He looked from Shadis to Erwin. “Well, let’s go then. Or were we planning on each taking a shit first?”

Mike suppressed a laugh and Shadis scowled. The corners of Smith’s lips tugged into a tight smile though Yan seemed unamused. No doubt he was used to Levi’s lack of decorum. Levi was still unsure of the reason for Yan’s presence. It was obvious that he was there as a part of Erwin’s carefully formulated plan. Every piece of Erwin’s puzzle had its place. Yet, his shoulder, which so rarely pained him any longer, ached when Yan moved closer.

The trek to the dungeon was almost silent. Levi and Erwin walked side by side, following Shadis and Mike through the dreary gloom of the winding staircase to the bowels of the castle. When their shoulders touched, Levi could feel the heat radiate from Erwin and it coursed into his body, warming him, sending flames down his spine. He found it irritating how even the slightest of touches could set him on fire, make him feel dizzy when once his head was so clear.

Erwin looked down at him over his shoulder. He leaned in, whispered to him. “Thank you for doing this, Levi.”

Levi looked up into those vibrant blue eyes. _I would do anything for you,_ he thought. “What else was I supposed to do?” he snapped instead. “I’m basically a servant at your disposal now.” His voice dripped with a sarcasm so lavish he was afraid Erwin would mistake it for harshness. But Erwin grinned down at him. “Such an alluring thought…” he said almost too quietly for Levi to hear, though hear it he did. His stomach fluttered in response.

When they arrived in front of Marcelle’s cell, their prisoner looked up. He was a miserable shell of a human being. Despite only being imprisoned for less than 12 hours, his hair was disheveled, his face was sunken. Or perhaps he had always been that way – the sour lighting and dreariness of the dungeon perhaps illuminating these characteristics and bringing them to light.

Shadis stepped forward toward him and Marcelle shrank back, glowering at the imposing older man. “We have someone here to see you, Marcelle. Someone you asked for.”

“Don’t want to see anyone,” the prisoner mumbled, wouldn’t meet Shadis’s eyes.

Levi stepped in front of the Commander, his small stature dwarfed by the larger man’s frame. “Heard you asked for me, Marcelle. Why?” His voice was cold, harsh. But Marcelle’s eyes lit up seeing him nonetheless. He moved closer, grasped onto the bars that separated them.

“Levi,” he breathed. “You came. I didn’t think you would…”

“What do you want?” Levi demanded.

Shadis, Erwin, Mike and Yan had all backed up, essentially leaving the two criminals alone. _That’s what we are,_ Levi thought. _Criminals._ It made sense to him. Get the reformed thug to talk to the traitor, get one to convince the other to see the error in his ways.

Marcelle pressed his head against the bars, his brown eyes averted, looking to the ground. He mumbled something to the floor. Irritated, Levi grabbed the collar of his shirt through the cell bars, made Marcelle face him. “Speak up, you shit. We don’t have all day.”

“They want me to talk…but I don’t want to talk to them. Those spoiled, pompous pigs who have had their privileges fed to them with a silver spoon. They don’t know what it’s like to have nothing…to have always had nothing. You do, Levi.” Marcelle’s voice was soft, imploring.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Levi grew tired of this, the sob story, the cry for pity.

“It has _everything_ to do with everything, Levi. Can’t you see that? Lobov, Shadis, Smith…they’re all pawns of the aristocracy. And those of us who have nothing…who can be bought and sold like whores…we serve them to _survive_.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed, the steel cutting into Marcelle’s flesh like a knife. “So that’s your excuse? You serve Lobov to survive? That’s bullshit. What hold does that fat fuck have over you?”

“A life free from titans…a life in the interior…a life with wealth, safety, security…”

“You chose to enter the Survey Corps! It was a choice you made.” Levi growled.

Marcelle nodded. “I did. So did Fitz. For the stipend. For the glory. But the Corps isn’t the answer, Levi. Smith may convince you with his fancy words and his charming smile…but the only thing out there…outside the walls…is death. Death, despair, destruction. Titans. We’re doomed outside the walls. The Scout Regiment is a fraud.”

“Lobov’s words coming out of your mouth. Are you that stupid?” Levi demanded. “Inside the walls, we’re trapped with nowhere to go. If they ever fell, we’d all be like animals freshly prepped for slaughter. Fat, weak, useless.”

“The walls won’t fall, Levi. The walls can’t fall. They’re impervious.” Marcelle was so disenchanted. Levi could see Lobov’s indoctrination in his eyes, the way he spoke.

Levi shook his head, turned away from Marcelle. “So, what is the answer, Marcelle? Is it Lobov? Is it the king? Is it wealth?”

“The answer…” Marcelle laughed. “There is no answer. The only thing we can do is to live a free life. A life for ourselves. Everything I do, I do for me. I do it to survive. What about you, Levi? What do you live for? Is this the life you would have chosen, if given the chance?”

Levi grit his teeth. That same damn question. Truth be told, he wasn’t sure if this was the life he would have chosen in any other world. But it was the life he had chosen in this one. A life he had decided to dedicate to the Corps. To Smith. He pictured that handsome, smarmy face in his head. Those blue eyes that had captivated him, drawn him in. Levi knew that his life was Smith’s now. There was no other choice.

“I live for the Corps now,” he said solemnly. “I live for the expansion of humanity.”  

“I never took you for the selfless, hero type, Levi. I thought better of you,” Marcelle lamented. “I had thought someone from the underground would have had more of a desire to survive.”

“I intend to survive,” Levi growled. “And I intend to find out the truth of this world.”

Marcelle cringed. “The truth? The truth is that titans have us surrounded…but our real quarrel is among ourselves. Whoever has the resources, whoever has the wealth…that is the person who will survive.”

“So Lobov wants to help you survive, then? Out of the goodness of his heart? And the only thing you have to do is murder innocent people?”

“Erwin Smith is not an innocent man, Levi. He has blood on his hands just like you, just like me. I would gladly murder Erwin Smith for a life free from titans.”

“Forget Smith – you killed Stella and Gris. What did that gain you? What did killing your comrades…your friends…do to help you live a life free from titans?” Levi’s was furious. His hands shook, clenched in fists at his sides.

“I didn’t kill Stella and Gris! That wasn’t my doing! I would never have…” Marcelle trailed off. He looked up at Levi, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. “Fitz hated Smith, hated the Scouts. He was a good pretender…he sold his soul to the destruction of the Corps.”

“To Lobov, you mean.”

Marcelle nodded. “To Lobov.”

Levi leaned in, as close as the bars of the cell would allow him. “What if I could help you, Marcelle? What if I could help you get what you want? To help you get out of this cell? To help you get to the interior? As far from the titans as this world will allow?”

“How? And why? Why would you want to help me?” Marcelle’s head was in his hands.

“Tell us where Lobov is…take us to him…help us bring him to justice…and the Scout Regiment will pardon you, release you from your duty and purchase a home for you in the interior. A home in which you will be allowed to live out the rest of your days in peace, as far from the titans as possible.” Levi wasn’t sure if this was even something the Corps could deliver, but he didn’t care. Marcelle lifted his face, looked at Levi with glittering brown eyes. Eyes so dark, they almost looked black.

“You can’t make that promise,” he whispered.

“He can’t…but I can.” Commander Shadis stepped from the darkness, reminding both Levi and Marcelle of his presence. “Help us apprehend Nicholas Lobov and we will forget this entire messy business. And assist you attaining this life you wish to live.”

Levi’s heart was pounding watching Marcelle study Shadis’s wrinkled features. Could this really work? Could it be as simple as making an empty promise to a man who had nothing else to lose?

Marcelle nodded, extended his right hand through the bars. “You have a deal.”

Shadis took his hand, shook it once, forcefully. “Good then. We will leave tomorrow.”

“Hold on, now.” Marcelle pulled his hand back. “We can’t just waltz in there without a plan. Lobov will be expecting that – he will anticipate an attack. We need something _tangible_. We need to be able to deliver…to trick him into thinking he has the upper hand.”

“Tsk…” Levi growled. “What do you suggest?”

“We deliver him Erwin Smith.” Marcelle’s words rang hollow in the cellblock. Levi slunk inward, his eyes narrowed.

Erwin stepped from the shadows. “Done,” he said. Levi shouldn’t have been surprised. He fought back the frustration that coursed through him as he glared sidelong at the Squad Leader.

They drew up the plans then, made determinations on how to move forward with the attempt to bring Lobov to justice. All while using Smith as bait. The stage was set. Marcelle would write to Lobov in the underground first, secure him, ensure him that Smith would be delivered. He and Yan would then “detain” Smith, bind him, deliver him to Lobov’s underground lair. Levi and Mike would follow behind, disguised as MP’s and together, they would all work to bring Lobov down once he revealed himself. Despite the odds, Levi swore to himself that he would cut through those loyal to Lobov. The intent of the Smith and Shadis was to keep as many of their enemies alive as possible. But Levi refused to hesitate should any of their lives be threatened. Should Smith’s life be threatened.

“We need enough time to allow for my correspondence with Lobov to get to the underground and back,” Marcelle said, his voice cool, soft. “It will be at least a week until we are able to move – that’s if I can gain Lobov’s compliance. If he believes me and goes along with it.”

“A week?” Levi growled, whirling on the group. “A fucking week?”

Erwin held up a hand, seeking to calm him. “We have time. We’ve waited this long. For the time being, we’ll go about our actions as normal – training, exercising, drills. And Marcelle will be kept in protective custody, along with Yan. Around the clock watch.”

Marcelle chuckled. “You don’t trust me, Smith?”

“You’ll prove your trustworthiness in time,” Erwin said calmly. “In the meantime, we can take no chances.  However, I think we can provide better accommodations than these. Mike, will you escort Marcelle to Flagon’s old chambers? We will station two scouts outside the door around the hour until our mission.”

Mike nodded, unlocked Marcelle’s cell, escorted him out, after binding his hands behind his back. As they turned to go up the steps, Levi glared at Erwin. “Officer’s quarters, eh Smith?”

Erwin turned his eyes to face Levi’s dark stare. “We have to be able to keep an eye on him. There’s no other safe place for him. And we can’t leave him in the dungeon…not if we expect him to comply with us.”

“You really have a plan for everything, don’t you?” Levi’s voice was sharp. He meant it to be that way. Why Erwin was so quick to throw his life on the line, to show no concern for his own well-being was beyond Levi’s comprehension. And it was getting under his skin.

“Smith, let’s regroup in my office. Levi, see Yan to his quarters, will you?” Shadis’s words were clipped, hurried. He didn’t wait for an answer before taking Smith by the shoulder and spiriting him away, back up the stairwell.

Yan and Levi were alone. The silence was deafening. Finally, Yan spoke. “Levi…I’m so sorry…”

Levi turned on him abruptly, causing him to stagger back. “Sorry for what, Yan? Sorry for delivering me to Lobov on a silver platter? Or sorry for shooting me in the back?”

Yan stammered, his voice trembling. “I…I’m sorry for both…for everything. Levi, you can’t imagine the things they planned to do to me…the things they threatened should I fail…”

“I think I can imagine just fine, actually,” Levi snapped and Yan’s shoulders slumped. He nodded.

“You have every right to hate me, Levi. I would hate me too. I can never make up for what I allowed them to do to you. But I’m going to try…” His face was so sincere, so set, Levi almost wanted to forgive him, almost wanted to let go of the resentment that had settled in his veins. Almost.

“Fine,” he conceded, moving towards the stairs. “Where are they keeping you?”

“The chamber nearest to Smith’s…I think he wants to keep an eye on me. Keep me close. He doesn’t trust me either.” Yan followed behind Levi, his paces louder and more definitive on the steps as they travelled upward.

Levi smiled. “He’s a smart man.”

“It’s obvious he cares for you…” Yan’s words made Levi pause in his tracks, whip around on the higher step so he was face to face with Yan. Yan gasped, nearly fell back. “I didn’t mean anything by it…it’s just…when he found us…He wouldn’t let anyone else touch you. He carried you, Levi. Like you would carry a lover or a child…in his arms. And once you were secure in the hospital, he didn’t leave your side. Not once. I’ve never seen anyone so concerned, so devoted to another human being…it wasn’t anything I could have anticipated…”

Levi understood. Kindness, compassion, devotion…these were not qualities often witnessed in the underground. Had it not been for Furlan, Yan might have never been privy to benevolence of any kind his entire life.

“What I’m saying is…I understand it now, Levi.” Levi’s eyes flashed to Yan’s, steel meeting gold, and the larger man continued. “I understand why you didn’t kill him.”

 

* * *

 

After shutting Yan in his chambers, Levi slumped against the wall. Across the drab hallway, the doorway to Smith’s quarters almost called out to him, compelled him over. Slowly, hesitantly, he moved to Smith’s bedroom door, listening for any signs of his movements within.

“Levi?” Erwin’s voice startled him, though he did his best to hide it. He spun around to see the Squad Leader standing in the hallway, watching him, a slight smirk playing on his lips. “Were you looking for me?”

Levi scoffed. “I just put your pet, Yan, in his cage.”

Erwin nodded. “Ah…yes. Yan. My apologies for leaving you so abruptly with him. It only just occurred to me that you most likely hadn’t conversed with him since…”

“It’s fine.” Levi dismissed his concern.

“Would you…like to come in?” Erwin gestured to the door, dexterously slipped his key inside the lock and turned. Levi’s heart banged like a drum inside his chest, the stifling closeness to Erwin choking him. He shrugged and entered the room, Erwin on his heels.

He hadn’t known what to expect of Erwin Smith’s personal quarters but the environment in which he had stepped was not it. It was a cold, solitary space with a double bed in the corner of the room and little else to provide any other sign of life.  Cobwebs adorned the ceiling like decorations and dust had settled in the corners of the room. It was almost as though this room had gone uninhabited for years…a dark and empty space, suitable only for lonely reflections and sleeping.

“Smith…what is this?” Levi turned to face Erwin, his eyes wide.

Erwin glanced around himself. “What?”

“This…room…do you honestly sleep in here?” Levi raised an eyebrow, incredulous.

Erwin nodded, moved closer to Levi, his eyes searching the room. “I…have been lately…since moving Yan across the hall…I like to keep him close.” His eyes settled on Levi’s, connecting with a meaningful look. “I have to admit, I prefer sleeping in my office…”

Levi rolled his eyes. “Of course, you do.”

Erwin’s smile was infectious. Levi studied his face. It occurred to him then that he had never before seen such a perfectly symmetrical, strikingly beautiful face. He had to turn his eyes away. “Of course, I do. Am I that obvious to you, Levi?”

“Hmmph,” Levi laughed derisively. “Smith, you’re a puzzle to me.”

“A puzzle?” Erwin moved even closer, closing the gap between them to look into Levi’s eyes. “How do I puzzle you, Levi?”

Levi pulled away, took to separating himself again from Erwin. “What did Marcelle mean when he said you have blood on your hands?”

Erwin sighed. “I’m afraid, I have more blood on my hands than you could imagine, Levi…” He moved to settle down onto the bed in the corner of the room. He sat, legs open, posture hunched as he put his head in his hands, rubbed his temples. Levi chose to lean against the wall, facing Erwin. Near the bed but not near enough to feel the heat radiating from his being too close to Erwin. He waited, waited for Erwin to continue.

“I’m responsible for my own father’s death, Levi.” His voice was almost too quiet to hear. But his words caused Levi to move closer, to respond in curiosity.

“Your father…”

“He was a schoolteacher. In Trost. The smartest man I knew…He was a kind man, a good man. A good father. And I, in my complete and total ignorance of how the world truly works…I laid a paper trail for his demise. I was only 10 years old.”

“How could you be responsible for his death, Smith? That’s ridiculous.”

“No…” Erwin looked up at Levi, pain etched in the fine lines of his face. “I betrayed my father with my own witlessness…You see, my father would often teach lessons on the walls…how they protect us…what lies outside them…and one day, during class, I raised my hand and I asked him…I asked him how we knew life outside the walls no longer existed…”

“What did he say?” Levi leaned in, searching Erwin, watching him carefully, studying him.

“He moved on, didn’t answer…He was too smart to openly give me an answer in front of all of the other children. But he trusted me. And once we got home, my father gave me his own personal theory…a theory that both frightened and exhilarated me. It reminded my young mind of the fairy tales and fiction books with which I was always filling my own head…He told me he thought the government was…toying with us somehow, altering our memories…wiping them…”

Levi’s eyes were wide. He could hear his own breath, the rapid pace of his heart. “That’s crazy, Smith. It doesn’t make sense.”

“That’s what I thought. It seemed like a tall tale, like something I could use to impress my friends. When I got back to the schoolyard the next day, that’s exactly what I did. I told all my friends of my father’s crazy theory. I even told two interested MP’s who had overheard my story. I would tell anyone who showed me any interest…And the next day, my father disappeared. I never saw him again.”

Levi didn’t know why Erwin was telling him this, why now. He didn’t know what to say, how to comfort this man, how to express his condolences when every thought that entered his head felt hollow, insincere. “Erwin…”

“I’m telling you this, Levi…because I am not innocent.” Erwin stood, moved closer to where Levi stood. “I am not even a good man. I’m not worthy of the faith you place in me, the service you continue to grant me. I was once a little boy, seeking approval. I’m now a grown man seeking the truth. I’m selfish…I’ve always been selfish. I’m a wicked man. I’m undeserving.” He was so close to Levi now. Levi could feel his breath on his face. His eyes searched Erwin’s imploringly.

“You’re wrong,” he choked out the words. They tasted bitter in his mouth.

Erwin raised his hand, ran it up Levi’s neck, into the soft black silk of his hair. He wound his fingers into the strands, pulled Levi close…so close. Levi’s heart was racing, desire hot in his throat. Their eyes connected and electrical impulses surged through Levi’s body, into each of his appendages. Then Erwin let go, let his hand fall to his side. “I wish I could see what you see, Levi. But I’ll never be worthy of you.”

Levi’s was having trouble calming the longing in his chest, the raging of his heart as it pounded furiously against his ribcage. He moved to the door without a word to Erwin, turned the handle, crossed the threshold. Didn’t look back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love bringing these two together, writing their interactions. It's so slow, so measured and cautious. I think Erwin sees the danger in it but he can't help himself. 
> 
> I just imagine Levi is so bad at relationships, so bad at expressing his feelings, when Erwin pulls away, it feels like a constant rejection he can't confront. It's a push and pull and it's so exciting to write. Hope you're liking it - and hoping that it feels organic.
> 
> Please let me know what you think :) Another Erwin Chapter coming your way next!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He hadn’t spoken to Levi in days, was sure the smaller man was avoiding him. Erwin was confused, concerned, unsure of how to approach him. Had he been too forward? Too open with his desire? It had been years since Erwin had allowed himself to feel these types of feelings. Yet even now, he fought desperately to force them back below the surface. He didn’t have the luxury of feeling for another human being. No one in the Survey Corps did. Why should Erwin Smith be so lucky?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends!
> 
> I was going to post this on Saturday buuuuuut I can't wait. I really enjoyed writing this chapter, again from Erwin's point of view so please let me know what you think! 
> 
> Chapter Song is Wicked Game by James Vincent McMorrow. Hot damn, friends. This song is sexy. And I feel like it goes so well with where this is heading. If you haven't listened to it, DO IT. If you're a Game of Thrones fan like me, this song is probably familiar to you. It was in the Season 7 trailer.

Erwin had had the same dream nearly every night the week following the conversation with Levi in his bedroom. The steel of Levi’s gray eyes, the heat of his body pressed against his own. Erwin gently laid his lips to Levi’s, felt the smaller man breathe into his kiss. It started like this every time – gentle at first, then desperate, chaotic, manic. Erwin could feel Levi melt into him, run desperate scratches down his naked back, a trail of red welts raising on his skin. He tilted Levi’s head back, grazed the soft flesh of his neck with his teeth. _Erwin,_ he heard the yearning in Levi’s voice, a longing, a desire. Erwin’s hands shook, his body trembled.

And then he awoke, a cold sweat having broken out all over his body. The dream shook him every time, stole his breath. He hadn’t spoken to Levi in days, was sure the smaller man was avoiding him. Erwin was confused, concerned, unsure of how to approach him. Had he been too forward? Too open with his desire? It had been years since Erwin had allowed himself to feel these types of feelings. Yet even now, he fought desperately to force them back below the surface. He didn’t have the luxury of feeling for another human being. No one in the Survey Corps did. Why should Erwin Smith be so lucky?

Days had gone by since the letter from Marcelle had been set on its course to Lobov. Nothing in response. Erwin’s determination had faded into hope had faded into apathy had faded into fear. Fear that Lobov might see through their ruse. That he might refuse to comply. That this whole plan would have been for nothing.

Levi and Mike had been spending a good deal of time together lately, Erwin had noticed. And Levi, despite all Erwin’s imploring glances, avoided his eyes at every turn. Occasionally, he would see Hange make her way over to the two. Sometimes Nanaba joined them. And every time Erwin himself made his way to join the group, to engage them in conversation or enjoy their company, Levi silently slipped away.

He felt Levi’s absence in his core. He missed the sharp wit, the lashing tongue, the quiet power. The effortless calm. The unconditional devotion. Being someone worthy of Levi’s affections was something for which Erwin hoped to strive. To be a stronger man, a more selfless man, a better man. He wasn’t sure if it was even possible. But he yearned for it.  

Five days into the long wait for a response from Lobov, a letter arrived for Marcelle. It was unmarked, unstamped. Only Marcelle’s name was written on the envelope, in bold, cursive script. Marcelle brought the letter to Erwin’s room, and Erwin’s hands trembled when he pulled the enclosed message from its packaging.

_Tomorrow. Midnight. Dungeons._

It was signed _Starling,_ a name Erwin didn’t recognize. But now, they had a deadline. An objective. A location. An end in sight. Once Lobov was apprehended, Erwin felt he would be able to breathe easier.

 _Tomorrow. Midnight._ _Dungeons._ That didn’t give them much time. Erwin headed a debrief of their mission prior to departing. He summoned all active participants to his quarters and was pleased to see Levi in person, if nothing else. The small man seemed determined to occupy as little space as possible, leaning against the door frame, arms folded over his chest, legs crossed at the ankle, brow hooded with a scowl etched into his features.

Marcelle seemed almost giddy with excitement. Erwin wasn’t sure if it was the prospect of the action or the idea of propelling Erwin himself into a dangerous situation that caused the man to rock back and forth in glee.

“We’ll depart immediately,” Erwin said. “We must assume that Lobov has spies everywhere and will be watching our every move. That’s why I have prepared a coach and two horses for our passage. I’ll ride in the coach with Yan and Marcelle as their prisoner. Levi, Mike, you’ll ride behind on horseback, supervising the transport. I’ve managed to procure two Military Police cloaks and jackets. I hope I guessed correctly on the sizes.” As he passed out the cloaks, his hand grazed Levi’s, though the smaller man barely seemed to notice.

“Yan, I’ll ask that you bind my hands.” Erwin indicated to a thick rope on his desk. “And then, throw _this_ over my face once we get to Mitras.” A brown burlap hood that was both scratchy and uncomfortable. “We have to make this as believable as possible. Lobov isn’t as stupid as he looks. He will be expecting some foul play.”

Erwin couldn’t help noticing Levi’s silence. It was not out of the ordinary but he wished he could have heard Levi’s voice to still the racing of his heart. Though he forced himself to remain poised and calm, he was terrified. Terrified, that this plan, like so many of the others he had had recently, was doomed to fail. That this plan, too, might result in the loss of something so precious to him…He pushed the thought to the back of his mind. Best not mourn the loss of something he had yet to lose.

The trek was a silent one. The coach he had prepared was a dank, dark carriage, mostly constructed of metal bolts and slats. It was a coach meant for the transportation of dangerous criminals, complete with forward and backward compartments – the latter, a solitary prison in and of itself, separated from the front compartment by steel bars. It was to be a long 12-hour jaunt, sitting on a cold metal slab of a bench but Erwin was determined to endure, adrenaline surging through his veins.

Levi and Mike followed behind on horseback, as his plan had entailed. The hoods of their Military Police cloaks were pulled tightly over their faces to disguise their features. Still, Erwin worried that Levi’s slight, small form would be unmistakable when they were surrounded by enemies. It was a gamble he had to take. Not having Levi along would have been a grave risk, one sure to end in catastrophe.

They didn’t stop and took very infrequent breaks along their journey. It was a steady pace. By the time they entered the gates of Wall Shina, and the hood he had provided was pulled over his face, Erwin was sore, tight and uncomfortable. _Good,_ he thought. All the more realism that would be evident in his performance.

When they neared the stairway to the underground, Levi and Mike stopped the carriage, as instructed. Marcelle and Yan dismounted from their spots in the front, and Erwin felt himself forcefully pulled from the back. He felt Marcelle’s harsh hands, felt a kick to his back and he stumbled and fell to his knees. “Get up, swine!” Marcelle bellowed, grabbing him by the collar. He heard Yan request entrance to the underground for a meeting with the “Noble Lord Starling,” and they were met with no hesitation, no resistance. Did the MP’s guarding the entrance to the underground know it was Erwin under the hood? Had they expected his capture? Was _every_ MP loyal to Lobov?

As they descended the steep stone steps to the underground, Erwin’s world was black, his footsteps only being guided by the harsh tugs and gentle pushes from Marcelle and Yan respectively. He was not even sure if Mike and Levi were still following behind. He had instructed them to lag, allow some distance between them so as to disassociate themselves from the group. But the distance between them set him on edge. He could be being led to his own demise… _might be_ …and he would be helpless to stop it.  _I have to trust Levi, Mike, Yan._ Erwin thought. _Have to trust Marcelle’s own self-interest._

He stumbled every other step, nearly fell almost a dozen times. Marcelle’s grasp was so vehement, it almost felt to Erwin that the traitor was taking some pleasure in causing him discomfort. Kicking the back of his legs, pushing him, slapping him upside the head. He was dizzy and light-headed. The small bits of light that played through the hood he wore were not enough to help him make out anything more than shapes, brief flickers of light, a world of darkness. 

His legs moved, keeping a steady stride, for what seemed a long time – an hour, maybe slightly less. He had never personally been to the dungeon in the underground but had heard of it. Most men and women who went in rarely made it out, and even fewer made it out with their sanity intact. So dank and stagnant, he had heard it told that imprisonment within those cold stone walls was a punishment worse than death. _How fitting_ , he thought, _that this should be where Lobov wants to meet._ He wondered if it was Lobov’s plan to force him into a cell and leave him there to rot, to descend into madness. The thought sent a chill up his spine. He could think of nothing worse.

Erwin had been sure the air could get no cooler but he was wrong. He heard Yan’s gentle voice in his right ear. “We’ve reached the dungeon, Smith. Step up, here.” Erwin did as he was told. Wetness, seeped into the leather of his boots, soaking his feet from the outside in. He clenched his teeth behind the hood.  He must have crossed over the threshold, stepped into a puddle of condensation. Or worse. He knew it didn’t rain in the underground.

Yan’s words again guided him. “We’re going down a set of stairs, Smith. Step down. Slowly…”

He heard Marcelle hiss to Yan, “You better hope no one hears you guiding him or you’ll ruin the whole plan.”

Yan’s voice was quiet, frantic. “I’m sorry – I didn’t think about it – “

“Of course you didn’t, you stupid underground shit. Now shut your mouth and let me handle this.” A sharp kick to the back sent Erwin stumbling down the stairs, his body slamming hard against the stone and brick. He reeled in pain as he landed on his side at the foot of the steps. Disoriented, blind, in agony…Erwin began to feel real fear. What had he gotten himself into?

He heard the padding of Yan’s feet as he raced down the steps to get to him, to help him back to his feet but Marcelle beat him to it. “Don’t fucking touch him,” he growled. Erwin knew that Yan froze, heard his boots stop in their tracks. Marcelle was at Erwin’s side, yanked him up by the back of his collar, and without warning punched him square in the face, knocking him back to the stone floor.

Yan yelped. “What – what are you doing? Stop!”

Erwin heard a scuffle, heard what he assumed was Yan’s body being forced against the brick and mortar wall with tremendous force. “Don’t you question me again, you underground rat. I’m in charge here. And Smith is my prisoner. I’ll do with him what I want and you’ll follow along like the pathetic rodent  you are.”

Erwin attempted to get to his feet and stumbled. How much of Marcelle’s actions were a performance? How much for show? Was it possible that Marcelle was no longer acting? Taken out of Survey Corps custody and placed back within Lobov’s reach, was he perhaps double-crossing them, leading them into a trap?

Erwin tasted blood. The strike had split his lower lip. He felt himself once more pulled to his feet, pushed forward. His boots skidded on the slick floor.  His heart pounded in his chest as he was dragged along. He was suddenly hit with the indignity of his predicament. He imagined Levi in a similar situation and his heart wrenched in his chest.

He heard heavy doors swing open, felt a heaving shove on his back, fell forward and landed on his knees. And that was when he heard what could only be described as music to his ears. The thick, deep voice of Nicholas Lobov.

“Well, well, Marcelle. What sort of present have you brought me?”  In a flash, the hood was ripped from Erwin’s face, throwing his head back and he pinched his eyes shut tight in response. It took a long moment for his eyes to adjust to his surroundings, to acclimate to the lack of light.  

The room in which he now kneeled was what appeared to be an officer’s quarters in the underground jailhouse. Filthy, unfinished, dank and muggy, but preferable to the bare cells in which the prisoners were often held. Lobov was seated in front of Erwin, his heaving mass spilling over the frame of the chair in which he sat. Behind him stood at least 10 MP’s, each glaring down imposingly at Erwin. Each was heavily armed. Perfect body guards for the wealthy – no consciences, provoked only by money.  A look around the room and to his sides showed Marcelle standing to the right and Yan to the left. Marcelle’s eyes shone dangerously while Yan appeared terrified, an animal in a trap.

Lobov looked down at Erwin and the grinned that spawned on his fat face pulled his mustache taut. “Erwin Smith!” His voice sounded almost surprised, though Erwin highly doubted its sincerity. “Welcome to my little underground lair. It’s roomy, no? Not quite finished yet. We’re currently picking out paint colors for the walls! How do you feel about _blood red_?”  He burst into hysterical chuckle, his enormous belly bouncing where he sat.

“Good to see you too, Nicholas.” Erwin’s voice was calm but inside, he was on fire. He could taste victory, see Lobov’s monstrous form bound to the stake in the middle of the courtroom in Mitras, pleading his case, losing his freedom.

“Ahhh and where is our favorite little street urchin?” Lobov feigned obliviousness, looking over Erwin’s shoulders, searching the room. “Did you like the way we made him over, Smith? Fixed his face a little, made him prettier for you.”

Erwin was not one who was easily moved to anger. But he clenched his teeth to stop himself from snapping. 

Lobov leaned back, smirked. “I had hoped he would have been able to join us. Killing him in front of you was something I was so looking forward to.”

One of the MP’s near the back, moved forward, a gross sneer on his face. “One of our men saw the little shit and Zacharias enter the underground…clearly following Smith. We dispatched a group after them…no doubt they’ll both be dead by now.”

Lobov nodded to the MP, dismissed him. “Oh well…you hear that, Smith? Seems your protectors may be in a fair bit of danger themselves…You didn’t really think I would fall for your little trick, did you?” He chuckled to himself. A round of smiles were plastered on the faces of all the MP’s behind him as well.

“Erwin Smith, the smartest man in the Survey Corps…You’re a fool. And today, you meet your own demise.  But first…I have some very personal business to which I need to attend.” Lobov motioned for the MP’s in his wake to move forward. They approached Erwin, swarmed around him. He expected them to bring him to his feet, restrain him, but instead, they ignored him completely. And rounded on Yan instead. Yan yipped like a dog, scrambled when two of the MP’s held his arms and another punched him in the stomach. He doubled over, clutching his torso.

Lobov’s voice was cold, harsh, unforgiving. “Ahh Yan, my little turncoat. You took my prize away from me. You shot my attack dog. You know I don’t take betrayal lightly.”

The MP’s savagely forced Yan in front of Lobov, where he stood battered and trembling.

Erwin shifted where he kneeled. “Enough of this Lobov. Your quarrel is with me. Leave him alone. He delivered me to you – he has done his part.”

Lobov’s eyes narrowed, almost disappeared behind the folds of flesh in his face. “Ahh, Smith. So eager to get on with your own punishment…but I have plenty to go around. You will all atone in time. But right now, it’s Yan’s turn.”

Lobov snapped his fingers and Yan disappeared under a fray of bodies, beatings. He shrieked as they descended on him, fists flailing, blood spattering. Once he was thrown to the ground, twice his head was forced against the stone floor with such force, the sharp crack resounded within the hollow room. Yan’s eyes were closed now, he wasn’t moving, wasn’t responding. The blood was flowing freely from the wound on his head, pouring from his nose.

“Stop it!” Erwin bellowed, hoping to command as much force as he could but he was useless. He had no power here. His voice was without a sound, falling on deaf, defiant ears.

The sound of grapple hooks and gears alerted him to an additional presence in the room. Levi. He shot down the stairs, his hook sinking into the wall behind them. Gracefully, deftly, he landed on his feet, sliced his way thorough the quarrel of MP bodies, cut his way to Yan. In a matter of moments, at least half of the MP’s lay dead or injured at his feet. He used his body as a barrier between Yan and Lobov, protecting Yan’s unconscious form. Mike was beside Levi, his blades unsheathed, pointing at the remaining MP’s. Teeth were bared, hatred emanating from all directions. “Enough, Lobov!” Levi’s voice was full of fury. He pointed a blade at the imposing figure in front of him. “It’s over.”

Lobov stood, slowly, his mass rising with him. He whipped out a pistol, pointed it directly at Erwin. “It’s not over until I say it’s over!” he bellowed. “Move and I’ll blast a hole through Smith’s chest.”

Levi’s eyes flickered to Erwin’s face. “Levi, don’t hesitate,” was Erwin’s reply. “I’m replaceable.”

Levi grit his teeth. “Goddammit, Smith. Keep your self-deprecating mouth shut!” he snapped. “Now is not the time.”

Lobov chortled. “Ahh a lover’s quarrel! But who will survive? Tell me, Levi, what will you have left to live for if I steal your fearless leader from you as I did your friends?”

“Put the gun down, Lobov,” Levi growled. “I’ll run you through faster than you can pull the trigger. You know I’m capable of it.”

“But can you stop us both at the same time?” Marcelle’s voice caused all heads to snap back. In his hands, he held a sleek black revolver. It too, was pointed at Erwin. _Goddamn traitor,_ Erwin cursed himself for being so stupid as to think that Marcelle was really worthy of the trust they had placed in him.

“You fucking traitor,” Levi hissed, anger seething from his behind his gritted teeth.

Marcelle laughed. “You’re not really surprised are you? You didn’t think I’d actually buy that empty promise of a life free from titans? The Survey Corps doesn’t even have enough money to feed the soldiers currently in its service. But you know who does? Nicholas Lobov? So why would I help you close my own bank vault?”

Levi’s free hand was in a fist at his side. Trembling with rage. Mike’s hands were full with both blades, holding the other MP’s at bay. They were locked in a stand-off. Erwin knew Levi would not back down. It was not in his nature to do so.

Yan stirred. “Levi…” his voice was barely audible. He reached out a hand, fingers bent and bleeding. With his free hand, Levi reached down and took Yan’s. “It’s ok, Yan. Hold on – we’re getting you out of here.”

Lobov shook his head, his gun hand steady. “I don’t think so. You rats will never be leaving the underground again.”

Yan’s battered face followed the line of Lobov’s gun to where Erwin kneeled. His eyes connected with Erwin’s for a moment. “Smith…this wasn’t supposed to happen.” His voice was almost a whisper.

Erwin shook his head. “Rest, Yan,” he said but Yan began to struggle to pull himself to his elbows. One measured move at a time, Yan was able to get to his feet. He moved slowly, reached into the pocket of his vest and pulled out a small knife, which he used to cut the ties binding Erwin’s hands. Erwin flexed his liberated hands, rubbed his sore wrists.

“Back up, you pathetic waste!” Lobov bellowed, flashing his gun between Yan and Erwin. Levi held steady but Erwin saw his free hand, his left hand, twitch. He knew he was poised to strike before Levi even moved. Before anyone could react, Levi, with lightning speed, reached into his breast pocket, pulled out a silver hilted dagger and threw it with precision to strike Marcelle square in the throat. Marcelle gasped out as blood spurted from the fresh wound. He dropped his pistol to the stone floor, both hands clutching at his neck. He began to bleed out as the MP’s nearest Mike dived towards him, blades extended.

In the chaos, Lobov’s gun fired. The blast deafened Erwin, threw him off balance. He waited for the pain, the momentum that would inevitably throw his body back as the bullet shattered his breast bone. But it never came. He was unwounded…because Yan had thrown his body in front of the gun, shielding Erwin from the blast. As Yan slumped to the ground, Levi pounced on Lobov, threw his heaving mass to the stone floor with a thunderous roar. With a boot, he kicked the gun from Lobov’s grasp. It skidded across the floor, towards Mike, who grabbed it, pointed it towards his enemies.

“Everyone stand down or I will cut his fucking throat!” Levi’s voice was so filled with rage, it almost frightened Erwin. But the scuffling stopped and the two MP’s who had survived the quarrel with Mike held their hands up, surrendering.

As Levi held his blades to Lobov’s throat, Erwin pulled Yan into his lap, held his jacket to the wound in his chest in the hopes of stifling the bleeding. But the color was slowly draining from Yan’s cheeks, his eyelids fluttering, his breathing becoming more and more shallow.

“Smith…” Yan breathed out his words, strength waning. “Take care of him…” Erwin grabbed a hold of his hand, held it tight, supporting his fragile body. He nodded solemnly. “You’ll be ok, Yan.” He knew the futility of his words.

“Smith,” Levi spoke directly to him, not taking his eyes off Lobov. “Tell me he’ll survive.”

Yan choked and blood colored the white of his teeth. His eyes rolled back in his head. Erwin was silent, didn’t know how to respond.

“Smith!” There was a miserable, almost pleading note to Levi’s voice. But, Yan’s breath had stopped, a cold pallor had settled on his cheeks.

Erwin’s throat was tight. “He’s gone, Levi.”

Levi rounded on Lobov with a force he seemed hardly likely to be able to produce. His blade dug into the fat folds of Lobov’s neck and drew blood. Lobov sputtered out, writhed under the force of Levi’s rage but could do nothing to wriggle free from his grasp. “I told you I would kill you, you disgusting piece of shit. I’m here to keep my word.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” Lobov screamed.

“I’ve done worse!” Levi howled back.

“Levi.” Erwin rose to his feet, laying Yan’s lifeless body gently on the ground. He moved to stand behind Levi, a hand outstretched, pleading. “Levi, don’t.”

Levi’s eyes darted to Erwin’s face. The rage that burned within them frightened Erwin. In that split second, Erwin wondered if Levi would turn on him like a rabid dog, the anger, the pain, the disenchantment, causing him to snap back on those he trusted, those he loved.

“Levi, please. We need him alive. Your friends will get no justice in simply killing him.”

“I’ll get justice!” Levi growled. His hands were shaking again. Erwin was sure he could see tears threatening to fall from those angry gray eyes. Levi blinked them away furiously.

“Levi…we need him alive.” Erwin’s voice sought reason, sought to bring Levi back to reality but Levi nearly lashed out at him in response.

“Fuck you, Smith. I _want_ to kill him!”

“And will that make you feel better? Will that bring Isabel and Furlan back? Will it bring Stella and Gris back? Or Yan? Or will it sink you deeper into your own despair? Think about this Levi. Don’t let yourself become a pawn in his game. That’s what he wants.”

For a long moment, Levi’s eyes bore into Erwin’s face. Erwin felt all the hate, all the anger, all the grief…took it all on his own shoulders. Never looked away. Finally, Levi’s hand steadied. His breathing slowed. He sighed heavily. But his blade never moved from Lobov’s throat.

In a movement so quick Erwin could not have anticipated it, Levi slammed his elbow into Lobov’s nose. Blood shot out and Lobov’s head fell back on the floor with a heavy thud. His eyes rolled back in his head. But he was still breathing. Erwin actually felt relieved to not have to hear his repugnant voice.

Together, he and Levi heaved Lobov’s body over onto his massive stomach, bound his hands behind his back. Erwin watched Levi sheath his blades, assist Mike in rounding up the remaining MP’s and bind their hands as well. He seemed to be doing everything in his power to avoid looking at Yan’s lifeless form on the stone floor.

Finally, Levi moved to where Yan lay. If not for the sallow color of his face, he might have just been sleeping, so peaceful and at ease he seemed. Levi was silent, as he gazed down at Yan’s body, a hollow shell of the man he had once been. As Erwin approached, Levi’s voice was quiet. “I failed him, Smith. He wanted so badly to make it all up to me…And I let him die for me instead.”

Erwin turned to face his smaller counterpart. “Then let his sacrifice be just that. Let this be his repentance.”

Erwin watched as a what appeared to be a single solitary tear fell from Levi’s face.  “I lose everyone I love, Smith.” The vulnerability in that one statement, that one moment brought Erwin to a striking realization, and one that took his breath away. He was in love with this man. Had been for a while. But could never tell him. Not in this life. Not in this cruel world that seemed determined to destroy all beauty, subdue all love.

“Levi…” He wanted so badly to comfort him, to envelope him in his arms, hold him, take his pain away. But he knew Levi would never accept. So instead, he did what he did best – used his words. “It’s finished now. Lobov is done. He can’t take anything else from you.”

Levi turned his eyes up to meet Erwin’s. It broke Erwin’s heart to see those eyes swimming, wet. In a moment of weakness, he raised his hand, brushed a tear from Levi’s cheek. Instead of swatting him away, snapping at him, Levi surprised him by leaning into his hand, closing his eyes, accepting what little comfort he could provide.

“I can’t lose you, Smith.” The words startled Erwin. They were so quiet, so unlike Levi, he almost feared he had heard wrong. But he responded despite himself. “You won’t. I promise.” Levi opened his eyes, stared into Erwin, into what he felt was the depths of his soul. It was a look at caused Erwin’s heart to dare to hope. To hope that perhaps, behind those harsh cold steel colored eyes, Levi might have fallen in love with him too. That despite the horrors of this evil, unkind world, there might be a place for them, a life worth living. Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi's little moment of weakness...I hope it wasn't OOC. I feel like after everything, after the man who killed his friends is apprehended and he realizes that Erwin really is all he has left, he might have allowed it to slip. 
> 
> Anywho...I hope you liked it. Please let me know! Thanks so much for reading, commenting, subscribing. I love this fandom but I love my Eruri folks the best ;)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of Lobov’s trial, the air was rife with anticipation and anxiety. Levi wasn’t sure what to expect from the afternoon’s proceedings, but he did not suppose that Lobov would go quietly, nor would he go down without a fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone! Thank you so much, again, for the amazing response to my fic! I'm honored to have so much support and Eruri love :)
> 
> Here's my plan. Since I this broken up into a series, we will probably have one more chapter in this fic before Part 2. I may write some small one-offs similar to Man of Action and include them all as a part of the same series, same universe.
> 
> Chapter song is Part of Me by Black Lab. Another sexy song, people.

The day of Lobov’s trial, the air was rife with anticipation and anxiety. Levi wasn’t sure what to expect from the afternoon’s proceedings, but he did not suppose that Lobov would go quietly, nor would he go down without a fight.

It had been nearly a week since Lobov’s capture, Yan’s death, Marcelle’s betrayal in the underground dungeons. Thanks to Erwin’s association with the Commander of the Military Police regiment, a scraggly and poorly groomed, Nile Dok, Lobov had been imprisoned in the heart of Mitras, in the dungeon of the courthouse, with his own personal MP escort and around the clock surveillance. Dok’s hospitality was extended to Levi, Mike and Erwin as well, as each of them was given a room in the headquarters of the Military Police, a room in which they would wait out the impending trial. Shadis joined them shortly after Lobov’s arrest. The mood amongst their small group was somber rather than victorious.

Levi was uncomfortable, twitchy, irritable. He could not help thinking about Yan’s lifeless body at his feet, his words, _You have every right to hate me, Levi. I would hate me too. I can never make up for what I allowed them to do to you. But I’m going to try._ He had more than made up for everything. Yan had saved Erwin’s life, thrown himself in front of the bullet meant for the Squad Leader. If not for Yan, Smith would be dead. And for some reason, that thought broke Levi in a way he could not have anticipated.

His moment of weakness in the dank dungeon of the underground replayed over and over through his mind. The current of uncontrollable emotions he had experienced then…grief, anger, fear. He had split himself open and revealed all the inner turmoil, all the ugliness to Smith. And Smith had not turned him away. He had instead embraced that ugliness, fostered it. Allowed Levi to feel safe albeit vulnerable.

Levi had not shared a solitary moment with Erwin since that day in the dungeon. He, Shadis, Mike and Erwin took their meals together, trained together, spent most of their waking moments together. Shadis organized their statements, did his best to help to help prepare them for what to expect during the trial.

During their lunch hour, Shadis would often grumble over the time it was taking. “What is taking Zakley so long? Does he think we have all the time in the world to lounge around in Mitras? Some of us have actual work to do.”

When the date of the trial was finally set, a sobering mood settled over them. Soon, it would be over. Soon, Lobov would pay for his sins. Or would walk free. Though Levi doubted this outcome, the thought perturbed him. He could see a similar emotion in Erwin’s eyes, the same fear.

That morning, the morning of the trial, Levi arose early, filled himself a hot cup of tea to calm his nerves. He settled on the steps leading to the looming castle headquarters, allowing the soft sun and gentle wind to warm his skin and rustle his hair. He would be called upon, that much Smith had assured him though the thought caused a writhing in his stomach, a disgusting trepidation to settle over him.

“Good morning.” He didn’t look up as Erwin settled next to him, his own cup of tea steaming in his hand.

“Morning.” Levi’s voice was cool, hiding the pounding of his heart in his chest.

“Did you sleep at all?” Erwin’s eyes were on him. Levi shook his head. Erwin nodded solemnly. “Me neither.” He paused, then, “We’re so close now, Levi.”

Levi looked at him finally. “Lobov won’t be the last of his kind, Smith. There will be more.”

“The Corps will never be safe,” Erwin agreed. “But it’s worth protecting. And I’ll do my part. I won’t stop fighting for us.”

“The Corps is lucky to have you, Smith.” Erwin smiled at Levi’s words, took his hand in his own and gently squeezed it. “And you as well, Levi.”

“Smith, Levi!” Shadis’s voice startled them back to reality. Erwin dropped Levi’s hand as they turned to face the Commander. “It’s time.”

The courthouse was an imposing structure in the center of Mitras. It’s turrets and stone towers loomed down on the city, serving as a reminder to all who would question the repercussions of injustice. Levi had heard talk of the prison, the courthouse, the politics, but had never experienced it for himself. The MP’s had never been quick enough or smart enough to catch him. As he walked up the stone steps and crossed the threshold into the courtroom, he caught his breath, taking in the ominous aura of the great hall.  So clearly built with the intention of frightening those bound for trial, steering them to their own repentance. Levi wondered how many underground criminals were brought to their knees at the pulpit, how many had been sentenced to a lifetime behind bars at the very spot in which he stood.

A large metal stake sat dauntingly in the middle of the room, facing the podium wherein Darius Zakley would inevitably come to sit, to judge, to decide Lobov’s fate. On either side of Zakley’s platform, members of the government, as well as noblemen and women were enclosed in panels of boxes, from which they would watch and serve as a jury of Lobov’s peers.  As Levi followed behind Smith and Shadis, a large man with a prodigious red beard waved out to them. The stranger’s voice was a deep rumble, though not unpleasant. “Shadis, Smith, over here!” He waved them over, a boisterous excitement radiating from his jolly form. He was obviously unaffected by the dull solemnity of the group.

As they filed into the box and took their seats next to the corpulent man, he extended a hand to both Levi and Mike. They took it in turn as he introduced himself. “Lord Chevelle. Good to meet you both.” Then he turned to Shadis, clapped him on the back as though he was an old friend. “Shadis, I heard this capture was all on account of your team – The Survey Corps really is becoming a force to be reckoned with, isn’t it?”

Levi thought he saw Erwin prickle where Shadis was praised. But the Squad Leader was so brilliantly skilled at hiding his emotions, he was sure that he alone had noticed.

Shadis merely nodded. “We made great strides in capturing Lobov. His crimes against humanity, the government and the Corps are numerous. I can only hope justice will win out today.”

Chevelle nodded. “It’s been a long time coming, between you and me. Lobov’s had it out for the Corps since I’ve known him. Of course, you know, I’m one of your biggest supporters.”

Shadis turned his wrinkled face and put on his best attempt at a sincere smile. “And we appreciate that more than you could know, Lord Chevelle.”

Just then, a resounding creaking noise filled the great hall, drew the attention of every eye to the front of the room. Zakley entered through a heavy wood door just behind his podium, carrying a huge volume of a book under his arm. He shifted his weight as he took a seat, looked around the room. Zakley himself was a dangerous man, Levi knew. Responsible for nearly every conviction in Mitras, Zakley was the judge over trials to end in fines, imprisonment and even hanging. He adjusted the small round glasses on the bridge of his nose as he accessed the situation. “Where is the prisoner?” his voice boomed imposingly, reverberating through the crowd.

Nile Dok stood and saluted Zakley, his hand in a fist over his heart. “My men are escorting him to the hall now…they had a bit of…trouble getting him up this morning.”

Zakley rolled his eyes. “Of course, they did. Lobov did always have a flare for the dramatics.” He settled down into his chair, flipped open his tome, paged through it. Footsteps in the hallway alerted them to their prisoner’s arrival. As Lobov was escorted into the hall, Levi noticed the metal cuffs binding his hands, the bruises on his face, the cuts scabbed over the folds of fat on his neck. Marks of Levi’s rage. Lobov’s roaming eyes found the box in which the members of the Scout Regiment were enclosed. The deep green was a storm of hatred, defiance.

Erwin’s fingers found Levi’s behind the panel, entwined themselves with his. Levi’s heart fluttered.

“Ahh Nicholas Lobov.” Zakley’s deep voice resounded. Lobov’s captors chained him to the stake in the middle of the hall, forced him to his knees. His great weight trembled where he kneeled. It occurred to Levi that he looked like a pig bound for slaughter, desperation in his eyes, fully aware of his fate and yet hopeless to resist.

Zakley continued, reading from the book in front of him. “You stand accused of murder, attempted murder, kidnapping, attempted kidnapping, and purposeful acts of treason against a branch of the government. How do you respond to these charges against you?”

Lobov growled out, “Fuck you, Zakley. Get on with it, would you?”

A hushed murmur ran through the crowd. Zakley looked up from the pages in which his nose was buried and cocked a bristly white eyebrow. “Very well then. Let’s _get on with it_. This house calls Commander Keith Shadis of the Survey Corps to the stand. Commander Shadis, please stand before this court and present your case against Lobov.”

Shadis got to his feet, his tall form casting an imposing shadow on the floor of the hall. “Thank you, Commander-in-Chief. Our investigation into the affairs of Nicholas Lobov began over a year and a half ago after he sought to defund our expeditions outside the walls. A closer look into his reasoning detailed his plans to siphon those funds to his own personal stores and support his involvement with the Lang company. Knowing that we had found out about his plans, Lobov took action to hire assassins to infiltrate the Corps, gather the information we had collected on him and then kill one of our Officers, Squad Leader Erwin Smith.”

All eyes fell on Erwin and Levi then. Levi scowled, hiding behind the curtain of his dark hair. But Erwin’s grip on his hand grounded him, kept him sheltered from the anxieties resounding in his head. Shadis continued. “Since that time, Lobov has sent spies to infiltrate the Corps…spies that purposefully undermined the objectives of several missions and directly cost us Survey Corps lives. Beyond that, he has made attempts to kidnap, restrain and even torture and kill members of the Corps, including both Smith and one of our newest members, Levi.”

Lobov growled from where he knelt. “One of your _newest members?_ Why don’t you tell the court where you scrounged that little shit up from? I should get royalties for every titan that little beast takes down – a procurement fee!” He threw his head back in a laugh, only interrupted as Nile yanked roughly on the chains binding him.

Zakley turned his face to look at Shadis. “Very well. Shall we call Levi to stand?”

Shadis shrugged, nodded. “By all means.”

Zakley surveyed the crowd, his eyes falling on Levi’s small form. “Levi, please rise. State your full name?”

“It’s just Levi.” Levi’s dry voice cut through the crowd as he rose to his feet, dropped Smith’s hand, crossed his arms in front of his chest. Zakley nodded, pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose as he accessed Levi, dark brown eyes boring into him. “Levi, would you please describe the nature of your contact with the accused?”

“I was the assassin Lobov hired to kill Smith.” Levi allowed the gasp to filter through the crowd. “Lobov promised my friends and I citizenship on the surface if we infiltrated the Corps, retrieved the documents incriminating him and then killed Smith. He also took our friend Yan to the surface, got him surgery for his failing legs.”

“Out of the goodness of my heart,” Lobov sputtered. “What a monster I am, saving a cripple, helping him walk again!”

Levi ignored him. “When I failed in my mission, when I failed to kill Smith, Lobov threatened to break Yan’s legs again and used him to lure me to the underground. He wanted to use me as bait to capture and kill Smith. And now, Yan is dead, shot through the chest by Lobov himself. People are commodities to Lobov – he uses human beings, treats them like things. And if Lobov had his way the Corps would be disbanded and the majority of the people in this room would be dead. Less mouths to feed, more money to himself.”

The buzz that travelled around the room increased in volume and intensity. Worried faces, baffled looks – the nobles had lost composure faced with the thought of their own deaths.

“Order!” Zakely slammed a gavel down on the podium. “Order! Quiet down. This isn’t finished. Quiet!” His voice was filled with such power, such presence, the room fell silent near immediately. His cold eyes fell on Lobov then. “Well Lobov, what do you have to say in your own defense? Can you counter these allegations?”

Lobov looked up and a distorted smile was pulled across his face. “My defense? I need no defense! I was doing you all a favor, trying to dismantle the Corps! These self-sabotaging adrenaline junkies fly off into titan-filled territory and waste our well-deserved tax dollars to give the titans a good meal and full bellies! Is that how you want the money you earned, the money that could be used to feed your children, your families, to be spent? Think about it! The Corps is one giant waste of funds and resources disguised by the pretext of lofty ideals and acts of heroism! What do we have to gain going outside the walls? Nothing!”

“That – that’s not true!” Shadis was fumbling now, amidst the gentle hum of the crowd, the furrowed brows. “The Corps is bringing the people hope – hope of a world without titans!”

“A world without titans, Shadis you old fool! There is no such thing!” Lobov’s voice was growing stronger and stronger in his conviction. “You and I both know that most of the men you lead out there into monster infested wilderness don’t come back. The only ones that do come back are the ones that are _monsters_ themselves.” His eyes settled on Levi then and Levi glared back in defiance.

Shadis was angry. Levi could see that much from the set of his jaw, the rage burning in his eyes. His hands were clenched into fists at his side. But his mouth was unmoving, the words simply not coming. Levi looked at Erwin, desperation in his eyes. “Smith, he’s drowning,” he whispered and Erwin’s blue eyes flashed dangerously.  He nodded curtly and rose to his feet.

“Commander-in-Chief, if I may speak?” Erwin’s poise and charisma drew the attention from Shadis’s fumbling and all eyes settled on the handsome Squad Leader. He smiled charmingly at Zakley who nodded in return.

“Squad Leader Smith…I was wondering when we would hear your testimony. I’ve been told you were the mastermind behind this whole ordeal.”

Levi watched Erwin feign modesty. “I wouldn’t call myself a ‘mastermind,’ by any means. But I did have a part to play – so much that our dear friend Nicholas desired my demise.”

An apprehensive chuckle flitted around the room. Smith smiled down at Lobov. “But I cannot strongly enough advocate for the need for the Survey Corps in our current state. The Survey Corps is our only means for expansion, for finding the truth of this world. Each base we succeed in establishing is one step further into the world outside the walls. Each titan we succeed in taking down is yet another titan this world is rid of. We learn more about how to kill them, how they operate, why they exist, every time we push forward. Besides, who knows what types of treasures our expeditions will stumble upon?” He looked around the room, made deliberate eye contact with certain members of the crowd. “Perhaps we stumble upon a new patch of grapes for wine? Perhaps we discover a new species of chicken, cow, goat? Perhaps we find that there exists out there some great expanse of water that will lead us to new and far off places, perhaps even free us from titans forever? Don’t those discoveries merit at least minimal tax contributions? The Survey Corps is here for you – for the people we serve. And we will continue to serve you diligently as long as we are banded together and fully operational.”

 _Goddammit, Smith._ Levi was impressed, beyond impressed. The man was good with words – it shouldn’t have surprised him that the crowd erupted into applause, looked upon them at that moment with admiring eyes. Lobov was finished, looking around the room, Levi could see it. And on Lobov’s own face, panic had settled in. He writhed, pulled at the chains biding him to no avail. As the hall quieted, his voice bellowed through the crowd.

“You foolish mules, you dumb sheep! You would follow anyone with fancy words and a pretty face! Do you seriously believe in Smith and these fantasies he’s selling? He’s patronizing you and he’s patronizing his own commander, undermining the chain of command! Isn’t it interesting that Commander Shadis must rely on the words of his Squad Leader to bring the assembly to its feet? That’s the real world we live in! The strong usurp the weak! We will never be rid of titans any more than Shadis will be rid of Smith. The titans give their soldiers a reason to keep dying, to keep acting like heroes. And you can throw the book at me, you can imprison me, you can hang me by my neck but mark my words – the fight will not die with me. The Survey Corps is the downfall of humanity! Erwin Smith is the doom of this world!”

What followed next was a deafening silence. Levi could feel his own heart ravage his chest. His eyes flickered to Erwin’s face, to Shadis’s. The expression Shadis was wearing sent a chill down Levi’s spine. He glared at Smith with distrust, with abhorrence. Had he honestly allowed Lobov’s words to plant themselves in his mind? Were those seeds of doubt now truly and deeply embedded?

To Levi’s surprise, Erwin let out a jovial chuckle then, a laugh that was so raucous, so buoyant in its exuberance, soon nearly every noble in the hall was joining in, laughing at Lobov as though he had made a joke. But Levi’s eyes never left Shadis. The Commander’s face did not break, his hard eyes never softened. If this was a joke, it had been completely lost on him.

Erwin choked out amid the receding giggles of those around him, “Nicholas, you flatter me! The power you believe I have at my disposal…you must think very highly of my skills at persuasion!” Lobov’s eyes were narrowed into angry slits. His body trembled in pure rage. Erwin continued. “I’m nothing more than a humble servant of the people. The good people of Mitras.” He winked at the ladies in the front row across from him. Levi rolled his eyes. _Smarmy fuck,_ he thought. But it had worked. Lobov’s words were as air – invisible, forgotten, brushed aside. The smiling faces of the officials and the nobles were rapt and captivated, obviously under the spell of Erwin Smith.

Levi couldn’t blame them. It was a spell under which he too had fallen.

Zakley cleared his throat, drawing attention back to the front of the room. “Nicholas Lobov, I’ll ask you once more. Do you have anything to add to your own defense? Or shall we close this case?”

Lobov, for once, looked defeated. “I have nothing to say.” His words were quiet at first. “I’m guilty…guilty of all of the charges being held against me. But I am unburdened. I would do it all again. Just you wait and see, the Scout Regiment will burn this city down, pull it to its knees. I only hope I will be alive to see it. I so can’t wait to see the looks on all of your faces when this city comes crashing to the ground.” He spat on the floor, a look of defiance in his eyes. He began to bellow then, a crazed, chaotic look in his eyes. “LONG LIVE THE KING! LONG LIVE THE KING! LONG LIVE THE – .”

Dok’s fist slammed into the side of Lobov’s face, knocking the breath from his lungs, throwing him back to the ground. He slumped into a mass of fat, crumbled and broken on the stone floor.

Zakley’s angry eyes glared down. “That settles it then. From his own mouth, Nicholas Lobov is pronounced guilty of crimes against the government and will hereby pass into the custody of the Military Police to sentence him accordingly. I leave his punishment to you, Dok. Perhaps a stay in the dungeon below ground would be fitting of his obvious proclivity towards the underground of late.”

Nile nodded and together with his men, gathered up the immobile body of Nicholas Lobov, dragged him out of the courtroom. A tense hush fell over the crowd as they watched the scene before them.  Levi turned his eyes to search Erwin’s face. Seeing a haughty pleasure coloring his features churned his stomach. Erwin was pleased, that much was certain. Though Levi couldn’t help feeling this wasn’t over. Lobov, though sentenced and locked away, would remain with them, his shadow hovering over them, reminding them of what they had lost to get to this place.

“I think we are finished here for today,” Zakley stood, clapped his gavel down on the podium once more. “This court is dismissed.”

As the crowd bustled, moved from their enclosures, Levi caught a glimpse of Shadis’s face. He was far away, mind obviously churning and turning, irons in the fire of his psyche. He approached Zakley, shook the Commander-in-Chief’s hand and then without hesitation, he exited the hall, disappearing from view. Erwin did not seem to notice his absence. The Squad Leader was too pre-occupied with kissing the hands of the noblewomen by whom he was approached, praised, complimented. Levi watched him thrive in this environment, saw him laugh at the appropriate moments, shake hands firmly when a seeking grasp was extended.

“…And this is Levi.” He heard his name, looked up to see Smith extending a hand to him, pulling him into conversation, introducing him. Levi felt stiff, uncomfortable. He had always been much better at slitting throats than making small talk. But for Erwin, he bore the discomfort, tried to keep obscenities at a minimum.

Zakley approached Erwin, his glasses settled on the bridge of his nose. Brown eyes twinkled as he accessed the Squad Leader, clapped him on the back. “Well done, Smith. You have always had a way with words, haven’t you? The people love you.”

Erwin chuckled. “You honor me, Commander-in-Chief. I’m just glad that justice was able to prevail today. We’ve lost many lives at Lobov’s hands.”

Zakley nodded, dark eyes flashing dangerously. “And how many of those lives might have been spared should the _right_ person have been in command of the Scouts?”

Levi saw Erwin still, his eyes searching Zakley’s face. “I don’t know what you - .”

“You do, Smith. You know the favor Shadis has lost among the people, among the nobles. He’s tired. He’s lost his spark…but your spark shines so brightly. It’s time, Smith. This government grows weary of a Scout Regiment under Shadis’s command. He is dooming you all.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed as he watched the conversation unfold, watched something grievous, something alarming, take over the handsome features of Erwin Smith. It was a look that Levi had not before seen on Erwin’s face…a power-hungry avarice, a gluttonous greed.

Erwin’s voice was lowered when he next spoke. “What would you have me do, Zakley? He is my Commander. I’m loyal to him.”

“Are you loyal to Shadis? Or are you loyal to the Corps? The two are not mutually exclusive, Smith. Know that should Shadis come to the decision to resign from his position, this house will fully support your claim to the leadership of the Scout Regiment.”

Erwin bowed his head, drew his first to his chest in a salute. “I appreciate your faith in me, Commander-in-Chief. Please excuse me.” He turned away, strode from the hall, not looking back. Levi felt his heart begin to race. Without hesitation, he slipped from the hall to follow behind Erwin. He wasn’t sure why, but after seeing that unfamiliar expression on the Squad Leader’s face, Levi felt unsettled. He needed to investigate, to get to the root of that look, to find out what it meant.

He watched Smith’s form duck out the grand doors of the courthouse, slip back into the Military Police headquarters. He was obviously making strides to avoid having to interact with anyone in his wake, silent and steady was his trek. His eyes were on the ground before him, never looking up until he got to the room in which he had been designated to stay. Levi watched him fumble with the key, hands shaking. When the lock finally gave way, he stumbled into the room, swinging the door shut behind him. He wasn’t aware of Levi’s presence, wasn’t aware that he had been followed.

Slowly, cautiously, Levi approached the door, his heartbeat resounding loudly in his ears. He considered knocking for a moment, knew that to be the polite action to take. _Fuck it,_ he thought, and pushed the door open, let it swing in on itself to reveal Erwin sitting leaning up against the wall, head in hands. His head shot up as Levi stepped into the room and their eyes connected. “Levi.” His voice was full of despondency. “I…I need to be alone…”

“Fuck that.” Levi moved closer to him, slid down the wall to sit next to Erwin. Their shoulders were touching. But something felt different, wrong even. “Want to tell me what happened in there?”

Erwin wouldn’t make eye contact with him. He numbly put his head back in his hands, rubbed his temples, didn’t respond.

“Smith – what the hell was that - ?”

Erwin snapped, moved on him almost quicker than he could react. His hands were rough, groping, plunging. They twisted around the back of Levi’s neck, pulling him close, forcing Levi’s lips to his own. His right hand tangled in Levi’s hair, his left gripping the smaller man’s waist, grasp tight, unyielding.  Levi struggled, shocked, confused, angry all at once. He bit down hard on Erwin’s lip, tasted blood, heard the Squad Leader cry out, felt his grip loosen.

Levi forced himself to his feet, rage mixed with confusion mixed with desire coursing through his veins. “What the _fuck_ , Smith? What the hell is wrong with you?”

Erwin’s hand ran over his lip, pulled back to reveal the bright red of his blood. At first, he didn’t respond, merely stared at the blood in his hand, considering it, studying it, as if trying to make sense of it.

“Smith!” Levi growled. Erwin looked up, blue eyes wet, imploring.

“I…I’m sorry, Levi…I thought…I thought that’s what you wanted…” His voice lacked its usual self-assurance. Levi wasn’t sure how to respond. A week ago, in Erwin’s quarters in Trost, it _had_ been what he wanted. But here, now, after everything he had seen…he wasn’t sure anymore. “I want to know what happened back there. With Shadis. With Zakley. With your face.”

Erwin looked up at him, an amused smile pulling at his features. “My face?”

 Levi rolled his eyes. “Don’t play dumb, Smith. You know what I mean. Now tell me.”

Erwin’s eyes were wide, he gazed off into the floorboards behind Levi’s feet. “To be completely honest with you Levi, I felt…a rush…standing in front of all those people, hearing my praises spilling from their lips…hearing Zakley tell me I have his support…I told you. I’m a selfish man. I _want_. I crave. I yearn. And today, I felt I could have all those things I so desire. They were at my fingertips.” He looked back at Levi, gave him a look that caused his blood to run hot. “ _You_ were at my fingertips.”

He slowly, deliberately got to his feet, leaned against the wall, watching Levi shift uncomfortably under his fiery gaze. “That rush got to my head, Levi. I’m sorry if I acted too rashly, if I overstepped…” He shook his head, a smile threatening to crack the mask of composure on his face. “You’ll be my undoing…I can feel it.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. He glowered at the man before him. The man who both puzzled and confounded him. “I have no interest in undoing you, Smith.”

Levi watched Erwin approach, his heart running wild behind his ribcage. It kept time with Erwin’s footsteps. “I don’t believe you. I think you take pleasure in this…in turning me inside out, setting me on fire, watching me burn.”

“Rather graphic, Smith.”

“Erwin.”

“What?” Levi paused, steel eyes crashing into a sea of blue.

“You keep calling me Smith.”

“That’s your name, isn’t it?”

“My name is _Erwin_.” Erwin was close again, so close. “Smith is so formal.”

“You’re my superior, aren’t you? Shouldn’t there be a level of formality?” Levi’s breath was hitched.

“No one is superior to you, Levi. Especially not me.”

Levi backed up, put both hands on Erwin’s chest, forced distance between them, irritated. “Why do you do that?”

Erwin studied him, a questioning expression settling over his features. “Do what?”

“Say bullshit like that. Act like you think so highly of me. We both know what I am. A piece of shit with no last name from the underground. A son of a whore. I come from nothing. I _am_ nothing. You can paint me up with these wings, pretend I’m something I’m not. But at the end of the day, when the paint washes away…that’s all I’ll ever be…But you…Erwin…you’re _everything_.”

“Levi…” Erwin’s voice was so soft then, it made Levi feel like a child. Like a child in need of comfort. He put his hand back on Erwin’s chest. “Don’t.” His voice was steady. Erwin backed up, moved away. But before he did so, he gently took Levi’s hand in his own, brought it to his lips, kissed Levi’s knuckles. When he released, he nodded solemnly, as though letting go pained him in some way. “As you wish, Levi.”

Levi turned to go, headed to the door, twisted the knob in his grasp, his heart a mess of anguish, longing, confusion. Though Levi wanted so badly for him to do so, Erwin didn’t stop him. He crossed the threshold, shut the door, leaned against it and slid to the floor, his head in his hands. He raked at his scalp, dark hair falling in his face as he allowed silent, angry tears to fall. 

He pictured Erwin on the other side of the door, doing the same. What a foolish, chaotic and wicked yet beautiful mess he had found himself in. If he knew how to love, this would be it. But were monsters capable of love? Did such a thing even exist in this world? This thing with Erwin…he knew it wasn’t over. He knew he could never be rid of him. Erwin Smith had embedded himself in Levi’s mind, in his heart, in the blood that flowed through his veins. That longing for him ached in his chest, caused him physical pain. But for some reason, Levi remained stubborn, unable to fully submit himself to that which he so deeply wanted.

Slowly, Levi rose to his feet. In frustration, he slammed his fist into the door. When he pulled back, blood stained his knuckles where Erwin’s lips had been only a moment before. And a fist shaped dent was now deeply embedded into the solid wood grain of Erwin’s door.

“Dammit!” Levi growled and ducked away. No doubt Dok would throw a fit about the dent in his door. No doubt Erwin Smith would take the blame like the martyr he was. Levi rolled his eyes as he flew back to his own quarters. He would have to face Erwin eventually, come clean with these emotions threatening to break free from his lips. He heard Erwin’s voice in his head, _You’ll be my undoing…I can feel it._

He knew in that moment that it was, in fact, quite the opposite. Erwin Smith was undoing _him_ , tearing him apart, sewing him back together into someone completely different, someone with a name, someone with a purpose. He hated to admit that he took pleasure in the way Erwin so gently tore his walls down, built them back up. _So be it,_ Levi thought. _Undo me, Erwin Smith. I’m yours. I’ve always been yours. I always will be._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lobov is OUTTT!
> 
> Erwin is so interesting to me. He's clearly not perfect - he gives off this air of selflessness and righteousness but I do think he might be a little power hungry or at least have a little bit of a dark side behind the mask he always wears. And I think he's cognizant of it - doesn't want Levi to see it. I imagine that Levi is one of the things he wants - in a perfect world when he is able to get everything he wants, Levi is now part of that. And I think that even though Levi wants Erwin as well, that's not the way Levi wants it all to go down. He accepts Erwin for who he is, dark side and all, but that moment wasn't right for confessing his love. 
> 
> Hope that makes sense! Let me know what you think!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The months following Lobov’s trial flew by for Erwin. Levi was always close, always at his side, though a platonic fog had settled over their relationship. He was not dissatisfied with it, though he couldn’t help the longing that often spread through his body every time Levi was close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends!! So this is it! I was debating splitting this chapter up into two but decided it flowed well to just have one long chapter that will roll into Part Two! 
> 
> I cannot express how amazing it has been to connect with you all over the Eruri love! I hope you're excited for Part Two - we're getting into the nitty gritty and I'm excited to share it! I'll be posting Chapter One of Part Two hopefully either Thursday or Friday. It will be called Violent Desire (named after a line in Dangerous Night by Thirty Seconds to Mars) so be on the lookout for it!
> 
> This Chapter's Song is Dangerous Night by Thirty Seconds to Mars, funnily enough. It just fits so well. Really good song if you haven't listened to it!

The months following Lobov’s trial flew by for Erwin. Levi was always close, always at his side, though a platonic fog had settled over their relationship. He was not dissatisfied with it, though he couldn’t help the longing that often spread through his body every time Levi was close. They had not discussed the kiss they had shared, Erwin’s desperate hands, the forcefulness of his passion. Though, there had not been a day that Erwin didn’t think about it, how it felt to hold him, how his lips tasted, how small he seemed under Erwin’s grasp. It just seemed better left unspoken.

He had seen little of Shadis during this time. The Commander had let Lobov’s words affect him as Erwin was afraid he would. Their most recent conversation had turned into a quarrel that had prolonged itself into an extended estrangement. Shadis rarely sought Erwin’s company in the days that followed. Erwin was only summoned for mission debriefs, for new squad assignments. He remembered their last meeting, only hours after the encounter with Levi in Mitras the night of Lobov’s trial.

That night, Erwin had heard a knock on the door, suspected, hoped, that it was Levi. But when the Commander’s tired face peered back at him on the other side of the threshold, Erwin could only stutter out, “Keith…I hadn’t expected you at this hour.”

Shadis had pushed his way past, entered Erwin’s quarters without being invited inside and muttered, “Expecting someone else, Smith?”

As Erwin’s hand forced the door closed, he muttered, “No, of course not.”

Shadis made himself comfortable, settling into a leather chair near the window, a scowl marring his features. “There’s a rather large dent on the outside of your door,” he growled. “Didn’t see that the last time I was here.”

Erwin nodded, steeling himself against the door frame, watching the Commander’s face. Did he know that it was Levi who had dented Erwin’s door with his fist? Had he seen Levi leave? Had he an idea of what had transpired? Erwin thought likely not. “Yes, I noticed that as well. I had wondered if it wasn’t one of Lobov’s supporters, perhaps a threat.”

Shadis nodded, avoiding Erwin’s eyes. He steepled his fingers, brought them to his forehead, stared deeply into the floorboards as though lost in a trancelike state.

“Keith…are you alright? I didn’t see you after the trial…I thought you would have been proud to put Lobov behind bars, proud of the victory we won in the courtroom today.”

Shadis looked up at him, his eyes dark, hooded. “I won no victories today, Smith.”

Erwin set his jaw. He knew where the conversation would head. Keith Shadis was a good man, an honest man with a strong mind and the best of intentions. But he was not made for the role of authority with which he had been bestowed. He was insecure, suspicious, constantly on edge. Not well suited for the politics that came along with his position.

Erwin folded his hands across his chest, raised an admonishing eyebrow. “The Corps won a victory. You’re our Commander. You won that victory for us.”

Shadis rubbed his hands over his face, his nails trailing along his shorn black hair. “Your Commander…” His voice trailed off. “But for how much longer…”

Erwin’s eyes narrowed, the blue a dangerous sea, writhing and churning. He would not be implicated…not for being better with words, more appealing to the nobles. “Keith…”

“…You’ve longed for leadership since you entered the Corps, Smith. Don’t deny it.” Shadis’s voice was cold, hard.

Erwin decided honesty was the best option. “Of course, I have. But I would never overstep the chain of command. You’re my Commander, Keith. I follow you – “

“Do you?” Shadis looked up then, pierced Erwin with his frigid, angry eyes. “Follow me? So often, I watch myself follow _you_ , Smith. Lean on you, listen to you… And the nobles…the men…they cling to your words. Not mine.”

“That’s not true. They respect you!”

“And does your pet respect me? He listens to you alone, Smith. He’s the most powerful asset we have at our disposal yet the only orders he follows are yours.” Erwin stilled. Levi. Levi was something altogether different. He existed on a separate plane, a separate realm of reality. 

“Keith…”

“You best watch yourself, Smith. Your soft spot for him will be your downfall.” Shadis’s eyes were harsh as he accessed his Squad Leader. Erwin’s back was straight as he stood immobile, attempting fiercely to seem impassive, aloof. Shadis continued. “You don’t think I’ve seen the way you look at him? The way _he_ looks at _you_? I’m not blind, Smith. And neither are the men. They’ll see your favor towards him. They’ll lose faith in you, lose respect for you.”

“Keith…it’s nothing. He’s a member of my squad. He wouldn’t have been pulled into this mess at all if not for me. I owe him – “

Shadis stood, strode forcefully towards where Erwin leaned against the door frame. “What? What do you owe him, Smith? Do you owe him your heart? Your devotion? Any more than you owe it to any of the other members of your Squad? And what of the Survey Corps? Where does your loyalty lie, Smith?”

Erwin studied Shadis, watched the anger flicker behind his eyes like the dying flame of an expiring candle. “What is this really about, Keith? You doubt my loyalty to the Corps? Or to you?”

The Commander pulled back then, examined Erwin’s cool, unexpressive face. “Don’t test me, Smith.”

“With all due respect, Commander, the Survey Corps always has been and always will be my priority. As is my search for the truth, my dedication to expansion and human survival. This fixation you have is trivial, Keith. Its unfounded. If all you seek from me is my full dedication to the Survey Corps, you have it.” Erwin held out a hand to his Commander, conceding to him. But Shadis had scoffed, turned away, departed from Erwin’s quarters. And Erwin had seen little of him since.

Since that time, his days had been filled with Levi. When they trained, when they took their meals, when they had any spare moments of downtime, Levi was by his side. Expedition after expedition, Levi proved his usefulness, proved his strength and prowess. And slowly, word of his skills began to spread like wildfire.

After one particularly daunting day of training exercises, while Erwin was toweling himself off, wiping the sweat from his brow, he overheard two fresh recruits whispering to one another. “It’s him, isn’t it?” Their voices were so quiet, Erwin had to lean in a bit to hear. He followed the line of their eyes to Levi, who stood across the field, unassuming and oblivious to the attention to which he was being paid. “It’s Levi, _humanity’s strongest solider_!”

 _Humanity’s Strongest Solider._ Erwin watched him often. Watched his lithe, cat-like movements, his thin yet powerful body gliding through the air like a bird in flight. He was truly magnificent. So often, he stole Erwin’s breath from his lungs. He hungered for Levi’s touch, longed for something more. But for now, being close to _humanity’s strongest solider_ , being in his favor, was enough.

That night, Erwin had told Levi about the comment he had overheard and Levi nearly dropped the tea he was holding in his hand. “What the _fuck_ did you just say?”

“Humanity’s Strongest Solider.” Erwin’s smile was wide, his eyes glimmering under the low light. The look of pure disgust on Levi’s face made him want to burst out laughing but he was afraid of the consequences should he choose to do so.

“Who said it?” Levi had demanded but Erwin had declined to relinquish the names. “Some new recruits. It doesn’t matter. You give them hope, Levi. You make them believe that there can be more to this world than death and despair. They watch you fly and they, themselves, feel free.”

Levi had rolled his eyes as he raised his cup to his lips and took another sip. “Such a poet, Erwin.”

Erwin watched him drink, watched his throat as he swallowed, pictured running his lips along that smooth skin.

“Erwin!” Levi’s admonishing glare pulled him from his daydream. “What are you looking at?”

“Hmm?” He feigned obliviousness. “Oh, looks like you missed a spot shaving…” He touched his own neck just below the Adam’s Apple, mimicked the motion of shaving. Levi rolled his eyes. “Fuck you, Erwin.”

Erwin could still remember the smile that had tugged at the corners Levi’s lips, the effort he put into trying not to reveal his amusement. He remembered many moments like that one, moments that seemed so easy, so far away. Moments when all he had to do was _be_ … exist in Levi’s presence. He had thought he had more time… but these moments were just brief flashes of calm before the storm.

 

* * *

 

845

The expedition was urgent – they had little time to prepare. A surveillance team had reported seeing that a Survey Corps base, previously established as one of their most essential stations, had become overrun by titans. During the mission debrief, Shadis’s eyes were filled with trepidation, bordering on complete fear.

“Something is not right here. Titans rarely enter the forest....yet now our base is swarming with them. We must make quick time, clear out the base and head back as soon as possible. In and out. We have no time to spare.” His voice shook as though he himself did not believe the words coming from his own mouth.

The Survey Corps was in good form. The uptick in new recruits had given them one of their largest forces in years, rounding out at about 130 scouts. Erwin knew why this was. As he watched Levi slide himself into his gear, tighten the straps around his muscular legs, Erwin couldn’t help but smile. Levi was the hope of the Scout Regiment, the glue holding it together.

“You have a little drool...right there.” Mike rounded on Erwin, spoke quietly in his ear so no one else could hear. He gently poked Erwin’s chin, just below his bottom lip as he took a seat on the bench next to him and began working on his own gear.

Erwin’s gaze snapped upwards to look at Mike in defiance. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Mike smirked. “He’s going to see you staring at him. And he’s liable to bust your lip open again.”

Erwin raised any eyebrow. “I think you’re confused, Mike. I wasn’t staring.”

 “Suit yourself.” Mike shrugged but the smirk never left his face. Erwin glanced back in Levi’s direction and for a moment, their eyes connected. He smiled solemnly at Levi and Levi rolled his eyes in response.

Erwin’s eyes weren’t the only ones watching Levi. The new recruits seemed to take cues from him, observing him. They were both enamored and terrified of him, it seemed. As he often did before an expedition into titan territory, Erwin made his way around to the new recruits, talked to them, made them feel at ease…as much as he could, given the circumstances.

For many of the recruits, today would be their first expedition outside the walls. Most had never seen a titan before. Erwin hoped beyond hope that the mission objective would be as easy as it seemed, that they would not run into any unexpected surprises.

Levi had made his way over to Erwin. “These recruits are so green, they blend in with the grass,” he said quietly, harshly. “What is Shadis thinking sending out a force this inexperienced?”

Erwin squared his shoulders. “He doesn’t have a choice, Levi.”

Levi’s eyes searched his face, he could feel the cold steel boring into his skin. “You don’t honestly believe that, Erwin.”

“I have to trust the Commander. You should as well, Levi.” His tone was playful but Levi’s eyes were narrowed as he accessed the surrounding recruits, watched them don their gear with shaking hands.

“I have a bad feeling about this, Erwin.”

Erwin chuckled. “We’ll be fine. This mission will be a quick one. In and out. Minimal casualties.”

“Very well, Erwin. I hope you’re right. I’ll trust your judgement.”

The trek outside the walls was almost too easy. Erwin surveyed the surroundings but there was not a cloud in the sky, not a titan for miles. As they approached the base within the depths of the titan forest, Erwin spotted a titan, a 10 meter. “Mike, the flare,” he bellowed against the wind, and Mike shot the blast of red smoke into the sky.

Levi was off his horse, flying through the air with grace. It was like he himself was capable of flight, not tethered by man-made gears. He whipped around the titan, shot his hook into its nape to land deftly on its shoulders before delivering the killing blow. It was so quick, those not paying attention might have missed it and Levi was back on his horse beside Mike.

“One down!” Erwin yelled back but felt perturbed. Where were the others? One titan was not a _swarm_ – their base seemed empty, devoid of any of the danger and urgency Shadis had impressed upon them.

Mike bellowed from atop his horse. “Where are they?”

Their formation rounded the base several times, only encountering two additional titans. The newest members of Erwin’s squad became overly confident, restless for a fight watching Levi maneuver with ease… but Erwin heard Levi’s commanding voice every time a recruit began to reach for the trigger. “I’ll handle it, stand down!”

Within moments, the steaming carcasses of two 10 meters lay on the ground, evaporating into nothing. Shadis raised a hand, alerted the formation to come to a stop. Hesitantly, Shadis accessed the surroundings before drawing closer to Erwin and his squad. Erwin heard the fear in his voice. “Something’s not right…We’ve encountered _three_ titans…this base was supposed to be completely overrun.”

Then the ground began to shake. Pebbles bounced, skidded on the dirt below. The horses stamped and whinnied in response. It was unlike a Survey Corps horse to spook so easily but the ground seemed to be splitting open as if a tremor was resounding from within the very surface of the earth beneath them.

“What the hell?” Shadis’s growled, spun around.

An ear-splitting screech of a scream tore through the air. It was the loudest shriek Erwin had ever heard, otherworldly and unearthly, too loud, too feral to have come from any human mouth. The soldiers around him covered their ears in response, pained looks on their faces. And then they saw it. A titan. 15 meters tall and unmistakably _female_. Erwin had never seen a titan like it before. Its eyes were almost…human…piercingly blue, alive, alight. And it was racing towards them, running with an ungodly, impossible speed, its body lithe and muscular.

“An abnormal!” Shadis screeched! “Fire the flares! Get back in formation! Take it down!”

But the Scouts were scattered, bewildered, confused. They floundered, stumbling around in confusion and fear as the titan tore towards them. Erwin’s eyes were wide, he heard his heart pounding in his chest.

“Enough!” He bellowed, his voice firm and the Scouts stopped in their tracks amidst the commotion. He saw fear in their eyes. They needed order, they needed leadership.  “Squads regroup! Hange, to the left, Nanaba to the right! Squad Leaders, get your scouts back in formation NOW! Get out of its way – we’ll flank it and bring it down!”

The Scouts did as they were told, falling back into formation, moving out of the way.  Erwin watched the titan approach, thinking it would certainly fall into the front line. But in that moment, it did the one thing he could never have expected. It ran straight past them, ignoring the soldiers entirely, and disappeared into the woods. It was gone almost as soon as it had emerged.

He heard Mike’s voice, “What the fuck was that?”

And then it was too late. Hundreds, perhaps thousands of titans raced towards them, following the same path laid by the female titan. Erwin’s eyes were wide. Where had the come from? How were there so many of them? They were doomed. His eyes desperately scanned the commotion for Levi, saw him fly from his horse and lay waste to three titans in a row, diving and running through the napes of each in turn.

“All scouts engage!” Erwin bellowed! “Switch to vertical maneuvering gear!”

There were far too many of them – the titans had them vastly outnumbered and surrounded. Their only choice was to fight. Mike was in the air as were the rest of Erwin’s squad. He watched the new recruits, fly forward with terror in their eyes. He knew each one of them had joined the Corps with hopes of heroism. And one-by-one, he saw them all fall victim to their own deaths.

Blood and devastation everywhere. One recruit was pulled apart at the torso, his legs gnashed between a titan’s teeth, his head ripped clean off.  Another was torn from the sky by greedy titan hands, devoured whole. The screams. The screams echoed in Erwin’s mind. His hands trembled as he fumbled with the trigger of his grapple hooks, rose into the air. His anchor sank into the flesh of a 5-meter titan nearest him, a wide and hungry mouth waiting to swallow him alive. He thrust his blades into one of its eyes and then the other, momentarily blinding it before whipping around and hacking into its nape, downing it.

He moved quickly, assisting Mike in downing yet another 5-meter before watching another recruit, this time from Hange’s squad be trod into the dirt, blood exploding from his every orifice.

“Help! Help me! Oh my god, please…Please…I want to go home…” Another recruit crawling away from an oncoming titan, both legs severed at the knee, a trail of blood glistening in the sunlight in his wake.

Levi. Where was Levi. Erwin’s heart was racing, his eyes darting desperately back and forth, looking for the small, lithe form moving faster than lightning could strike. _There_.

He watched Levi slice through nape after nape, a flash of blood and steam. It was a chaotic and somehow beautiful dance, the winding, the turning, the diving, the precision and speed. Erwin’s heart was in his throat. Levi was human…how much longer could he keep up the dangerous dance until he too fell victim to the jaws of the titans?

There were still more titans headed towards them. As Erwin descended on yet another monster, sliced through yet another nape, he caught sight of Commander Shadis, still seated atop his horse, hands trembling, eyes wide. He was backing up slowly, breathing heavily as a titan descended on him, its great ugly face smiling, its huge hand reaching…reaching…reaching out to grab him.

“Keith!” Erwin screamed out. “Keith, get out of there.” But the Commander didn’t seem to hear him. He didn’t even seem to register the titan bearing down upon him. His eyes were transfixed….watching he blood, the death and destruction around him. Watching the recruits die…young, unknown, too soon. And all on his orders.

“Goddammit!” Erwin threw himself towards the Commander, his hooks sinking into the neck of the titan cornering him. With desperate force, he thrust his blade into the beast’s neck, nearly being blinded by the steam that surged from the wound. “Keith!” He called out. But the Commander had not moved. His eyes were glazed over as if in a trance. As Erwin cut his way to Shadis, the Commander’s body remained immobile atop his horse, his mouth agape, moving wordlessly. When Erwin reached him, Shadis mumbled the same thing over and over. “They’re coming…they’re coming…they’re coming…”

Erwin put both hands on either shoulder and shook Shadis until his eyes seemed to register some sense of reality. They settled on Erwin’s, brown eyes meeting blue and Shadis trembled. “Smith…what have I done? The recruits…they weren’t prepared…they’ll all dead…they’re all dying…”

“Keith, the Corps needs you to stay strong. The men need their Commander.”

Shadis’s eyes softened then, tears ran down his face. “The men need _you_. They need Commander Erwin Smith.”

“Keith, now is not the time! We have to get to the wall! We have to get the remaining Scouts back to Shinganshina now!” Shadis nodded, but his eyes were far away again, watching the battle, watching the bloodbath. _Fine then,_ Erwin thought. _He wants me to command, I’ll command!  Someone needs to!_

“All scouts retreat! We’re pulling back! Get to the wall!” He saw close to 20 scouts fall to the earth, remount their horses. Close to 20 when they had left with a force of 130. Atop his horse, Erwin led the charge back to the wall. Levi and Mike fell in on either side of him, each covered in blood and filth, each panting heavily like dogs of war. Survey Corps horses were faster than any other horse and much faster than normal titans. The troops soon began to pull away. Erwin’s grip on the reigns was tight, his heart in his throat. The mission had been a complete and total failure – devastation. He could see it on the faces of the men and women around him. He could see it reflected back to him in Levi’s piercing eyes.

What the hell had happened back there? What was that titan? That titan whose human-like blue eyes had seen them, accessed them, decided to go around them rather than eating them? That titan that had shrieked and brought a horde of mindless titans down on top of them? Erwin’s brain swam with questions.

By the time they reached the entrance to Shinganshina, they had lost the titans on their trail. As the gate opened to welcome them back inside, Erwin took count of their losses. Shadis was alive, had trailed behind them, the dazed and distraught look still etched into his features. Mike, Levi, Hange, Nanaba…he counted ten new recruits and twelve Survey Corps veterans. 28 survivors. 28 of 130 that had set out to retake their base…the base that was now swarming with titans.

“The Survey Corps is back! Bring up the gate!” Members of the Garrison Regiment stared down at them from atop the walls. He heard, but only faintly, them mutter to one another about the number of survivors, the blood covering their cloaks, the embittered looks on their faces. As they filed through the gate, the Garrison tolled the bell signaling their arrival and entrance into the city. As so often happened, a crowd had gathered to see them through…Erwin did his best to avoid making eye contact with any of the citizens. There was no good news to share and would surely be many broken-hearted parents seeking out the face of a child who would never come home. But his eyes did make contact…he accidentally felt himself connect with one particular set of eyes in the crowd – the greenest eyes he had ever seen, belonging to a smiling young boy who wore excitement and pride on his face. The boy looked back at Erwin with such enthusiasm, such awe, Erwin’s heart broke inside his chest. He turned away.

As they continued through Shinganshina, Erwin heard the cruel and bitter comments from the citizens around them. It was nothing Erwin had not heard before but today, it tore at his heart, clawed at his mind, ran him deep into the gutter of despair. He heard Levi pull his horse beside his own, felt comforted by his presence. His voice was low. “Erwin…what the hell was that?”

Erwin’s eyes fell on Levi’s face, accessed the puzzled expression, the scrapes and bruises that marred his pale skin. He shook his head. “I’ve never seen anything like it before…That titan…the horde it brought with it…Something is terribly wrong, Levi. I can feel it.”

Levi studied him, his eyes searching, imploring, desperate. “What do you mean?”

Erwin couldn’t stop the trembling in his hands. “I…I’m not sure…”

Shadis was a corpse walking, a shell of himself. He looked ahead but did not speak, did not command. Erwin hated him in that moment. Hated that Shadis allowed his remaining soldiers to see him like this. They men needed him and he seemed completely oblivious to their need, their desperation for leadership.  

At that moment, lightning struck through the sky though the day was bright and not a cloud was visible. The flash shot through the blue, illuminated everything around it, reverberated and cracked as it crashed to the ground. Erwin whipped his head around, stared at the spot the lightning had struck, just outside the wall.

“Erwin…” Levi’s voice to his right but Erwin couldn’t move, couldn’t respond. Towering over the wall, the red, fleshless face of a titan…an enormous titan…taller than any titan he had ever seen. A pause had settled over the remaining scouts. No one dared move or breath, so transfixed with what they saw in front of them. He heard Mike’s voice whisper, “What the fuck?”

With one massive kick, the colossal-sized titan burst through the gate to Shinganshina, obliterated it, smashed a hole in its place, thus opening the small town to the outside world…to titan territory and the monsters on the other side.

Erwin heard a collective gasp amongst his ranks. He caught his breath, felt nauseous. Around him, several soldiers fell to the ground, retched, clutched at their stomachs. Levi’s eyes were wider than he had ever seen them, his face pale, drained of all color, of all life. Erwin looked at him, desperation in his eyes. “The citizens…the titans…Levi, the titans are going to be able to get inside the walls. We have to do something.”

But looking around him at the tired, beaten, and battered scouts, Erwin knew he couldn’t ask that of them, couldn’t force them back into the fray without giving them a choice. “Listen up, Scouts!” he bellowed. “Those of you able to do so, follow me! We’re going to help the Garrison and escort the citizens to safety. Those unable, get to Trost immediately and take shelter! Do you understand?”

The remaining Scouts nodded, watched him cautiously. But he did not have time for hesitation. Erwin rounded on Levi, “Escort those too weak or too injured back to headquarters. That’s an order!”

“Like hell!” Levi growled. “You need me!”

“Goddammit, Levi!” Erwin rubbed his temples. “We don’t have time for this!”

“Then let’s go! Now!” Levi grabbed Erwin forcefully by his collar, pulled him in close so they were face-to-face, their lips almost touching. “Don’t you dare die, Erwin Smith.”

And then he was in the air, shooting towards Shinganshina and the crumbling hole in the wall. Without hesitation, Erwin followed suit, leaping into the air, allowing his gear to pull him forward. As he looked back, he saw Mike, Hange, Nanaba, two recruits and all the Survey Corps veterans follow as well. But Shadis stood frozen in his spot, watching them go. _Very well,_ thought Erwin. _Let the reign of Keith Shadis come to its rightful end._

Levi led the way, slicing through titans as he went. Erwin and the others followed in his wake. Levi yelled back, “If we can stamp out these incoming titans, we should be able to allow time for the citizens to get behind Wall Maria.” His eyes were dangerous as Erwin pulled closer to him. “What the hell is happening, Erwin?”

“They’re breaking through the walls,” Erwin growled. “It’s our worst nightmare realized.” He couldn’t help himself from looking down at the once prosperous city of Shinganshina. Homes were demolished, run into the ground, blood painted the cobblestones, dead bodies littered the pavement. Innocent people…women…children…these people weren’t soldiers. They didn’t know how to defend themselves. Erwin couldn’t make sense of it. How could this be happening? This wasn’t a random attack. His mind spun. This took planning, pre-meditation. All things of which they had assumed titans were incapable.

Levi shot forward, sliced through a titan that had cornered a mother and her child. Erwin dropped down beside him. Together, they scooped up both mother and daughter and escorted them to the safety of interior Wall Maria.

Just as Erwin was beginning to feel like they may be able to win this battle, that they may be able to overtake the titans swarming Shinganshina and rescue the majority of its citizens, he heard the ground shake again. Resounding steps echoed in his mind.

“Erwin…” Levi’s voice was almost too quiet to hear. His breath was caught in his throat as he stood immobile, staring off in the distance. Erwin followed his gaze and his heart stopped.

Standing in the gaping opening of the destroyed wall stood yet another titan...but this one too was different…abnormal. It was imposing, thick…silver? There was no skin on its body. It instead seemed to be encased in a sheet of armor that shone in the sunlight. It seemed at once to set itself, as a runner might, before hurtling itself full speed towards the gate of Wall Maria.

Erwin didn’t wait. He careered towards the monstrous beast, determined to stop its trajectory. It was going to break down the gate, he knew it. It was going to open Wall Maria to the titans, rendering an entire wall useless, inhospitable to human life. He wouldn’t allow that to happen.

“Erwin!” He heard the desperation in Levi’s voice but ignored it, flying towards the titan until he was almost upon it. He dove down, slammed his blade onto its nape with as much force as he could muster, only to have the blow deflected. His blade cracked, broke and bounced off the armor protecting the titan. “Dammit!” he growled. As he made to pull away, his gears churned and his equipment sputtered. He was out of gas. As his hook sank into the side of a nearby building, it pulled him along with it and he crashed headlong, slamming into the brick and mortar. His head swam and his vision blurred. He began to feel dizzy as his grapple hook released under the weight of his suspended body, bringing him crashing down to the cobblestones below.

The last thing he saw before his world went black was the armored titan breaking through the gate, exposing Wall Maria and all of its inhabitants to the swarm of titans pouring through. The last thing he heard was the screams. 

 

* * *

 

His eyes flitted open, accessed his surroundings. He was sore but alive. A bandage was wrapped tightly around his head. He could feel the bruises and tightness in his limbs and chest. He was obviously laying in some sort of hospital bed, the room dark and quiet. He shifted his weight uncomfortably, felt dizzy, laid back down.

“Erwin?” Levi’s voice. He wasn’t alone. Under the pale light from the window, Levi’s face was visible. Other than a few scratches, he appeared unharmed. “Levi,” saying his name felt good to Erwin. Like waking from a long nightmare. Had it all been some sick twisted dream? The pain in his ribs as he turned his body to face Levi proved the futility of this assessment.

“You fucking idiot. You glory-hungry martyr. You’re so lucky you’re alive. If you had died, I would have brought you back from the dead just so I could kill you myself.” There was a faint hint of a smile visible on Levi’s features. Erwin absorbed that smile, consumed it, was revived by it. As he studied Levi’s features in the dim light, it struck him how truly beautiful this man was, how badly he wanted to kiss those lips. How badly he wanted to tell him how much he loved him.

“Levi – “ the words almost escaped his lips but Levi cut him off.

“We’ve lost Wall Maria, Erwin. It’s over.”

Erwin’s brow set then, the warmth in his chest chilled through. “When…how long?”

“You’ve been out for three days.”

He allowed that to settle in. “Three days…”

Levi nodded.

“And Mike? Hange? Nanaba? The recruits?”

“All fine,” Levi conceded. “But Shadis is ruined, Erwin. The crown is calling for his resignation.”

 Erwin was not surprised. “He told me something on the battlefield…He called me Commander Erwin Smith. Told me the men needed me.”

“Those of us who survived, survived because of you, Erwin.”

Erwin reached out his hand, reached out for Levi. “I’m glad you survived, Levi.”

Levi rolled his eyes but slowly, deliberately, he wound his fingers through Erwin’s. Erwin brought Levi’s hand to his mouth, kissed his knuckles, wishing they were Levi’s lips. “So, what now?” he asked and Levi shrugged.

“Now…we figure out what the fuck we’re going to do. We lost a third of humanity’s territories and over two thirds of the Scout Regiment in less than a week.” Levi watched Erwin’s face, emotions masked, unreadable. “How are you going to save us, Commander Smith?”

Erwin cocked an eyebrow. “I’m not the Commander, Levi.”

“Not yet.” Levi leaned back in his chair, dropped Erwin’s hand, crossed his own arms over his chest. “You know the nobles will rally behind you. Zakley has made it clear he will seek your appointment.”

Erwin rolled back on his back, gazed into the ceiling. “I don’t want to think about that right now. Right now, I just want to be alive. To be alive with you, Levi.”

Levi watched his face, eyes darting, studying him. Erwin pulled himself to his elbows, pushed himself up to a seated position. “I thought we had longer, Levi. I thought we had the rest of our lives…but that’s foolish. The rest of our lives could be one week…two? I’ve spent the last few months in silence, wondering what it would be like to hold you, to feel you against me. But no longer. _I want you_ , Levi. And I won’t waste another moment in this world without you knowing that.”

Levi’s breath hitched as he stared into Erwin’s eyes, piercing him with the sharpest steel. He sat up slowly, leaned into Erwin so their lips were only inches apart. “So, don’t waste it…” Erwin’s heart raced as he pulled Levi’s lips to meet his own, forcefully, desperately, passionately. Erwin could feel Levi tremble under his touch as he lightly bit his bottom lip, tangled his hands in that thick black hair. Erwin pulled Levi to the hospital bed on which he was laying and Levi straddled his waist, gasping as he felt Erwin writhe beneath him.

“Levi…I have wanted this for so long…I’ve pictured you like this…” he gasped, breathless, unbelieving.

“Shut up. Just shut up. Don’t ruin it.”

He almost laughed then but Levi stole the breath from his mouth. The desperation and passion with which Levi raked his body, caressed his skin was not lost on Erwin. Perhaps Levi had been craving him for as long as he had been craving Levi. Perhaps he had not been alone in his urgent, hopeless desire. To feel Levi in his arms, on top of him, it was a dream…couldn’t possibly be real. He gripped the smaller man’s hips forcefully, stealing a sharp inhale from Levi’s mouth against his own. “Erwin…” Levi whispered his name into his ear, nipped at the lobe, trailed his mouth along Erwin’s neck, raising goosebumps in the wake of his breath.

A sharp knock at the door interrupted them. “Smith?” Shadis’s voice.

Levi pulled away, rested his forehead against Erwin’s, his breathing heavy. Erwin wrapped his hands around the back of Levi’s neck, wounds his fingers into his hair. “Ignore it,” he whispered. But Levi sighed. “You can’t pretend the rest of the world doesn’t exist, Erwin.”

“Right now, it _doesn’t_.” Erwin pulled Levi’s lips to his own but the fire had dwindled. Levi shook his head, made to move off the bed.

Erwin grasped Levi’s hips, held fast, eyes imploring, beseeching, pleading. “Levi…please don’t…”

Levi almost laughed then, a cruel smile pulling at his lips. “Begging is not a good look for you, Erwin Smith…”

Erwin’s eyes narrowed. His body throbbed painfully under Levi’s slight weight. “You’ll be the death of me…”

 “Smith? Are you awake?” Shadis rapped harder on the door.

Levi leaned in, laid his lips to Erwin’s forehead. “Not if I can help it.” He stood, removed himself from Erwin’s clutches and settled back in the chair he had claimed previously. His eyes smoldered as he called out to Shadis from behind the door. “Come in, Commander.”

Erwin struggled to come down from the high of passion that surged through his veins. How Levi could be so calm, so unreadable was a mystery to him. As Shadis entered the room, Erwin pulled his blankets up higher to hide any traces of his arousal.

The shell of a man who crossed the threshold of his room was almost unrecognizable to Erwin. “Smith,” Shadis approached the frame of his bed, hesitant. “I’m glad to see you’re looking well. You hit your head quite hard back there…”

Erwin nodded. “So, I’ve been told.”

Shadis continued. “If not for Levi, you might not have survived. I’m sure he told you…we lost Wall Maria.”

“He did.”

“It’s been completely overrun by titans. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Erwin studied the lines that marred Shadis’s face. He had always seemed an old man to Erwin but today, he looked ancient, decrepit, only mere days from death. He waited for Shadis to continue, watching him fumble over his words, look around the room anxiously.

“I don’t have to tell you, Smith, that I failed. You know that better than anyone. You saved my life more than once during the fall. I’m unfit for this office…I’m tired…I’m sick of death…I’m stepping down. And appointing you as my successor.”

The silence that hung in the air was tense, fraught, thick enough to grasp. Erwin felt Levi searching his face, eyes wide. Erwin bowed his head. “Keith…thank you…”

“No need to thank me, Smith. You’ve proved your merit, your resourcefulness, the quality of your caliber time and time again. You’re the man this office deserves. The one it desperately needs.” Shadis sighed. “The Scout Regiment is yours, Smith. I wish you many years of prosperity. And that the office treats you better than it treated me.”

Erwin’s heart raced. So, this was it. The culmination of years of toiling under the thumbs of lesser men. Erwin could taste the bittersweet power on his lips. In one moment, he had everything he could want at his disposal. As Shadis bowed his head and excused himself from the room, Erwin met Levi’s eyes, desire burning like wildfire. _Everything_ he wanted was at his fingertips.

Levi stood, brushed himself off, turned to go but Erwin extended a hand. Reminiscent of their first night together in the woods, just after Stella and Gris’s deaths, Erwin asked, “Levi, will you stay?”

“You hit your head harder than I thought,” Levi scoffed. “Mike will notice my absence.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Erwin cocked an eyebrow. “I’m your Commander now. Don’t make me _command_ you to stay…”

“You wouldn’t dare…” Levi’s eyes flashed darkly.

“No…I wouldn’t,” Erwin conceded. “But it would please me greatly…if you would stay with me.”

Levi watched him, uncertain.

“Please Levi…I need one night before reality sets in. One night before everything changes forever.”

Levi’s eyes met Erwin’s and the smaller man sighed, “It already has.” But he settled in beside Erwin anyway. Pressed up against Levi, Erwin could hear the quiet hum of his breathing, the gentle thrum of his heart in his chest. He wrapped his arms around the smaller man, held him, felt him, breathed him in.

In that moment, he had everything. He forgot about the Scouts, forgot about the walls, forgot about the titans. Levi was everything. He kissed the top of his head, took in the smell of lemon and musk, and something else…something so distinctly Levi. He fell asleep shortly after…a man complete, a man perfectly _undone_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it! (For Part One!) Hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> In regards to the Expedition and the Fall of Wall Maria, I did take some liberties but I hope they made sense and weren't too jarringly different from the source material. I do imagine that the Scouts had seen the Female Titan before...it would make sense that Annie would seek to destroy the Scouts so they couldn't interfere with the fall of the Walls. 
> 
> So...Erwin is the Commander now. Everything is about to change!
> 
> Please let me know what you thought of Part One! I've been so overwhelmed with the amazing comments and support! You all are AWESOME! Thanks for reading :) Much love!

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter, for me, was a tricky one to get started. I don't think that anger Levi was haboring for Erwin could have possibly gone away so quickly. So this chapter was really about easing up on some of that resentment, adding a little softness, a little purpose. 
> 
> Let me know what you think! I love you, fellow Eruri Shippers :)


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